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He’s the one who approached me. I’ve been nothing but polite to him. I’m not a bad person just because I made a thread on an anonymous message board saying that I’m concerned about his career goals. Any smart woman would be. I didn’t go to college and make a good living for myself just so that I could end up supporting a man with unrealistic dreams. Maybe you’ll understand that when you become financially independent.
He’s the one who approached me. I’ve been nothing but polite to him. I’m not a bad person just because I made a thread on an anonymous message board saying that I’m concerned about his career goals. Any smart woman would be. I didn’t go to college and make a good living for myself just so that I could end up supporting a man with unrealistic dreams. Maybe you’ll understand that when you become financially independent.
Drop the condescension. You are no place to be. You're just proving he deserves someone better for him. You came here for opinions and you're getting them. Sorry you don't like it. I'm sure he approached you to get to know you, not because he felt you were a great match for him (you're obviously not.) You could've been ANYBODY he chose to approach. So saying he doesn't deserve better because he approached you is ridiculous. No one here said you are a bad person and no one said your concerns are invalid.
However, you shouldn't play games with him or "try to be friends" with him just because he's "cute." That's not cool. You KNOW what he wants, you KNOW you aren't a match, and you're trying to find some kind of way to wriggle out of it, but keep him on the hook. Just let it go and let him find someone else that will be completely invested in him. You know he's not what you want, so quite being selfish and wasting his time.
I recently started communicating with a man in his early 30s. He told me that he makes short films and he showed me some of them from his YouTube channel. He's an aspiring actor. However in the meantime, he makes very little money at his day job and lives with his parents. During our first conversation, the first words out of his mouth to me were that he is poor. This concerns me. I don't really require men that I date to make a certain amount of money, but I'm used to dating men who can at least afford to live on their own. Also, I happen to make a good amount of money at my job. I'm not rich, but I can't relate to people who have to worry about money since I don't. Also, I don't think he has a chance of ever making it as an actor. I would understand more if he had a normal career that just didn't pay much, but the fact that he has this unrealistic goal of becoming an actor is kind of crazy to me. But aside from that, I did enjoy our conversation, I think he sounds like an interesting person, and I do find him physically attractive. But as long as he's poor, I don't think that he is boyfriend material.
So I'm just wondering, should I go out with him anyway and try to get to know him even though I'd be hesitant to have a relationship with him because I would never want to be in the position of having to financially support a man? I feel like maybe we could be friends. Not sexual friends though because I wouldn't want to risk getting pregnant by a poor guy. But I'd let him kiss me, maybe. What do you think? Am I wasting my time here?
Getting pregnant by a poor guy.... you said his salary is less relevant but more his job/career choice that is.
If he was a delivery driver that would be fine but a failed actor is where you draw the line?
No one here said you are a bad person and no one said your concerns are invalid. However, you shouldn't play games with him or "try to be friends" with him just because he's "cute." That's not cool. He told you what he wanted and you're trying to find some kind of way to wriggle out of it, but keep him on the hook. Just let it go and let him find someone else that will be completely invested in him. You know he's not what you want, so quite being selfish and wasting his time.
I have no plans to lead him on in thinking that I want a relationship with him at this point, but I don’t see the problem in telling him that I’d be open to a friendship. If he doesn’t want that then of course he can move on. I feel like he has the potential to be a good friend. And if maybe he someday snaps out of this fantasy of becoming an actor and gets his life together, then who knows what else?
I have no plans to lead him on in thinking that I want a relationship with him at this point, but I don’t see the problem in telling him that I’d be open to a friendship. If he doesn’t want that then of course he can move on. I feel like he has the potential to be a good friend. And if maybe he someday snaps out of this fantasy of becoming an actor and gets his life together, then who knows what else?
Do you have the potential to be a good friend? You won’t support him in his aspirations, you think they’re unrealistic. You think he’s cute, is that the potential for friendship? I don’t get it.
Do you have the potential to be a good friend? You won’t support him in his aspirations you think they’re unrealistic. You think he’s cute, is that the potential for friendship? I don’t get it.
Exactly. OP, claims he's the unreasonable/unrealistic one, but she can't see she's being equally unreasonable/unrealistic. She's already trying to change him and they aren't even dating. She claims to be a grown woman with her own stuff, but her attitude towards this situation is like that of a horny school girl. This "friendship" she wants with him is calculated, not genuine. If the roles were reversed, I'm sure she'd be pissed a man thought of her the way she's posting about this guy in her OP.
Getting pregnant by a poor guy.... you said his salary is less relevant but more his job/career choice that is.
If he was a delivery driver that would be fine but a failed actor is where you draw the line?
Yes, it concerns me that he’s willing to quit real jobs just so that he’ll have the time to go on acting auditions. If he could just commit himself to a regular “boring” job, then at least he might have the potential to move up the career ladder. I don’t ever expect him to make as much money as I do, but I would like to see him commit himself to a real career.
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