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There is nothing wrong with wanting to unwind (especially if you are an introvert) and enjoy some of your hobbies and interests. As I said earlier, I definitely understand. But there's a problem when TV shows are a higher priority than spending time with your girlfriend.
I may be wrong but it sounds like you just want to have sex with her and then leave to do your own thing.
You are wrong because it's more than just sex. I stay over every night. I help her around the house. I love to cuddle with her and I love spending time with her. I just noticed that I haven't made much time for myself lately and she seems to get upset whenever I want time to myself.
I've been dating a very nice girl I met from an online dating site for two months now. Everything is good so far, and we are still in that honeymoon phase which is nice. However I'm a bit concerned. One major advantage we have is that we both live in the same town, so it's a short drive.
She owns her own home, and I share a condo with my sister who is rarely home. I noticed she always wants to hangout at her place and never really wants to come over mine. Even when she does, it's not for that long. I love her place but she has a tough time understanding that some nights I just want to be at my condo. I told her it's probably a good idea for me to skip a few nights so we aren't smothering each other. I also told her I'm falling behind on my shows; she doesn't have cable and uses streaming services, while I have both.
I also told her it's hard for me to keep up with laundry and errands because she wants me over so much and that I need time for myself sometimes. She took it as I was complaining. On nights that I don't stay over or if it's a night with the guys, she begs me to stay over, and will tell me to blow them off. Is she trying to control me, clingy, or both? I know some of these issues seem minor, but I feel like we as humans need to have our "me time" and have time away from our SO. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I really wished that this relationship would work out for you BUT the fact that she thinks you're complaining when you're NOT about you needing time for yourself, to do your regular errands, to catch up on things, and to hang out with friends...it will only get worse for you as long as you're with her.She doesn't seem to understand having healthy boundaries and time alone at times.You can keep seeing her BUT those things will only get worse..for YOU. You are perfectly fine in saying what you said to her.Someone who has healthy boundaries wouldn't have been hurt about what you said.It's normal to have a healthy balance in a relationship.She doesn't seem to understand that boundary so this relationship should not last.You need someone who understands healthy space...she apparently doesn't and this is as you say the honeymoon phase of the relationship and this is how she's acting now?It will only get worse.Get out while you can.Oh..and yes..she is being clingy and it's also a very slow way to her being controlling towards you.When someone you're dating is telling you to ditch your friends...and they get upset when you don't do that...they're trying to control you.Red flag.I understand 100% on where you're coming from.If you talk to her about how you feel and IF she does back off...it will only last for awhile before she starts to be controlling.You don't want to deal with someone like that in any sort of relationship..whether it be friends or more.
Last edited by codergirl; 08-29-2018 at 01:30 PM..
I really wished that this relationship would work out for you BUT the fact that she thinks you're complaining when you're NOT about you needing time for yourself, to do your regular errands, to catch up on things, and to hang out with friends...it will only get worse for you as long as you're with her.She doesn't seem to understand having healthy boundaries and time alone at times.You can keep seeing her BUT those things will only get worse..for YOU. You are perfectly fine in saying what you said to her.Someone who has healthy boundaries wouldn't have been hurt about what you said.It's normal to have a healthy balance in a relationship.She doesn't seem to understand that boundary so this relationship should not last.You need someone who understands healthy space...she apparently doesn't and this is as you say the honeymoon phase of the relationship and this is how she's acting now?It will only get worse.Get out while you can.Oh..and yes..she is being clingy and it's also a very slow way to her being controlling towards you.When someone you're dating is telling you to ditch your friends...and they get upset when you don't do that...they're trying to control you.Red flag.I understand 100% on where you're coming from.If you talk to her about how you feel and IF she does back off...it will only last for awhile before she starts to be controlling.You don't want to deal with someone like that in any sort of relationship..whether it be friends or more.
You hit the nail on the head. That is what is worrying me and I really like her. I should sit her down and have a talk about this before it gets worse.
These sound like minor adjustment problems. She’s probably head over heels in love and hasn’t yet felt the need for some emotional balance. It’s probably not so much control as it a lack of maturity.
As Zen said, if you work with her to create a good schedule, things may fall into place nicely. But don’t create a problem where there isn’t one. Sometimes you have to walk the tightrope of space and togetherness so you don’t set off a bad feedback loop where the more you push away, the harder the other person tries to compensate.
And what is so wrong with me wanting unwind and enjoy some of my hobbies and interests? And again, there's more to it than that. But thanks for picking and choosing what you want to address.
There's nothing wrong with it. People here are being harsh.
In a new relationship, the honeymoon phase is when you let parts of your life slide because you are SOOOOO into your new love that you just wanna be with them all the time. It's not sustainable, of course.
CapsChick had the best advice waaaaay back in post 3. Your GF should understand this. I don't think she's as controlling as she is spoiled and immature.
She wants to be where she feels most comfortable, but that's not fair to you. You should be able to take some time to yourself without threatening the relationship.
LMAO! she is pretty horny and the sex is awesome, I'll say that.
Two months and the sex is awesome. Of course it is! It's only been two months. I personally feel you are moving too fast but that's just me. I would just be honest and tell her you need some "me" time. I hate when a man wants to monopolize my time. I have a life outside of a relationship.
These sound like minor adjustment problems. She’s probably head over heels in love and hasn’t yet felt the need for some emotional balance. It’s probably not so much control as it a lack of maturity.
As Zen said, if you work with her to create a good schedule, things may fall into place nicely. But don’t create a problem where there isn’t one. Sometimes you have to walk the tightrope of space and togetherness so you don’t set off a bad feedback loop where the more you push away, the harder the other person tries to compensate.
Well said Ellie. I noticed whenever I try to give myself some me-time, she kind of panics and chases after me.
There's nothing wrong with it. People here are being harsh.
In a new relationship, the honeymoon phase is when you let parts of your life slide because you are SOOOOO into your new love that you just wanna be with them all the time. It's not sustainable, of course.
CapsChick had the best advice waaaaay back in post 3. Your GF should understand this. I don't think she's as controlling as she is spoiled and immature.
She wants to be where she feels most comfortable, but that's not fair to you. You should be able to take some time to yourself without threatening the relationship.
BirdieBelle! My savior lol! As always, you come through for me! Yeah CapsChick made some good points. It's concerning because whenever she and I hangout with our friends, she texts me like crazy and says she misses me and even wants me to hangout with her. She wanted me to come to the hotel she and her friends were at a few weeks ago when it was her friend's bachelorette party! I was like WTF is wrong with you?!
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