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Mass suicide, problem solved? Some posts in this thread reek of empathy.
I never said I have any solutions that will make much of a dent in the problem.
Somebody on another website speculated that the best singles aren't dropping off the market very early like they used to and their presence is inflating standards to the point of false hopes. Yes, no, maybe? I have no idea what it was like decades ago, though I know the age of first marriage has been gradually increasing since maybe the 60's.
It's not about lack of empathy. People are responding the way they are because you're telling a whole section of people they are not healthy, because you say so. It's the equivalent of a religious extremist telling someone they're going to hell because they don't believe in God. Not having sex by no means indicates anyone's mental/physical health or status. You are in no place to judge that. You also keep stating your opinions as facts, when they are not. You are not having a conversation, you're projecting onto a group of people you don't know.
You don't know what the future holds. Neither do we. The world is going to go how it wants to go. If you're so worried about people not having mindless sex and making babies, why don't you go out and do it? That's why people have a problem with your statements.
It's not about lack of empathy. People are responding the way they are because you're telling a whole section of people they are not healthy, because you say so. It's the equivalent of a religious extremist telling someone they're going to hell because they don't believe in God. Not having sex by no means indicates anyone's mental/physical health or status. You are in no place to judge that. You also keep stating your opinions as facts, when they are not. You are not having a conversation, you're projecting onto a group of people you don't know.
You don't know what the future holds. Neither do we. The world is going to go how it wants to go. If you're so worried about people not having mindless sex and making babies, why don't you go out and do it? That's why people have a problem with your statements.
And I'm someone who thinks casual sex is socially toxic and likes the phrase "breeder."
It's not just people taking it personally. Some people have theirs and don't care that many others have basically nothing. As for the people taking it personally, bottom line is going years in adulthood without sex or a relationship usually goes along with subpar mental or physical health. (No, I don't have proof of that to present, but I think it's widely believed to be true and I've seen no contradictory evidence.) It doesn't make them bad people, but it is what it is. It's like the threads by new members where they claim to be fine perpetually going without, and replies call out the likely self-deception. But with it a near-epidemic, it follows that many affected people would tell themselves they're okay when they're not really; humans can get used to unnatural, troublesome circumstances, especially if they have substances or activities that numb the pain.
And I'm someone who thinks casual sex is socially toxic and likes the phrase "breeder."
It's not just people taking it personally. Some people have theirs and don't care that many others have basically nothing. As for the people taking it personally, bottom line is going years in adulthood without sex or a relationship usually goes along with subpar mental or physical health. (No, I don't have proof of that to present, but I think it's widely believed to be true and I've seen no contradictory evidence.) It doesn't make them bad people, but it is what it is. It's like the threads by new members where they claim to be fine perpetually going without, and replies call out the likely self-deception. But with it a near-epidemic, it follows that many affected people would tell themselves they're okay when they're not really; humans can get used to unnatural, troublesome circumstances, especially if they have substances or activities that numb the pain.
Some think this is a problem. Other don't. We'll just agree to disagree, then.
Mass suicide, problem solved? Some posts in this thread reek of empathy.
I never said I have any solutions that will make much of a dent in the problem.
Somebody on another website speculated that the best singles aren't dropping off the market very early like they used to and their presence is inflating standards to the point of false hopes. Yes, no, maybe? I have no idea what it was like decades ago, though I know the age of first marriage has been gradually increasing since maybe the 60's.
Not only are you trying to convince people here that this is “an epidemic”, you’re spending additional time and energy elsewhere trying to get confirmation, collecting “data” aka heresay, or opinion, that there is a big problem. You are the one who’s having a problem. What are you doing about it? This? This is your means of “numbing the pain”? Distracting yourself by fact gathering, trying to find a way that the source for this negative in your life can be attributed to something or someone(s) other than you?
Others who you accuse of not having empathy may not be in pain, what they are doing is having different priorities in life than you. What they are doing is interesting to them. There is no pain they are trying to numb, there is a gravitation to events that aren’t means and activities of obtaining a life partner. They are instead doing other things that bring as much satisfaction. They are cultivating friendships, working on careers, engaged in a cause having nothing to do with personal romance.
Do you have empathy for me? I spent most of yesterday rearranging my furniture, with the perfect area rug I had just seen last weekend in mind. I get to Home Goods, it’s Black Friday, the crowds are obnoxious, long lines, and my rug is no longer there!
Could I have been preparing for a date? Could I have returned a message? Could I have made “the first move”? Yeah, but I don’t care about that as much as having a pleasing environment to come home to after a stressful day at a job I love during the week. I’ve put more effort into my career than love life, I need that to be satisfied with myself, and it molds my way of life, the ability to support myself every day. I don’t put that kind of faith and importance on a partner. It doesn’t work.
When dating was very important, I put more effort into my appearance, “getting fit” as you suggested, self help books, engaging in social situations that used to make me uncomfortable. Yeah you’re right, “I got mine” and was not worried for those that spend all their effort on lamenting and confirmation bias that it’s a tough world out there.
Again, what are you doing about your problem? No one can change any of this for you, accept for you.
This thread isn't supposed to be about me or anyone else. City-Data has a nasty habit of trying to turn threads into that. Didn't it occur to anyone that I read about the study on other sites I regularly browse? That includes the point about people delaying marriage. It's not like this subject is the only thing I think about. I've barely glanced at other discussions about it. Plus, this is a discussion site. I'm here to have interesting back-and-forth, and the topic is relevant to the community.
To turn back to the topic, his or her non-CD point brings me to the illusion of endless choices online and how, whether or not the cream of the crop is no longer first off the singles market, online dating makes cheating and fraud easier, such that alluring people on it often are catfish or in relationships but looking for side action. False hopes doubly so. I suppose if online dating sites can and want to crack down on those bad actors, it will slightly move the needle back toward more people entering relationships. In part by reducing fear of using online dating to begin with.
Also, there's something I've heard about an online dating wasteland for people under maybe 25, except for the harsh Tinder. I don't think that's a recent change, but it's likely a reason for so many young people on the sidelines.
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Last edited by goodheathen; 11-24-2018 at 02:56 PM..
It's not about lack of empathy. People are responding the way they are because you're telling a whole section of people they are not healthy, because you say so. It's the equivalent of a religious extremist telling someone they're going to hell because they don't believe in God. Not having sex by no means indicates anyone's mental/physical health or status. You are in no place to judge that. You also keep stating your opinions as facts, when they are not. You are not having a conversation, you're projecting onto a group of people you don't know.
You don't know what the future holds. Neither do we. The world is going to go how it wants to go. If you're so worried about people not having mindless sex and making babies, why don't you go out and do it? That's why people have a problem with your statements.
I read this article the other day. I think it is accurate. For example, my friend is busy working on her November novel. She wants to write a sex scene and jokes about it has been so long she has no inspiration (she isn’t dating anyone and hasn’t found any winners for awhile.)
Its not lack of desire, but lack of options. Or different priorities.
Finding someone you mesh with can feel futile so people develop other aspects of their lives.
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