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Your comment would be more accurate with one less word. And the word isn't 'speculative.'
Don't got no juice bar. I was chatting with my friends who work there and another customer, we were having fun. I told the assistant manager I had a suggestion: "Co-ed showers!" He laughed!
I don't know about you but when I go to the gym it's to work out. Watching people and swaggering to my music are just extra side benefits. It's sometimes difficult to work out without wasting time because you have your exercises and machines, but sometimes you have to wait for some specific machine to become free. You can't spend your time lollygagging. And anyway I thought I had my eye on her and figured she was in the showers. Maybe if I'd waited 10 more minutes I'd have met her.
I see a lot of the same people at my gym. If she's regular at all we'll meet up again.
You sweat the small stuff. I don't. I have a date tomorrow night. I can afford to let Ms. smiles-at-gym wait until our next meet.
Every time you and I cross paths you see the negative and I see the positive. You appear to objectify women and see them as the enemy. I see women as individuals and as my possible partners to make this whole crazy, lovely thing happen.
I'll eventually form a real relationship with my right woman, and you'll still be making your misogynistic posts.
Regarding Lovehound and his "she'll love the attention!" comment... I don't think he meant it QUITE the way it's being taken.
Fact is, if a man is able to read my response cues and non-verbals enough to sense when I am willing to talk, respect my "no" answer if he asks for a date and I am uninterested or unavailable, and does not make me feel threatened or that my boundaries are being pushed at... In other words, if he's a friendly dude with social skills, then yeah, you know what, I will love some nice attention.
I love a genuine compliment. I say "thank you!"
I don't think it's fair or right to vilify people for enjoying a bit of validation. Seriously WHY is that so horrible? As long as it's not done in an intrusive or obnoxious way, is it so crazy to think that a woman might in fact, love a bit of attention? Does it make her some kind of a horrible person? Why?
I have waited around hoping to "cross paths" with a mild crush or person of interest, that maybe I could make a bit of conversation, see if anything could happen, in my life. The key is, if they react with curt answers, dodgy eye contact, and an attempt to leave...one should accept that gracefully, let it go, move on. If one says, in response to anything from a compliment to a date request, "Thank you, but I am not interested/taken/busy/whatever" then you smile, wish them a great day, and move on with life.
I see no reason to believe that Lovehound does anything different.
I think we need to be careful not to read things into things, just because others have said similar, but with different intent.
Don't got no juice bar. I was chatting with my friends who work there and another customer, we were having fun. I told the assistant manager I had a suggestion: "Co-ed showers!" He laughed!
WTF? You said that? Like, out of the blue? While you were hanging out for 20 minutes waiting for a woman to come out of the locker room?
If you think about it, women have made it harder for men to approach them. And then these same ladies whine about how they can't find a man. But they throw their walls up when they do get approached. Can't win for losin'. :P
This is an excuse. There have always been shy or awkward guys, who couldn't approach women. Long before the term "sexual harassment" was coined. Furthermore, if some men have trouble approaching women, they can join groups, like you have, where group members get to know each other over time, and get comfortable with each other.
Surprised you didn't try to seal the deal then, what's taking so long?
I mean, waiting around the DOOR bar for TWENTY minutes? Yikes,dude. Quite stalker-ish behavior. Even I don't do that. And I'm the weird one?
See, this is your problem. You define waiting around the exit, or elevator, or whatever, as "stalkerish", when in fact, it's not unusual. You seem to lack social skills, OP. And self-confidence. Maybe you should work on those, instead of finding ways to blame women for your problems, in dedicated threads.
Another option for Lovehound would have been to continue the smiles, at the next gym visit when she's there, chat her up when they're' both waiting for machines to free up, or ask her if he can work-in to a machine she's on, and build from there.
With the frequent and repeated smiles directly intended at me, yes, I believe it completely. She was sending me "Hi!" smiles. I was sending same smiles back. She'll remember me and our encounter. If nothing else, she and I will have a fun convo about our workout music and we both getting into the music to take our attention off what is often rather boring, repetitive exercises.
As I have said elsewhere, at least three-fourths of my dates work out, and where else could you meet a person of the opposite persuasion and know right away they are into physical fitness too! Women I meet at the gym meet my 'metric.'
Also you'll have to admit the utility of meeting somebody at the gym, and already had that "first date" experience where you decide if you both feel mutual attraction. By the time you get into talking (at any boy-meets-girl thing) and you're exchanging smiles, BOTH of you are interested!
I haven't met any women at my gym yet but I've had numerous yoga-then-lunch or Zumba-then-lunch dates. My experience is that women are more into taking classes than men, judging from what women I've dated picked (always a class). My new interest works out on weight machines same or similar as mine. Which will make it more likely to see her again because we hang out in the exact same area of the gym.
With all the pessimism I see in the Relationship section it's a wonder anybody ever matches up. Either that or the pessimism is unwarranted!
True enough. I don't know a woman without options, just not good ones. Heck, every time I'm with someone and they go to show me a profile or an event on a site, there are messages from guys trying to get with them. No shortage of dudes working it out there.
^^^^ Exactly!
I would say any woman with good health who takes care of herself can always find just "a date" if they want to, as long as they are willing to lower their expectations until somebody asks them out. Or they can ask some man out, yes that's perfectly fine these days. Modern women are getting the idea that it's self-defeating to always wait to be "asked out" and many choose to take the initiative, with positive results.
And the #1 problem for women on OLD is men who want sex after the first or second date. Practically every woman I've dated expressed this feeling when she and I discussed OLD. Even when it was understood that there was to be no sex the man tried anyway! If I recall correctly this was 100% of the time a last date for the man who didn't understand the word "no" or words "get off me!"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovehound
And the #1 problem for women on OLD is men who want sex after the first or second date.
Yeah, we run in different circles, as the women I know want that if they're attracted to the guy as well. They won't be going out with them if they don't want to get it on with them by the second date (often happens the first). I can't recall the last time I had a third date where something hadn't happened before then. It has to be a couple of years.
I don't see anything pathetic about it. Women can wear whatever jewelry they want to - single or married.
I take back what I said. I know women in my own family who got hit on several times a day (not pleasantly either). But the truth is a ring won't stop the worst of them.
Oh, yes, I can understand now why you made the mistake. "Door" and "juice bar" sound so much exactly the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Fact is, if a man is able to read my response cues and non-verbals enough to sense when I am willing to talk, respect my "no" answer if he asks for a date and I am uninterested or unavailable, and does not make me feel threatened or that my boundaries are being pushed at... In other words, if he's a friendly dude with social skills, then yeah, you know what, I will love some nice attention.
I love a genuine compliment. I say "thank you!"
I don't think it's fair or right to vilify people for enjoying a bit of validation. Seriously WHY is that so horrible? As long as it's not done in an intrusive or obnoxious way, is it so crazy to think that a woman might in fact, love a bit of attention? Does it make her some kind of a horrible person? Why?
I have waited around hoping to "cross paths" with a mild crush or person of interest, that maybe I could make a bit of conversation, see if anything could happen, in my life. The key is, if they react with curt answers, dodgy eye contact, and an attempt to leave...one should accept that gracefully, let it go, move on. If one says, in response to anything from a compliment to a date request, "Thank you, but I am not interested/taken/busy/whatever" then you smile, wish them a great day, and move on with life.
I see no reason to believe that Lovehound does anything different.
I think we need to be careful not to read things into things, just because others have said similar, but with different intent.
This is exactly it! I was hanging around with a few friends who worked at the gym and one of the male customers. We were joking around, talking man talk, joking as noted below, we laughed.
Regarding Ms. smiles, if we cross again I'll wait until I'm not interrupting her sets and then maybe say "Hi" and introduce myself, and I'd mention our previous meet where we were both rockin' to our music. She'll send me facial and body language and verbal messages whether she's interested or perhaps uncomfortable (in which case I move on). If she's liking it I have to decide if it's just she's enjoying the attention, or if she's also interested in being friends. Many women will enjoy the attention provided it is polite and preferably humorous, and they'll send you "available" or "not available or not interested" messages. You just got to not be a boor, and read the signals correctly. If you don't read the signals correctly then you are a creep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
WTF? You said that? Like, out of the blue? While you were hanging out for 20 minutes waiting for a woman to come out of the locker room?
^^^^ Man talk when there weren't any grrls around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
See, this is your problem. You define waiting around the exit, or elevator, or whatever, as "stalkerish", when in fact, it's not unusual. You seem to lack social skills, OP. And self-confidence. Maybe you should work on those, instead of finding ways to blame women for your problems, in dedicated threads.
Another option for Lovehound would have been to continue the smiles, at the next gym visit when she's there, chat her up when they're' both waiting for machines to free up, or ask her if he can work-in to a machine she's on, and build from there.
Yeah, that's exactly it, and my opening line is to refer to the last time we met and how we both enjoyed our music! It isn't a line because it's custom, and it's a great intro because it connects the two of us in the past, so there's already an implied relationship of a sort.
And that's it with OP. He appears to be unsuccessful with women (or complains about it otherwise) and continues to start these discussions about how women "done him wrong." He always blames women when he should be lookin' in the mirror. — I have found in my own life that every single damned negative thing about my relations with people was my own damned fault. So I fixed them and now I have great relations. What I mean to say is that even the OP could have this fixed instead of just whining about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yeah, we run in different circles, as the women I know want that if they're attracted to the guy as well. They won't be going out with them if they don't want to get it on with them by the second date (often happens the first). I can't recall the last time I had a third date where something hadn't happened before then. It has to be a couple of years.
Actually you're younger than me and I remember yeah when in my twenties it was just like you described. The difference is I'm near retirement and dating age appropriate women so they're older than what you're used to, and many men are like me too not wanting instant sex but rather wanting a long term relationship. Most of the women I date want that too, recognizing that there has to be some sort of personal foundation built (many weeks or months) before you want to get together, and it's pretty much understood we are referring to exclusive relationships as in "get off OLD site."
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