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It's to be kind and spare feelings. I personally have always known pretty much right away that I was attracted. I have never regretted not pursuing a situation where I wasn't feeling it from the get-go. To me attraction is really the point. Otherwise, the person is a friend.
Too much is put on the physical too, bc....the best looking man or woman can be the biggest a-hole or bi*ch.
Altho I have to say, I tend to like the bi*ch-type of woman.
I put emphasis on both. Both are important. Just physical: lust. Exclusively mental: friends. Some of each: now I'm interested.
The worst-looking can be an A-hole too, BTW.
@ JerZ - I made the mistake of doing that with the last woman I dated, and as I said eariler in this thread....she ended up being pretty f*king mean and controlling and she got po*d when she found out, she couldn't control me.
The last woman I dated, it took 2 or 3 dates for it to click. We even joked that both of us were trying to break up with each other, but in the end we ended up dating for a couple of months. If it wasn't for the distance, we'd probably be still dating now honestly. We went out on a third date and everything kinda sorta just clicked. Up to that point, I was really leaning towards just ghosting her, but we kept staying in intermediate contact. I agreed to hang out the next day and changed plans on the fly. She drove to my town, she rang the doorbell, I opened the door, and at that moment I didn't care about the other women I was dating at that moment.
So even I'm aware that sometimes chemistry can come when you least expect it, but I think you get so many one and done dates that people forget that the person they may develop instant chemistry with, isn't the person they would enjoy a long-term relationship with. With chemistry can come drama and a good amount of women I've liked immediately and with intense emotion, ended up being a lot of heartache and emotional drama for me. The feelings were definitely one sided, so I'm a lot more open to dates taking its time these days.
Good post. I know when I was much younger, like 18 to 23, I didn't think much about chemistry. With very few exceptions, I just dated whoever showed interest, regardless of how I felt in her presence. I found my first girlfriend that way. Not only wasn't I attracted to her, I felt bored with her even on our first date. I still decided to keep seeing her, and dated her until we fizzled out a few months later.
In my mid 20's, when I got better at meeting women, I started paying more attention to how much I enjoy the company of the women I met. But even so, I still didn't believe in the concept of chemistry, and viewed it as thinly veiled code for "attraction" (which I still do today). Instead, I picked my relationships based on a combination of my attraction and the cost/benefit ratio of getting together with a specific woman.
In 2015, I learned the truth about women's sexual selection strategies (rhymes with "bread bill" ). That's when I started to scrutinize how I feel in a specific woman's presence. (Perhaps that's what women mean when they say "chemistry"?) As well as scrutinizing her motive for accepting my approach: does she feel real attraction to me, or is she looking for someone to settle down with? And it served me pretty well. Since then, even after losing all of my libido, I never met a woman whose company I didn't enjoy. Any bad apples got filtered out at "hello".
Good post. I know when I was much younger, like 18 to 23, I didn't think much about chemistry. With very few exceptions, I just dated whoever showed interest, regardless of how I felt in her presence. I found my first girlfriend that way. Not only wasn't I attracted to her, I felt bored with her even on our first date. I still decided to keep seeing her, and dated her until we fizzled out a few months later.
In my mid 20's, when I got better at meeting women, I started paying more attention to how much I enjoy the company of the women I met. But even so, I still didn't believe in the concept of chemistry, and viewed it as thinly veiled code for "attraction" (which I still do today). Instead, I picked my relationships based on a combination of my attraction and the cost/benefit ratio of getting together with a specific woman.
In 2015, I learned the truth about women's sexual selection strategies (rhymes with "bread bill" ). That's when I started to scrutinize how I feel in a specific woman's presence. (Perhaps that's what women mean when they say "chemistry"?) As well as scrutinizing her motive for accepting my approach: does she feel real attraction to me, or is she looking for someone to settle down with? And it served me pretty well. Since then, even after losing all of my libido, I never met a woman whose company I didn't enjoy. Any bad apples got filtered out at "hello".
When women do want to settle down, which is quite a normal thing, not some secret manipulation that only few somehow know about, we want to do it with someone we ARE very attracted to.
Just one more reason bread bill is full skit and for shuman-plating poozers. Actual grownups understand that a lot goes into wanting to be with just one person. Usually, attraction is a big part.
This. As a guy, if a gal is really quiet, subdued, and non-expressive it can be really offputting.
Some things you can do would be to make sexual jokes. You can respond to things in a coy manner. Be pouty like French women. There are many things you can do to spice it up.
No. Everyone should just be themselves. Putting on a fake personality is exhausting and it would impossible to keep it going for a LTR anyway. If you're loud and playful, be that way. If you're quiet and serious, be that way. Wait for someone who likes it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Sadly, yes, this is true. I am six feet tall. Years ago when eHarmony was new and they didn't have commercials yet, I signed up. Got no matches, and after six months they wanted me to re-up and I said no because they hadn't sent me even one match.
So, they said they would review my profile and came back with, "Our studies show that only 3% of men would date a woman of your height. Would you like to change your profile?"
That's gross, hurtful, and so dumb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo
I have never used eHarmony but this makes me dislike it. Geez.
It seems awful. I had some friends who met on there. They broke up years later because he was childfree and she wanted children. I guess they had naturally had this come up rather early on and she attempted to live with it and couldn't. But when I asked them whether eharmony had asked about this in advance before matching them, they said no! How could a dating site not ask whether you want kids?? WTF That is one of the most important aspects of compatibility that exists because it's one of the few things it's impossible to compromise on.
(this was long ago so maybe things have changed with it now)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bravesrule384
IMO, I think there is too much emphasis put on chemistry. It shouldn't be the *be all, end all* aspect of either finding a relationship or a relationship, period.
I really can't imagine a relationship without chemistry. For me, that'd be a dealbreaker. That said, chemistry can develop over time through a shared connection. Ask anyone who developed an unexpected crush on a friend or coworker they were not previously attracted to. It's happened to me many times. So for that reason, I'd need to hang out with someone a bit before I came to the conclusion we had no chemistry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
Me too. But you do have to be careful; just because the chemistry is there doesnt mean everything else is.
Yes. Best sex I've ever had was with the craziest, most irritating and completely ridiculous dude I've ever met. Hoping I'll meet someone in the future who does it better than he did.
No. Everyone should just be themselves. Putting on a fake personality is exhausting and it would impossible to keep it going for a LTR anyway. If you're loud and playful, be that way. If you're quiet and serious, be that way. Wait for someone who likes it.
That's gross, hurtful, and so dumb.
It seems awful. I had some friends who met on there. They broke up years later because he was childfree and she wanted children. I guess they had naturally had this come up rather early on and she attempted to live with it and couldn't. But when I asked them whether eharmony had asked about this in advance before matching them, they said no! How could a dating site not ask whether you want kids?? WTF That is one of the most important aspects of compatibility that exists because it's one of the few things it's impossible to compromise on.
(this was long ago so maybe things have changed with it now)
I really can't imagine a relationship without chemistry. For me, that'd be a dealbreaker. That said, chemistry can develop over time through a shared connection. Ask anyone who developed an unexpected crush on a friend or coworker they were not previously attracted to. It's happened to me many times. So for that reason, I'd need to hang out with someone a bit before I came to the conclusion we had no chemistry.
Yes. Best sex I've ever had was with the craziest, most irritating and completely ridiculous dude I've ever met. Hoping I'll meet someone in the future who does it better than he did.
@ That_One_Girl - women get Mod cut. by the bad guys, bc they place too much importance on chemistry which is then when you hear them say...their picker is bad or they feel they made a bad choice in a guy.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 09-30-2018 at 07:45 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
@ That_One_Girl - women get [bleep] by the bad guys, bc they place too much importance on chemistry which is then when you hear them say...their picker is bad or they feel they made a bad choice in a guy.
This is true but there's no inherent reason you wouldn't have chemistry with someone nice, either. I've had hot chemistry with very nice, non-crazy men as well. And like I said, it can develop over time. I'd want to get to know someone a while before deciding something like that. I think most people are too hurried to get into bed/a relationship. I just want to hang out with someone and develop a friendly connection first.
This is true but there's no inherent reason you wouldn't have chemistry with someone nice, either. I've had hot chemistry with very nice, non-crazy men as well. And like I said, it can develop over time. I'd want to get to know someone a while before deciding something like that. I think most people are too hurried to get into bed/a relationship. I just want to hang out with someone and develop a friendly connection first.
I was nodding, and said..."EXACTLY", with every thing you said there toward the end where you said..."I think most people are too hurried to get into bed/a relationship".
I was nodding, and said..."EXACTLY", with every thing you said there toward the end where you said..."I think most people are too hurried to get into bed/a relationship".
To each their own. I take things slow. Sexually and relationship wise. But everyone is different. People should do what they're comfortable with. I've just seen a lot of people rush in, claim they are madly in love and then hate the person a few months later, lol.
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). That's when I started to scrutinize how I feel in a specific woman's presence. (Perhaps that's what women mean when they say "chemistry"?) As well as scrutinizing her motive for accepting my approach: does she feel real attraction to me, or is she looking for someone to settle down with? And it served me pretty well. Since then, even after losing all of my libido, I never met a woman whose company I didn't enjoy. Any bad apples got filtered out at "hello".
