In college, lots of options what to do? (girls, young, sex)
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In college have options in regards to females. This one girl I have been hitting it off with and we ended up hooking up. I feel like we are progressing towards a relationship, but that is not what I want. she sits next to me in class, constantly text me, we even hang out. So I am being reciprocal but she is the one initiating a lot. I am young and want to have fun still. She is the one that pursued me I feel like. I see people looking our way or staring at us in class. People know that something is going on. I want to have fun and fool around still and I think she is becoming too attached. I don't know the best way to break it down to her without causing issues.
Technically we are not in a relationship, but I feel that if I tell her I am not ready for a relationship it looks bad on me because she will tell all her friends which are in my class and I end up looking like the bad guy. Her friends know and other people have approached me about it, so people know. I like to keep things secret and private, but its not working. So if I want to fool around I will get a bad reputation in front of the other girls in my class. Part of the reason I am not as into her as well is because she is pretty moody and has pissed me off a couple of times. I am generally a chill guy, but she has a big personality, comes across as immature, and acts like a know it all. This has rubbed me the wrong way. What should I do?
Also what is the mature thing to say when people ask me what is going on between me and that girl? I
Last edited by lifeadvice12; 10-12-2018 at 02:03 PM..
Communicate. Early and often. There's no magic spell that is going to let her know what you want and what your expectations are without you using your words. Be kind, and don't worry about gossip and what other people will think.
Communicate. Early and often. There's no magic spell that is going to let her know what you want and what your expectations are without you using your words. Be kind, and don't worry about gossip and what other people will think.
Sho nuff...
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx
I wish I was young and had young people problems.
No way do I wanna go through all the mess I went through back in college. No thank you
OP, this sounds like an unusual situation. Who takes classes with a bunch of friends? Are these all people who you met through your program major? In most college classes, nobody notices what some couple (or non-couple) in the class is doing. How would they even know you're texting each other, or have a thing going on?
If she's not compatible with you, which "moody" and "immature" sounds like is the case, IDK, you don't have a lot of choices. Probably the best option is to tell her you're not looking for a relationship, and say you're not sure if she misread you. Something along those lines. She's in your class, so you can't ghost her or do a slow fade. You'll have to say something (or text something), there's no other way. Just find the least confrontational way of saying it. But you'll probably have to find someone else to "have fun" with, after that.
RE: the mature thing to say, if people ask, you could say you're not sure. You could say, it's a work in progress, or you're figuring it out. (IOW be vague) . But ideally, you'll talk to her sooner, rather than later, so few people will be asking, after she understands you're not on the same page with her and moves on. If people ask you what happened, after she's moved on, you can say anything: "we weren't on the same page", or "she was nice, but we didn't get along sometimes", "it didn't work out" is a good one--very neutral, and truthful.
OP, it sounds like you live in the middle of a soap opera, with all these people so interested in your status. It wasn't remotely like that, when I was in college.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-12-2018 at 02:32 PM..
I don’t see anything wrong with casual sex if both partners know it’s casial with no strings attached prior to the deed.
Did you state that to her?
If you only want casual sex with her, tell her in person, and a gentle way to put it is by saying she’s a great girl but you are at the stage in your life you aren’t ready to commit to one person.
Yeah she will be hurt, maybe cry and tell her friends. But she should have asked you before sleeping with you if you wanted a relationship.
You can try all you want to stay private, but somehow things always manage to get out in college. Just don’t let it interfere with the bigger picture, your degree.
Before you have sex, it’s a good idea to tell the person that it’s only causal and doesn’t mean you want to commit.
In college have options in regards to females. This one girl I have been hitting it off with and we ended up hooking up. I feel like we are progressing towards a relationship, but that is not what I want. she sits next to me in class, constantly text me, we even hang out. So I am being reciprocal but she is the one initiating a lot. I am young and want to have fun still. She is the one that pursued me I feel like. I see people looking our way or staring at us in class. People know that something is going on. I want to have fun and fool around still and I think she is becoming too attached. I don't know the best way to break it down to her without causing issues.
Technically we are not in a relationship, but I feel that if I tell her I am not ready for a relationship it looks bad on me because she will tell all her friends which are in my class and I end up looking like the bad guy. Her friends know and other people have approached me about it, so people know. I like to keep things secret and private, but its not working. So if I want to fool around I will get a bad reputation in front of the other girls in my class. Part of the reason I am not as into her as well is because she is pretty moody and has pissed me off a couple of times. I am generally a chill guy, but she has a big personality, comes across as immature, and acts like a know it all. This has rubbed me the wrong way. What should I do?
Also what is the mature thing to say when people ask me what is going on between me and that girl? I
Your privacy is gone after you showed your privates to her.
If you want a ‘good reputation’ then stop hooking up.
OP, this sounds like an unusual situation. Who takes classes with a bunch of friends? Are these all people who you met through your program major? In most college classes, nobody notices what some couple (or non-couple) in the class is doing. How would they even know you're texting each other, or have a thing going on?
If she's not compatible with you, which "moody" and "immature" sounds like is the case, IDK, you don't have a lot of choices. Probably the best option is to tell her you're not looking for a relationship, and say you're not sure if she misread you. Something along those lines. She's in your class, so you can't ghost her or do a slow fade. You'll have to say something (or text something), there's no other way. Just find the least confrontational way of saying it. But you'll probably have to find someone else to "have fun" with, after that.
RE: the mature thing to say, if people ask, you could say you're not sure. You could say, it's a work in progress, or you're figuring it out. (IOW be vague) . But ideally, you'll talk to her sooner, rather than later, so few people will be asking, after she understands you're not on the same page with her and moves on. If people ask you what happened, after she's moved on, you can say anything: "we weren't on the same page", or "she was nice, but we didn't get along sometimes", "it didn't work out" is a good one--very neutral, and truthful.
OP, it sounds like you live in the middle of a soap opera, with all these people so interested in your status. It wasn't remotely like that, when I was in college.
my major is very selective and not a big class group. Probably around 60 people in the cohort
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