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Why do you feel the need for special label outside of “heterosexual”? Most people acknowledge that there is a wide variance within heterosexuality, but at the end of the day, if you’re interested in woman romantically, you’re heterosexual. Are you so self important that you need a more exclusionary term to identify with?
There's also an aspect that is this...this core concept, that I'm always pushing against.
It's the concept of autonomy. I believe that a generally functional (like, not severely impaired) adult person has the RIGHT to shape their own concept of self. If you take that away, what is left? It's dehumanizing to tell people that everybody else has more rights and power over you, your very own self, than you do. I loathe the very notion that conformity is best. It makes me a bit angry to tell the truth.
So while I don't care if other people recognize some aspect of my identity or use it to address me or remember I once told them I was a sapiosexual, or an artist, or an accounting nerd, or a cat person, or WHATEVER aspect of me I could point to... I will definitely stand for my own right to consider myself any of these things as I please. The choice to use any label, or to NOT use any labels, in how I think about myself, is a personal thing, it's my choice to make for me.
So sometimes I really think this whole...thing...all the words, labels, differentiation and all... It's mostly a sort of identity crisis where people are trying very hard to simply be seen as a person. Not just a faceless cog in the machine. Not just an aesthetically symmetrical breeding cow and comfort giver. Not just a paycheck. Not just a nobody in a sea of nobodies. A person, a human being, whose thoughts and feelings matter. Fighting back against the depressing opposite idea, that no one is special, and no one matters. And no, a person does not need some kind of sexual identity label in order to be a valid human who is important. But you really don't know what experiences one has had, and why they might feel a need to assert their humanity in this way.
Anyways. The ego would have it, that everything is about each of us, but another person's identity labels really are not about you. Your opinions on them aren't really important. They serve the person who has chosen to use them, which honestly is all that matters.
If we normalize all the labels we will be expected to identify by them. For instance if there is a demisexual box to check on an online dating site, and you would fit the definition of demi but you do not choose to identify as such, that might be a problem because you could appear dishonest.
The guy in the video seemed upset because he didn't fit in with people in his circle, and he felt "broken" for being different. He isn't broken just because he isn't exactly like his friends, he is merely an individual. He can accept a label or say I'm just being me. But when a label is out there, we may well expected to use it - sometimes there is even a box to check. So it is still about conforming.
Why do you feel the need for special label outside of “heterosexual”?
Frankly, because I'm not heterosexual.
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Most people acknowledge that there is a wide variance within heterosexuality, but at the end of the day, if you’re interested in woman romantically, you’re heterosexual.
I think there is a lot of variance, and I do think some acknowledge it, though not most people I've encountered. As for the assumption that if I'm attracted to women I'm heterosexual, that's a huge assumption.
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Are you so self important that you need a more exclusionary term to identify with?
No, I sought other ways of thinking/terminology because I always had a very difficult time with dating and understanding what I wanted vs. what others professed that they wanted.
If we normalize all the labels we will be expected to identify by them. For instance if there is a demisexual box to check on an online dating site, and you would fit the definition of demi but you do not choose to identify as such, that might be a problem because you could appear dishonest.
The guy in the video seemed upset because he didn't fit in with people in his circle, and he felt "broken" for being different. He isn't broken just because he isn't exactly like his friends, he is merely an individual. He can accept a label or say I'm just being me. But when a label is out there, we may well expected to use it - sometimes there is even a box to check. So it is still about conforming.
Ahhh. So it's that "if we let some people do the thing, then eventually we will all HAVE to do the thing." at the root of feeling so threatened by that which is different, so often there is this.
I would say that MOST Americans do not have any interest or use for labels like demi, sapio, pan, ace, and the lot. We've got a bunch of terms in polyamory, you can find 'em in books and websites on the subject. Relationship anarchy. Solo poly. Triads, quads, polycules oh my. And at one point, my poly friends were sharing about an article (clickbait) in the Facebook groups, and they were all happy happy about it but it kind of p*ssed me off. Because it had a headline something like, "Is polyamory the future of relationships?'
I was mad, because the point of that headline was to freak out monogamous people. By threatening them with "this weird thing you aren't into, is THE FUTURE and you will HAVE to not only accept it, but deal with others close to you doing it and eventually you'll have to do it yourself!" Oh for heavens sakes. Bullcrap. Poly will never be the majority, I really do not think. And I, even someone who has done that and knows loads of people who do...I have zero need for it to be "the new normal."
So what I am saying, is that I do not believe that these things will in fact ever become normalized to the point where everyone will be expected to comply. Just like I do not think that no matter how much we come to accept gay people as just people, and if gay marriage rights are a universal norm, and if we cease to see anything odd about it at all...I STILL don't think most people will be under any expectation to participate and become gay. I STILL believe it will be a minority of people who are.
But hey, if it became so universal as all that, why NOT check a box on a dating site if you fit the definition? Because you are somehow the last lone wolf who is mad about "the labels?" I doubt it. Most likely it will never be that universally adopted that you'd be required to click a box. And if it were somehow, you'd adapt like everybody else.
How about this...now on sites there is the option to select if you are straight, gay, bi, pan, etc. Right? And most folks here who are straight would go ahead and pick that from the drop-down and move along, right? Do you have a moment of anger because it's not simply assumed that you are straight? That those gay, bi, etc labels are there for others to use, as though it should just be assumed straight unless someone writes otherwise? Does it cause you grief? No. At least...it shouldn't.
As for the assumption that if I'm attracted to women I'm heterosexual, that's a huge assumption.
If that is the case, then your logic has gone off the rails. I mean... WOW... Reality has no meaning.
There is no way to have an intelligent conversation with someone on this topic if that is the premise...
Nothing else to say. Anyone that doesn't follow thru on your thought process is just wasting their time apparently.
If you want to have your own magic box to check by your name - go ahead. If it makes you feel better or more special to deny reality, more power to ya.
Sonic_Spork, I wish I could rep you again. You have a talent for explaining confusing concepts in straightforward ways. I also would have been annoyed with my poly friends for posting a clickbait article like that. It seems like every group (majority and minority alike) always has to have those individuals who feel like everyone should be like them. It's not enough to just be who they are. I do agree that most, if not all, of the discussed identities will probably always be in the minority, even if widely accepted.
If that is the case, then your logic has gone off the rails. I mean... WOW... Reality has no meaning.
There is no way to have an intelligent conversation with someone on this topic if that is the premise...
Nothing else to say. Anyone that doesn't follow thru on your thought process is just wasting their time apparently.
If you want to have your own magic box to check by your name - go ahead. If it makes you feel better or more special to deny reality, more power to ya.
Wow. So, being attracted to women automatically makes you heterosexual? Even though I am, and I'm a woman.
I never said I was a guy. And idk why I keep telling people this, but the subject of the thread is whether demisexuality is common, for anyone, straight, gay, what-have-you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck
If it is a guy and girl.. yes.
Nope.
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