Less sex in relationships and fewer relationships (marrying, divorced, reason)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen
Another reply that rants at me, like I've done anything to anyone here.
I didn't say men with no good qualities deserve much of anything and there are more fundamentally unimpressive men than otherwise, but I think most people deserve a little chance with others on about their level and that doesn't seem to happen as much anymore.
As the longer article suggested, I don't think as many people understand what goes into quality relationships. It's not hugely about sexual attraction and fun, though those things matter, especially early on. Relating to each other, mutual understanding, appreciation, and support, mutual interests and life goals, freely being themselves, etc. I think many people never find that, and how they filter out is part of the problem.
So much text. The points could've been made in a few paragraphs. As a matter of fact, "Appearance is even more of a factor on dating sites," despite the premise until recently that it's about substance and its past value to substance-oriented people, which I think explains some of the bitterness.
Negative, ghost rider.
Quote:
It brings out the superficiality in people who don't even play that game offline. Maybe not Tinder-level, but let's say ignoring all men who aren't slightly above-average in looks. The barely average and below get virtually no swipes and few replies, according to studies, albeit that might be just the under-40 set. I don't presume that after the initial filtering, those women all pick similarly.
Translation: "I don't actually have a legitimate rebuttal, so I'm going to talk in circles, make baseless claims, and continue wallowing in my bitter feels and wholly biased and short-sighted narrative."
I'm not sure that I disagreed with the semantics of what he said there, but I question whether he is able to think about it from the other side of the equation, or how it plays in actual reality.
At least not in the manner that people who have had many various sorts of sexual and romantic connections throughout life, would understand it.
When the real compatibility stuff is very important, one does not so easily take a gamble on a risky investment. It's like...dude applied for a loan and got turned down, insisted the bank was filtering him on superficial criteria, and made a fuss. The bank explained that his credit score simply wasn't good enough and he insists that should not matter. That does not, after all, mean FOR SURE that he would default!
Sometimes it's all about the best information one has before committing to the risk, being what one uses to make a decision. If you're getting turned down again and again, if women are preferring to remain alone than to partner with you, either there's some important information they are getting from your end, and likely it's something you are blind to...or else, if you just cannot be arsed to figure it out or improve your score, you're applying for loans at the wrong bank and need to go see the payday lender instead. If you are all that desperate, at least.
The bank has lots of experience in making credit decisions. Their choices are based on legit things. And even if they weren't, you aren't going to make them change policy by complaining about how "shut out" 20% of applicants are feeling, and how unfair it is.
Another reply that rants at me, like I've done anything to anyone here.
I didn't say men with no good qualities deserve much of anything and there are more fundamentally unimpressive men than otherwise, but I think most people deserve a little chance with others on about their level and that doesn't seem to happen as much anymore.
As the longer article suggested, I don't think as many people understand what goes into quality relationships. It's not hugely about sexual attraction and fun, though those things matter, especially early on. Relating to each other, mutual understanding, appreciation, and support, mutual interests and life goals, freely being themselves, etc. I think many people never find that, and how they filter out is part of the problem.
It can be about all of these things and guess what, my approach to screening and filtering is what led to the kind of relationship I wanted. I even rejected very handsome guys and tons of "Chads" in favor of average guys who were my type.
Let's remember here that everyone has their own idea of fun and what all of these traits and characteristics translate to in an actual relationship. How all of it comes together and functions on a day to day basis.
... Patently untrue. The most prolific player I've ever met has a "dadbod." He also has a very charismatic demeanor, knows his target demographic and plays them with skill, and has mastered the conversational technique of your average therapist, which is to keep the subject talking. If you are a man who is seeking women, unless you are truly hideous, like black and brown teeth, bad smelling, hunchback, disfigured awful hideous, if you are reasonably normal looking, there are ways to cultivate a demeanor that will appeal to someone. Or many someones. No, it's not "just be yourself" if yourself is blah you need to make yourself not blah. Be your best self. Learn things. Master a talent of some kind. Be interesting. Do stuff. If you can't score points in column A, then work on columns B, C, and D. Women DO care about that stuff.
I can see that.
I am 59 and I guess I have a 'dadbob'. My BMI is 28, so just below the criteria for 'obesity'.
Last week I went to a party that I saw advertised on Facebook. When I arrived I did not know anyone at this party.
A 30yo girl with purple hair and a nose ring started talking to me. It seemed that she really liked me. After 30-minutes talking to her it was obvious that if I were single, I could easily see where she would have come home with me.
I breed pigs and I routinely install nose rings on my boars. As I was looking at this girl's nose ring, I kept wondering if a nose ring works the same on a girl as it does on a 1,000-pound boar.
There were a few, yes. But it wasn't "an option" in the way the poster I quoted described - i.e., anybody might just up and do it. It wasn't open, there was a lot of shame involved, I doubt most admitted it ("oh, we met up on a cruise," etc.).
Your category, male-dominated and apparently with its own quirks (not that there's anything wrong with quirks), would not have been representative of the 80s in general.
If you know "a few" people who mail-ordered brides in what, 50 years of life? Longer? - then you're confirming that from your POV, it was comparatively very, very, very, very rare.
Okay.
My PCP is a female MD from Eastern Europe, she was a mail-order bride.
My PCP is a female MD from Eastern Europe, she was a mail-order bride.
I get in theory the appeal behind the idea of mail order brides but I keep telling guys, I would not trust that, not for a minute. I mean how can guys talk about fear of divorce yet be ok bringing a woman here from another country like that. Really high odds she just wants to get to America and if she absorbs a little of the culture, gets her citizenship, and profits off your back getting an education and a career, if she thinks she can be happier without ya, she will hare off to make that happen. And get you for half of what you're worth.
The only thing that would prevent that is being the best possible option for her, or in other words...love. But if you struggle to get a love match going with a woman you can possibly meet up with, without airfare, what are the odds that's going to magically happen?
I am not saying it isn't a thing, I'm not even taking umbrage at men wanting a foreign bride, I'm just saying it feels like such a risk of getting scammed hard (long or short term), that I can't imagine doing it. Y'know?
So...IOW, this argument had nothing to do with the 80s and mail order brides?
Why...did you bring it up, then?
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