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Compared to a few other people I know personally and from break up stories I've heard from certain individuals (via books, internet, television, etc) my break up pales in comparison. And in a lot of ways I ought to look at it optimistically and be thankful that the relationship didn't last longer which would have made the wound deeper.
We've been together for a little more than 2 years. At the age of 31, this has been my longest relationship. I truly haven't had many serious relationships. I've only been in 3 serious relationships which I have taken SLOWLY (the previous one being my third). I could never allow myself to dive deep into relationships so quickly, it was always a work in progress for me. This relationship was no different since the person I was with had the same mindset. However, we definitely fell deeply in love with each other and she was far and away the first women whom I truly looked at as a real potential life partner and wife. Never, EVER was I so sure about wanting to start a family with a woman like I was with her. Not that I can say she was "the one" but she was a damn sure promising prospect. She was the first female whom made me rethink so many things when it comes to having a family. Prior to her, the thought of being alone for the rest of my life was something I happily accepted. Having my nieces and nephews be the closest I have to kids. With her, I WANTED our own beings, our own creations and progeny. Put simply, I was IN LOVE.
I can't say that I've truly been in love before. Sure, other partners I've enjoyed their company, I loved the concept of love, loved being loved and admired. A lot of it was my selfishness and narcissism. I was more in love with the way other women made me feel rather than really being in love with them. I definitely enjoyed them but after a while I didn't really like them anymore. They would annoy me and a lot of times I just couldn't wait to escape them. With this previous woman, I actually loved being with her. Day in, day out. I was never pestered by her company and we ALWAYS had a great time. Even if we had some bumps in the road we had a beautiful time. In the short time we were together we did a TREMENDOUS amount of activities and ventured to so many places.
Anyhow, you guys get the picture. Things were beautiful, till they weren't. She's a very ambitious and goal oriented individual, which is what I love and admire. I'm with her and support her 1000%. Of course, I am a productive and busy individual as well. I have goals and aspirations and a purpose completely outside her. The detriment of all this was that she was so focused on her current studies that she simply threw the relationship away, because "she couldn't balance and maintain it" any longer. The killer was that she never really said we are over. She simply ignored me, stop responding to me, broke up with me without breaking up with me. She didn't have time for me but she had time to hangout with others, be on social media and make time to do things that she loves. Which was all good and well but why the hell am I getting the short of the stick? She said she loved me but the relationship was thrown away. Everyone else gets a text, a FB message, gets likes on their Instagram, she uploads to social media but doesn't have time for me.
Eventually I gave up trying to contact and reason with her. I didn't blow up her phone with text and calls. I would give her a ring one night and a goodnight text after. Nothing mean at all. Followed it up a few nights later and just decided that I got the memo. It just makes no sense to me, I don't care how busy you are, if there's someone in your life you say you LOVE you make time for them. It may not be all the time you have but you make time. Someway, somehow.
I don't want to ramble on but it's been killing me. I would much prefer if she simply called it off and told me like a real adult, a real woman that she has to end the relationship. Or that she simply can't go on with it any longer. At least there would be clarity, there would be some understanding. It would hurt but at least it wouldn't EAT at me. I can't sleep right, my eating habits are terrible. I either hardly eat or go hard eating (junk food mostly). I haven't been taking care of my hygiene. Usually before bed I NEED to brush my teeth but lately if I do, I do. If I don't, that's okay too. TMI but usually I'll take a dump then shower immediately because I hate that dirty feeling. Now, I'll wipe my ass just enough.
I wake up everyday just feeling like I can't do anything. I zombie my way through life, and don't care to do much. I'll have jolts of optimism and excitement that things will be even better, that she'll realize what she's lost, that I'm single now and there's a lot of freedom in that. It only last for a short period till I dwell in the mist of feeling angry, bitter, confused, exasperated, self loathing, self blaming. I feel like a failure, I don't feel good enough for anything. The things that usually get me excited, motivated and ready to take on the world, have no effect.
I didn't cheat, I didn't do anything wrong that I am aware of. Yet, she left me and it has me wondering that there is so much more to her doing that. There's no way that its because she's too busy, I know there's more she doesn't want to tell me or that she probably doesn't know herself.
Unlike my other break ups, where she come to some sort of disagreement and either we both or one of us decide its best we both call it quits; this has me asking much more questions and leaving me with hardly any answers. We had such a wonderful time last we were together. Now, none of the investment means a thing. Its baffling to me how people can just throw away a relationship they too have invested tremendously in.
Again, sorry for rambling but I'm so disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I am allowing myself to be effected by this, that I'm allowing myself to be eaten alive by the pain associated with this break up. It occupies my thoughts NON-STOP. Things can be so much worse but the pain is something I can't ignore. Someone whom I made a priority in my life, someone whom meant so much to me is now gone because they simply can care less about the relationship. And I just needed to get this off my chest somehow. I haven't told any friends are family yet. A few of my friends and family have been asking me "How's your girlfriend?" "Where is your girlfriend?" "Hows such and such doing"? And I am NOT ready nor in the mood to explain to anyone close to me why we are not together. Nor do I want to recant and talk about it to them. So this actually helps me much more since its a much better catharsis then I thought. It helps me much than I thought. Better than me talking to myself and out loud when I have complete privacy.
Anyhow, I hope you all have a wonderful time! And please share your thoughts, feelings, comments, theories, relatable stories, emotional outburst, etc. Thanks.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,105,621 times
Reputation: 40635
I can't remember any breakups outside of a discussion to just stop seeing each other because it was no longer working for one of us, or both of us, usually both of us.
That is horrible not having any closure. I am truly sorry, it must be very hard not knowing what happened.
I don't think he needs to ask the forum why she is ignoring or done with him.
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From October 2
this past Sunday I got COMPLETELY trashed and I can't even live with myself. I had to call out of work yesterday and today because I am too sick. Though I am getting better now, my mental health is suffering. I feel intensely embarrassed, ashamed, and not proud of myself whatsoever. To others they'll say "Oh, you must've had a good night!" To me, it was all NOT worth the price to pay how I feel. It's not worth me being in a state of vulnerability, where I can't recall moments clearly and where I wouldn't be able to be vigilant and aware. Not only for myself but my company, my family, friends, my girlfriend. It bothers me to no end that in that state I was in, I was just completely useless, that I became a burden to other people. That other people in my home had to clean up after me. It bothers me that my girlfriend is ignoring me, because I probably said something stupid over the phone. Now I'm stressing out if my relationship is over.
I didn't cheat, I didn't do anything wrong that I am aware of. Yet, she left me and it has me wondering that there is so much more to her doing that. There's no way that its because she's too busy, I know there's more she doesn't want to tell me or that she probably doesn't know herself.
You didn't do anything that your aware of ? Come on man
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this past Sunday I got COMPLETELY trashed and I can't even live with myself. I had to call out of work yesterday and today because I am too sick. Though I am getting better now, my mental health is suffering. I feel intensely embarrassed, ashamed, and not proud of myself whatsoever. To others they'll say "Oh, you must've had a good night!" To me, it was all NOT worth the price to pay how I feel. It's not worth me being in a state of vulnerability, where I can't recall moments clearly and where I wouldn't be able to be vigilant and aware. Not only for myself but my company, my family, friends, my girlfriend. It bothers me to no end that in that state I was in, I was just completely useless, that I became a burden to other people. That other people in my home had to clean up after me. It bothers me that my girlfriend is ignoring me, because I probably said something stupid over the phone. Now I'm stressing out if my relationship is over.
Worst breakup? I was with my husband for 24 years and he left me the night before I had major surgery. We had just moved to a new city and I had no family or friends for help. He didn't tell me the reason why and never admitted he had an affair. I never got any closure. So yeah, things can suck.
Of course you are deeply affected! No self blame please.
We've been where you are now and know how painful it is....but believe me, you will survive and once again feel great....just takes some time to work through things.
It's really hard to give constructive feedback when you deliberately withhold details that would change the narrative. If it's true that you got completely trashed to the point where you blacked out and don't remember anything you said or did, that is a very real reason why she probably dumped you. For you to not mention it and play the victim isn't going to get you any helpful answers, Just FYI.
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