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I'm creating two threads with two separate but interconnected problems, seeking advice from you guys. I know the Relationships board can be cutthroat, but I'm at a loss on a couple things, so I want all feedback. I'll provide general outlines of the issue I'm in, and be more specific if more specific questions arise...
To this one:
Last Thursday I went out with my significant other's friend, without my girlfriend knowing. We went to a sports bar, just had some snacks and talked for two hours about many topics...
We left separately, and texting afterwards, I did ask her if she wanted to get a room the next night, to which she politely declined. We texted for several days after that...
Two days ago my girlfriend found out about our hangout. It is unclear as to how she found out, but the friend didn't reveal that I tried to sleep with her. In the subsequent conversations, I called off our relationship...
Note: I was wrong for what I said/did. That was some true douchiness, one of many in this relationship. I am not deferring guilt...
There are a ton of moving parts to this story, some of which will be seen in the adjoining but connected thread. For this particular topic, there is a sexual and intellectual tension between the friend and I. Admittedly, I'm not sure if the attraction is equal on the part of the friend. She's been very careful with her words, but the attraction is there. I'm also not entirely sure of my attraction level and consider that it may be a symptom of lust from being in a long, stale, and ultimately dead end relationship. And that that has heightened an attraction to the friend that otherwise is not there...
My ex and I have been together 3 years. We have a 21-month old and a 3-week old, both girls. We live in a separate state from the friend. About 2-2.5 years ago the friend made a comment about me, to my girlfriend, that raised suspicion with my girlfriend. The friend and I have only met maybe three or four times prior, and there was always this energy, but nothing overt. Like I said, there are a lot of moving parts...
For the record, I'm 29 and the two women in question (my ex and her best friend) are 25...
Has anybody had a relationship with the friend of someone they were with? What caused it, what ended it, and what advice can you give on how I should approach the situation?
I'm creating two threads with two separate but interconnected problems, seeking advice from you guys. I know the Relationships board can be cutthroat, but I'm at a loss on a couple things, so I want all feedback. I'll provide general outlines of the issue I'm in, and be more specific if more specific questions arise...
To this one:
Last Thursday I went out with my significant other's friend, without my girlfriend knowing. We went to a sports bar, just had some snacks and talked for two hours about many topics...
We left separately, and texting afterwards, I did ask her if she wanted to get a room the next night, to which she politely declined. We texted for several days after that...
Two days ago my girlfriend found out about our hangout. It is unclear as to how she found out, but the friend didn't reveal that I tried to sleep with her. In the subsequent conversations, I called off our relationship...
Note: I was wrong for what I said/did. That was some true douchiness, one of many in this relationship. I am not deferring guilt...
There are a ton of moving parts to this story, some of which will be seen in the adjoining but connected thread. For this particular topic, there is a sexual and intellectual tension between the friend and I. Admittedly, I'm not sure if the attraction is equal on the part of the friend. She's been very careful with her words, but the attraction is there. I'm also not entirely sure of my attraction level and consider that it may be a symptom of lust from being in a long, stale, and ultimately dead end relationship. And that that has heightened an attraction to the friend that otherwise is not there...
My ex and I have been together 3 years. We have a 21-month old and a 3-week old, both girls. We live in a separate state from the friend. About 2-2.5 years ago the friend made a comment about me, to my girlfriend, that raised suspicion with my girlfriend. The friend and I have only met maybe three or four times prior, and there was always this energy, but nothing overt. Like I said, there are a lot of moving parts...
For the record, I'm 29 and the two women in question (my ex and her best friend) are 25...
Has anybody had a relationship with the friend of someone they were with? What caused it, what ended it, and what advice can you give on how I should approach the situation?
It doesn't matter how many "moving parts" there are in this story, the bottom line is that you have a 3-WEEK OLD BABY and you were out trying to hook up with your babymama's friend.
I don't know about cutthroat, but it sounds like you do need a little cold water in your face.
Has anybody had a relationship with the friend of someone they were with? What caused it, what ended it, and what advice can you give on how I should approach the situation?
You don't approach it. Lose her contact information and you pretend the friend doesn't exist.
You be a good father to your children. You make every effort to co-parent civilly with your ex.
I'm creating two threads with two separate but interconnected problems, seeking advice from you guys. I know the Relationships board can be cutthroat, but I'm at a loss on a couple things, so I want all feedback. I'll provide general outlines of the issue I'm in, and be more specific if more specific questions arise...
To this one:
Last Thursday I went out with my significant other's friend, without my girlfriend knowing. We went to a sports bar, just had some snacks and talked for two hours about many topics...
We left separately, and texting afterwards, I did ask her if she wanted to get a room the next night, to which she politely declined. We texted for several days after that...
Two days ago my girlfriend found out about our hangout. It is unclear as to how she found out, but the friend didn't reveal that I tried to sleep with her. In the subsequent conversations, I called off our relationship...
Note: I was wrong for what I said/did. That was some true douchiness, one of many in this relationship. I am not deferring guilt...
There are a ton of moving parts to this story, some of which will be seen in the adjoining but connected thread. For this particular topic, there is a sexual and intellectual tension between the friend and I. Admittedly, I'm not sure if the attraction is equal on the part of the friend. She's been very careful with her words, but the attraction is there. I'm also not entirely sure of my attraction level and consider that it may be a symptom of lust from being in a long, stale, and ultimately dead end relationship. And that that has heightened an attraction to the friend that otherwise is not there...
My ex and I have been together 3 years. We have a 21-month old and a 3-week old, both girls. We live in a separate state from the friend. About 2-2.5 years ago the friend made a comment about me, to my girlfriend, that raised suspicion with my girlfriend. The friend and I have only met maybe three or four times prior, and there was always this energy, but nothing overt. Like I said, there are a lot of moving parts...
For the record, I'm 29 and the two women in question (my ex and her best friend) are 25...
Has anybody had a relationship with the friend of someone they were with? What caused it, what ended it, and what advice can you give on how I should approach the situation?
My advice. You appear to lack a well-developed and healthy conscience. You are self-absorbed, self-centered and selfish. You place yourself and your desires and your needs above everyone, even above your own children/babies. You need to seek some help from a professional.
You are a cheater, which means, you will lie to, deceive, betray and damage other people (even your own children) to get what you want, perhaps at any cost. Are you proud of that?
Okay, so provide some clarity on what you mean by "grow up"...
We have no sexual relationship, I forfeited sexual activity with her nearly a year ago. I chose to focus on other things I love and/or enjoy about her, thinking those could help save our relationship...
I believe we had sex three times during her pregnancy? All attempts to build something there. Didn't work. I don't even recall when we had sex to get her pregnant this go round; I was in New England on work assignment when I got the unexpected news...
I'm sure I have some growing up to do, but I need clarity in that thought. We have a 3-week old but virtually no intimacy...
It was wrong to still be in a relationship and go after the friend. Some of you guys can keep your morals in your closets, though; I'm sure we've all done things that many other people would find objectionable. I'm not in denial at my selfishness and some of the uglier parts of my personality...
My advice. You appear to lack a well-developed and healthy conscience. You are self-absorbed, self-centered and selfish. You place yourself and your desires and your needs above everyone, even above your own children/babies. You need to seek some help from a professional.
You are a cheater, which means, you will lie to, deceive, betray and damage other people (even your own children) to get what you want, perhaps at any cost. Are you proud of that?
To your first paragraph, I do want to change those characteristics about myself...
To your second paragraph, I don't extrapolate my relationship with her to my children, and I think its disingenuous for you to assume such. Though I truly don't believe that about myself, you've already made me stop to consider the possibilities of how my behaviors in dating could damage my girls. I am willing to do anything at all costs to avoid that...
Okay, so provide some clarity on what you mean by "grow up"...
We have no sexual relationship, I forfeited sexual activity with her nearly a year ago. I chose to focus on other things I love and/or enjoy about her, thinking those could help save our relationship...
I believe we had sex three times during her pregnancy? All attempts to build something there. Didn't work. I don't even recall when we had sex to get her pregnant this go round; I was in New England on work assignment when I got the unexpected news...
I'm sure I have some growing up to do, but I need clarity in that thought. We have a 3-week old but virtually no intimacy...
It was wrong to still be in a relationship and go after the friend. Some of you guys can keep your morals in your closets, though; I'm sure we've all done things that many other people would find objectionable. I'm not in denial at my selfishness and some of the uglier parts of my personality...
In the order of bolded:
1. I do not believe you had "sex" with your GF in "attempts to build something there," You did it to have an orgasm and get YOUR own needs met. (See above where you prattle on about how YOUR sexual needs are not met; that's a different need than a need for intimacy.) Your words and actions scream of selfishness and "me, me, me." You did not and are not doing the mother of your children any favors.
2. You say you do not understand and need "clarity" re what other posters mean when they give you the sage advice to "grow up." That's self-serving and disingenuous nonsense. You full-well know what they mean; you just don't want to do it. Take responsibility for your choices and actions and your life. You are playing the "victim card" here and blaming everyone else for the bad and harmful choices you have made. Take responsibility.
Life is not all about YOU, particularly in your case. Why? You chose to bring two little precious lives into yours, i.e., your two precious daughters, and promptly disregarded what is best for them and gave no thought to how your selfishness and disgusting behaviors would affect them. They are an afterthought to you--SHAME ON YOU. Grow up!
3. Yes, you were wrong, but you did it anyway because you place your own desires, needs and life above all others, even your children. That's what selfish people do.
4. You said in your original post you "wanted all feedback," and when you got "feedback" that did not fit or comply with your disgusting agenda, you said, "Some of you guys can keep your morals in your closets." Son, you need our "morals" to substitute your own right now because you are destroying your life and the lives of your children and GF. You should be thankful that someone cares enough about you to tell you to stop and help guide you.
A parent is not just a sperm or egg donor. IMO, the people who get the well-earned and honorable label of "parent" have sacrificed and will sacrifice their personal desires and needs for the sake of their children. They place their children above themselves. That's what decent, good and honorable people do when the choose to bring a live into this world. You are not acting like a parent. You are acting like an immature, self-centered and selfish person. Stop it.
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