Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't mind planning but I don't want to have the entire burden of it on my shoulders. I like it when both parties to the relationship provide input and a plan is arrived at together.
I was in a relationship long ago with a man who didn't want to help with the planning, but wanted to have veto power over my suggestions and also liked to complain when something I had planned didn't work out as well as we would have liked. No thank you.
I don’t have a problem planning, but I do have a problem with people who expect me to plan and then get all passive aggressive about it. For example, I dated one guy who would only suggest ridiculous date options like jet skiing which was of no interest to me, but then get passive aggressive when I would choose a restaurant and not know that a dish had shrimp in it (which was his phobia). He’d also expect me to plan when I was in his part of town and had no idea what was in that area.
Why be mean? I don't get it. These guys want your input on what to do on a date. I don't think that's such a bad thing.
As far as the hiking thing, maybe he's not really sure about your interest level. By putting the ball in your court, that's how he thinks he may find out. So if you're into him at all, tell him the next time you're going hiking. No big deal.
Sassy also had a point about him maybe being new in town. That was the situation with my SO. Now that we've been together a while and he's gotten more familiar with the area, he takes the lead more often.
They didn't ask for her input, though. They simply told her to put together a date, herself. One told her to invite him to tag along, the next time she planned to go hiking. That's not asking someone out. It's not asking for input, either. Asking for her input would be, "Hey, would you like to go hiking sometime?" (She answers affirmatively}. "Great. What kind of terrain do you prefer? Easy, challenging?" (She responds.). "OK. How about the ________ trail, near Mt. XYZ?"
No that is not it. I would say in the first few dates, they planned. But after that, they switched to "invite me and I will come" mode. At the time, I was okay with it. And I don't mind planning since I want to do something for them as well. But it gets old, and it doesn't seem like they are asking me out anymore.
This further explanation is helpful, OP. I think it's common, after a few dates, or after the couple has become an item. for both sides to plan, and for planning also to be spontaneous, sometimes. The guy gets things going, if he's the one to initiate dating, but after the two people get to know each other well, and get close, there's no need for a more structured approach to planning the dates anymore.
But telling you point blank to take over all the planing and inviting, is odd. If it's happened twice, I wonder if there's something about your dynamic with these guys, on the first few dates, or alternatively, I, too, would wonder if this is a new trend I hadn't heard about.
No that is not it. I would say in the first few dates, they planned. But after that, they switched to "invite me and I will come" mode. At the time, I was okay with it. And I don't mind planning since I want to do something for them as well. But it gets old, and it doesn't seem like they are asking me out anymore.
Easy way to find out what's up. Stop asking them out and see if they pick up the ball.
I think some guys just want to make sure the woman approves of and likes the place, so they put the ball in her court. They think they are being considerate and don't really understand how/why it can be off-putting for the woman.
In my view, it is a clumsy mistake made by unpolished men. An etiquette mistake with well-meaning intentions though, they just don't realize that asking someone on date is assuming the role of host (at least in the beginning before a relationship is established). To assign your guest tasks to do, isn't good form and won't make your guest feel very special.
Think about it this way: if you were throwing a party with a guest of honor, would you ask the guest of honor to plan the menu? Of course not.
I guess I'm guilty of using a guy's planning ability/style as one way to figure out if I want to keep seeing him. How much initiative does he take? Does he give me options? Does he take too much control or leave it to me to do everything? I'd like a balance.
Later in the relationship (maybe even only a few dates in) I'm glad to do half the planning. It's just exhausting for either party to do all the planning all the time.
Someone asking your preference really isn’t something to get upset over. Someone always asking you do everything including the event planning after asking you your preference can be.
Sometimes it’s easier if not knowing someone well or not being fimilar with the venues or events to have the person who is do so.
I would be more concerned having to designate someone as “the planner” than I would be being asked to set up an outing here and their.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-01-2018 at 08:10 AM..
On our first date, I asked my wife ahead of time where she'd like to go eat or do. I've always done that. I'd rather do what she wants to do than to plan something she totally hates doing. In the almost 18 years we've been married, when we decide to get out and do something, I tell her I'm just the chauffeur. Just tell us where we're going and I'll sit behind the wheel and follow the front of the car. I do try to offer suggestions. My wife has to use a wheelchair because of hip and back problems. She can walk around but not more than maybe 5 minutes. So I'll check things out and find places I can get her chair in and out and not have many, if any, obstacles inside, and make a suggestion. But the final decision of where we go is hers. She does ask me from time to time and that's when I do the "wife routine". "I don't know. Where do YOU want to go?" lol
But, KitKat, if you agree to the planning, I hope you're not one of those who find the most expensive restaurants for him to take you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
