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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
Without reading the thread, I wonder how many people have said that this means that she is not into you.
Yeah, if this is an in person meeting (and not text in an online profile), that's a pretty clear sign they're not interested in dating in my book. It's a polite no.
Yeah, if this is an in person meeting (and not text in an online profile), that's a pretty clear sign they're not interested in dating in my book. It's a polite no.
I am wondering why people are fixated on this as the end conclusion and not simply based on how it's just peoples' dating methods must be on the same page as well.
Man that believes in friends first in order to cultivate a stable relationship needs to simply find the same"
Then there are some men, who have his so-called 3-date rule before he moves on. If said lady is ALSO on the same page and with the same 3-date rule, then they would be compatible.
Clue words for don't expect to get laid right away.
Exactly my point! Some women do this as a pre-preemptive measure.
Many cases like this out there, Some were cases where they dated in high school, lost touch, and reconnected after many years, and then...boom..married.
My current husband and I were friends for three years before we finally got together and he was the first one to catch feelings and tell me he had them. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time but still said no because we were really close and I think in the back of my mind I knew I needed him in my life as a friend. I later dated a guy for about eight months and when we broke up my then friend again told me he still felt the same and I again said no because the timing was just awful and I wasn’t ready. We got a bit more distant after that and he started to slowly disappear out of my life. I lamented this on the phone with my mother one night and she said ‘it sounds like you’re in love with him.’
I was. I called him and told him he was the most important person in my life. Love doesn’t always look or feel like you think it’s supposed to.”
I've had a few close friends that highly recommended this approach, "Just be her friend and see what happens!" I mean seriously, would my friends steer me wrong?
Eh, I don't know if I would fully agree with that. Plenty of couples have started out with just being friends first.
Yep, this! Thank you! Personally, I think people completely dismissing the "friends first" response are the same kind of people that are anxious to hop in the sack, get laid, etc... but hey...if they are both on the same page with doing that...then hey, that works for them. But, the thing is there...a lot of people put their best foot forward while dating...they tend to hide things about themselves.
Say if they sleep with each other on date 3 or things get hot and heavy, then find out that person likes to drink obsessively and knock sh*t off tables, then you'd be like 'Oh crap, what'd I get myself into"
You see, with friends first, you can find out what the person is like first before any kind of intimacy.
Eh, I don't know if I would fully agree with that. Plenty of couples have started out with just being friends first.
You’re going to become “friends” regardless seeking bonded relations to someone. Unless you’re in to keeping company with people you hate or have no real feelings towards. Someone telling you let’s just be friends for now is telling you they have no zero intentions in that regard. It’s a purposeful ambiguity and a polite way of not addressing any immediate attraction.
Already having a friendship formed with someone and understanding (through change or reflection) your feelings have reached past the boundaries of plutonic intentions is another beast. It’s passed the point of understanding intentions, the friendship and bonds are already woven and present.
Well then there are people who are willing to have sex with their friends.
In that case, "friends first" is a matter of avoiding commitment until one feels invested enough for it (if ever.)
There have been people I've been willing to have friendship, and sex with, but did NOT want them treating me like I was some kind of property or interfering with my freedom. There is actual friendship, in FWB, yanno?
You’re going to become “friends” regardless seeking bonded relations to someone. Unless you’re in to keeping company with people you hate or have no real feelings towards. Someone telling you let’s just be friends for now is telling you they have no zero intentions in that regard. It’s a purposeful ambiguity and a polite way of not addressing any immediate attraction.
Already having a friendship formed with someone and understanding (through change or reflection) your feelings have reached past the boundaries of plutonic intentions is another beast. It’s passed the point of understanding intentions, the friendship and bonds are already woven and present.
Except that's not the case for every situation. For example, my best friend and his current girlfriend started out as just friends for about 3 months before they officially became a couple, and intimacy entered the picture.
Not saying you're totally wrong, though, but you can't use this for every single situation.
Except that's not the case for every situation. For example, my best friend and his current girlfriend started out as just friends for about 3 months before they officially became a couple, and intimacy entered the picture.
Not saying you're totally wrong, though, but you can't use this for every single situation.
They had zero intentions until change provoked it or their was intentions present and unspoken for.
I am speaking towards a dating scenero.
What you end up with in a scenero with mixed intentions is a choice to grow, invest and attmept to father a relationship that grows in to a shared romance all the while being influenced in the friendship by your romantic intentions.
Friendships can grow as people change, relations are fluid becuase we as people are fluid by nature. friendships can turn sour, or they can turn sweet because of this aspect of life.
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Personally, I think people completely dismissing the "friends first" response are the same kind of people that are anxious to hop in the sack, get laid, etc... but hey...if they are both on the same page with doing that...then hey, that works for them. But, the thing is there...a lot of people put their best foot forward while dating...they tend to hide things about themselves.
