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No feelings? How do you think your wife feels about that? Y'all are just going about a routine, not caring about each other, or does she actually care, and is hurt by your (obvious to her) relative indifference?
This is why it's a bad idea to get a spouse just because "everyone's doing it", and it's expected. Or because you're lonely, or can't face the prospect of going through your life alone, so you opt for a more or less generic place-holder. You are Exhibit A. If you'd had the guts to forge ahead alone, waiting for that special someone, you'd be just another of the many single 40-somethings that are quite common in some parts of the US (where are you from, OP?), quite a few of whom do find happiness in their 40's. But no, you had to give in to whatever societal or personal emotional pressure you felt, to be partnered, and now you're stuck.
Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but still.... What you did wasn't fair to your wife, was it? Nor was it fair to you, really. But what's done is done. This is a tough situation. I have no idea what the best way forward is. Counseling would be a good start; that was a good suggestion the other poster made.
My uncle after years of being single and alone in his late 40s, found a woman. She has been the best thing that has ever happened to him. He had never been married and a year ago they go married. They have now been together for close to 10 years, and while he had girlfriends in the past, none of them ever seemed that right for him so they rarely lasted more than a couple of years. But this one, when he found her, it's like they are two peas in a pod.
I wish people would learn to being able to be single and alone. How can anyone love you if you can't love spending time with yourself?
Yeah, you're being stupid partly because she has says she wants a new life. Doesn't mean that you're going to be part of it since , basically , after all this time and being inexperienced children at the time, which you no longer are. You're not even the same people(Well, maybe YOU are still that immature)
But, do your wife the favor of getting out of her life so she can hopefully find a much more sincere and loving partner than you before you eventually dump her and she's spent her entire youth on you
For me, I am on the verge of leaving everything behind for her. This is not a fantasy. I am very sure that she is my true love. I never had this kind of feelings to any girls. I married my wife only because I need one or I want one. Now facing the right one, should I pull the trigger regardless?
OR, I am just being stupid?
Ask yourself ONE question. What is it about her that you find attractive?
Is it her looks? "Chemistry"? Lust? Or is it something far more substantial?
Because it sounds a lot like lust, and that's a lousy reason to destroy a marriage.
I don't believe that you can "find your own happiness" by blowing up the lives of everyone within the blast radius of your decision.
short version:
high school classmate for a year, had a wonderful time, no physical contact, never held hands.
never mentioned anything about relationship because my best buddy loves her.
had her in my mind ever since, cannot get rid of her.
20 years later ........... never contacted each other and we both have an ok marriage and a successful career.
met her in Europe, spent 3 days together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
a month later, had a dinner together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
GOSH, we still have so much in common, even better than before.
Another month passed (last month), we are thousands of miles apart and finally realized our feelings about each other.
She is quite conservative. But, she is filing divorce with her husband. I have been trying to persuade her not to. Having told me that she had enough of her boring marriage, she wants to live her own life.
For me, I am on the verge of leaving everything behind for her. This is not a fantasy. I am very sure that she is my true love. I never had this kind of feelings to any girls. I married my wife only because I need one or I want one. Now facing the right one, should I pull the trigger regardless?
OR, I am just being stupid?
Leave your wife because it's not fair that she has been with someone for all these years(you) who never truly loved her as I'm sure she loved you.So leave your wife so she can find someone who really cares for her.One should never marry someone just because for anything.It should always be because you LOVED the person....which you clearly never did with your wife.So leave her so she can find someone who truly deserves her love because obviously you never cared for her the way she probably has cared for you.
Imagine how it would make her feel to know why you really married her... in your own words.."because I need one or I want one
What surprises me is you are all falling for this 3 post wonder. New poster, comes on with this stupid story as his first attempt at communicating? NOT
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