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Being unusual in her relationship with her kids, would also be a concern for being unusual in her relationship with him, IMHO.
Few women don't bond with their children. Those who don't, are a concern if you're looking for a long term relationship IMHO.
Why are you assuming she has no bond with her children—that is a huge leap of an assumption. Really. It is possible that she has no bond, but to say so simply on the basis that she moved rather than the dad moved is a huge double standard. Any man who lives in the same situation is assumed to have no bond with his children?
My take: it is hard out there for dating mothers. If your kids live with you, a lot of men don't want to date you. If your kids live with their father (possibly for valid but not alarming reasons), men are suspicious of you.
If you're having fun and want to continue dating her, just treat it as something about her to be aware of and learn more about. Maybe there's a problem, and if there is it will certainly reveal itself. Or maybe staying in the father's big house in the right school district is just better for the kids, at their ages, and she sees them more often than she's letting on (because she doesn't want to scare you off).
Mod cut.
On second thought, maybe you should cut her loose. One of you can do better.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-14-2018 at 10:18 PM..
Reason: Orphaned (reply to post which has been deleted).
No articles, research, data or polls EVER say "everybody fits this mold"
If you feel that woman is flawed because of your own beliefs and prejudices , then stop seeing her and let somebody that is interested in her for who she is (Whatever that might be)take your place.
If she knew how you were prejudging her, she'd probably be happy to tell you to kiss her nice big butt and see you go.
I think there's a difference here, between "holding a woman to a higher standard" and saying "is this normal behavior for a mother". Saying that men do this more frequently and it's generally more accepted is just acknowledging that in general, the father bond isn't as unbreakable as the mother bond.
Like, comparing cats and dogs. If someone said their dog rarely acknowledges them, and doesn't bother to greet them - ever - when they walk through the door, that's not normal. If a cat did it, well, that's pretty typical.
You're not holding a dog to a higher standard - rather, a different standard than a cat.
A mother who leaves her children behind for no clear reason is a concern. There are likely other disconnects she has that will be odd in a relationship.
Teen-agers not wanting to change schools and towns is not a clear reason?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,206,912 times
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Mod cut.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
No articles, research, data or polls EVER say "everybody fits this mold"
If you feel that woman is flawed because of your own beliefs and prejudices , then stop seeing her and let somebody that is interested in her for who she is (Whatever that might be)take your place.
If she knew how you were prejudging her, she'd probably be happy to tell you to kiss her nice big butt and see you go.
Precisely this.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-14-2018 at 10:20 PM..
Reason: Orphaned (reply to post which has been deleted).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,206,912 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
There is no objective way to measure a woman’s ability to bond. It is based on her answers to questions. Many women lie, and they might say they have a bond with their child even if they do not because they will feel like something is wrong with them otherwise.
They have found this quite a bit. There is great internal and societal pressure on women re motherhood, much more than men with fatherhood. There are more objective measures such as measuring hormonal fluctuations (oxytocin, etc), but the ones I've seen haven't really controlled for caregiving roll. If they're out there, I would love to read them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
She works an entry level job, which you can get anywhere.
Not really. Plenty of people move for things like entry level AA positions, or the like. There are lots of places in this country that are really damn destitute.
No, it's not a clear reason why she would leave the area.
It's a clear reason why they would stay there.
She works an entry level job, which you can get anywhere.
Not really. The OP said she had lived in a very rural area. I live in one myself, so I know that even a part-time minimum wage job is hard to come by, especially for someone who is unskilled and/or has no recent work history.
Now I know that if the roles where reversed, nobody would think anything of a man doing the same thing including myself, but I find myself questioning the legitimacy of her story. Does he have full custody? Did she cheat? Was she into drugs? She seems like a party girl a bit, which is fine, but not if that's why her kids are 3 hours away and she doesn't see them all that much.
Thoughts on this, and I would rather hear a female perspective to be honest.
You're the only one of us who's met this woman, and it sounds like you've discussed her situation and that you don't believe she's being truthful. Families come in all configurations, and people often do difficult things to make their childrens' lives easier. If you think this person is untrustworthy, then there you go.
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