Single woman who's kids live full time with the father.

[TattedCOdude]

My mom and dad divorced when I was a kid and we stayed w/ dad mostly because of school and for financial reasons. Mom was 30 miles away, and I saw her every couple weeks. There was nothing mentally wrong or anything that made her unfit as a mother; she simply agreed we should live w/ him. My opinion is yea, it's probly something you might want to figure out if you can do it with stealth and tact but there's not necessarily anything "wrong" with her.

[Fifty Seven]

Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.

It's true that more men become non custodial parents than women but you have to remember it often is not their choice. It's imposed on them by family courts. It's gotten better in recent years but it really depends what state you live in. Some states still start with the assumption that the father will be the non custodial parent and make the father prove that it ought to be otherwise.

[Masamune]

Mod cut.

It's true that more men become non custodial parents than women but you have to remember it often is not their choice. It's imposed on them by family courts. It's gotten better in recent years but it really depends what state you live in. Some states still start with the assumption that the father will be the non custodial parent and make the father prove that it ought to be otherwise.

Good point. We need to distinguish between men who walk, and men who are forcibly separated. Of those who do walk, some of them might do so because society has conditioned them to believe that they're naturally supposed to cede primary custody to the mother. If the mother doesn't have the professional skills to support herself and the kids financially, the father will have no alternative but to stay in the breadwinner role.

Mod cut.

I could point out something as basic as the fact that most dogs are bigger than cats ...

False analogy. The relative size of dogs and cats is much simpler and not susceptible to bias.

Getting back to the original post, I'd want to know more about the situation with the kids before letting the relationship progress. I just wouldn't look at it in terms of gender. If I had a new friendship with a man who had similar distance from his kids in a way that didn't make sense, I'd feel the same about letting the friendship progress.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by E-Twist

39 is a little old for someone to still be a party girl. You don't know her well enough yet to judge her character, particularly regarding her children. The children may have opted to stay with their father. Children don't like leaving their friends and their school as a general rule. Only seeing them once a month is a little questionable, but it takes months to really get to know a person. However, if you feel something is off go with your instincts.

Well, the OP has shifted his concern, now. It's not that the kids stayed with their dad, and their school, but that the mom didn't pick a job location closer to them. The goal posts are subtly shifting.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by spider99

Do we really need a study for this.
Look, women are the primary care providers and less likely to abandon or not bond with their children in all societies since the beginning of human civilization. To argue this, is to argue reality.

Not true. It's the tradition in some African societies, for the father to care for the children, if he and the mother split up. The reason for that custom is precisely so that the mother will be free to remarry (or re-couple), and have more kids. It's very sensible, especially considering the fact that the father is usually the one bringing in most or all of the support in modern times.

You seem to have already made up your mind, so one can't help wondering, why you asked for other people's opinions. I thought the woman gave you good reasons, and a good explanation overall, about her situation, and the factors that led to her decision. And a number of posters have provided first-hand experience of their own. But you seem to be fighting that. Maybe she only sees her kids once/month, because she doesn't want to deal with the dad, which she told you she didn't. Maybe over time, she'll participate more in their lives, after she gets over the stress of the marriage and divorce. Those are things only you can find out, since we don't know her.

[Runninglikethieves]

People are so quick to throw up ''Red Flags''. It's almost like people just look for ''Red Flags''.

Most of what people consider to be a red flag, I'd consider a yellow flag.

Yellow means caution, be on the lookout, but don't pull the fire alarm.

Why not just keep seeing her, tread with caution, try not to get too attached, get to know her a little bit better and just see how it goes? You're already looking at it like you gotta make a commitment on whether or not you're gonna spend your life with this woman. Slow down and just see where things go? This is a mistake a lot of people make. You got some people that are already imagining what their future children will look like as soon as they even get a date with someone, then you got others getting fearful that this might not be the person they spend the rest of their life with, so they feel they have to talk themselves out of having interest in a person.

Just slow down and see what happens, no?

[49ersfan27]

I would move on. Any parent that would give up their children that easily isn't worth a second look in my book.

[PJSaturn]

This thread turned into a mess of personal attacks, bickering and off-topic posts. It has been cleaned up and numerous posts have been deleted. The thread will remain closed.

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