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I don't know what she's doing when she's out and about. She says she's with friends or at work but I'm not so sure. How can I get it through to her that this is not ok?
Please define “late” and what time does she typically get off work? Does she have a job with tight deadlines that require late evenings?
It's your marriage otherwise a happy one?
Then you should be able to have conversation about that and ask her.
BTW: How often it happens? Are you ever invited to join? It's your wife doing other things without you?
DO YOU TRUST your wife? Obviously not - if you question her whereabouts...
My ex-husband used to hang out with "friends" after work. If I asked him about it, he would tell me it was none of my business, and he didn't have to tell me anything. He acted like I was the bad guy for wanting to know where my husband was.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit
My ex-husband used to hang out with "friends" after work. If I asked him about it, he would tell me it was none of my business, and he didn't have to tell me anything. He acted like I was the bad guy for wanting to know where my husband was.
Sometimes it's very late and sometimes it's about an hour after work.
What is the nature of your objection? Does she not tell you when she'll be home? Are things not getting done around the house? Are you not spending any quality time together?
Just based on your posting style here, I'm going to take a wild guess and say you don't communicate well with each other.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 02-01-2019 at 09:10 AM..
What is the nature of your objection? Does she not tell you when she'll be home? Are things not getting done around the house? Are you not spending any quality time together?
Well she doesn't even say when she'll be home. No she doesn't do much around the house it's mostly neglected and she only works part time. She works 10 miles away.
When something in your relationship makes you uncomfortable, aren't you supposed to at least tell your partner? That seems like a good way to avoid a bigger issue.
If you express your discomfort, or ask a specific question as the person you responded to did, is it really appropriate for the other person to just shut the conversation down? That seems dismissive and disrespectful. Double dis right there.
Two sides of this topic, which is really about concerns over possible infidelity. Based on no actual data at all, but still quite true;
90% of the people currently having affairs would have sworn 2 years ago that they'd never have an affair, that cheaters deserve their own special place in hell, and so on. Those people are now damned, I guess.
On the other side of the spectrum and equally true despite no data, which really just makes it more true;
90% of the people who would never question their committed partner about anything when that's an abstract proposition and who say that people who do deserve their own special place in hell, make with a long list of questions when the abstract becomes more tangible. Like the cheaters above, hopelessly damned by their own view of human frailty.
OP, I'm not sure that your wife is doing anything wrong. I actually doubt it, though your last post about her working PT and other things being neglected does sound a little sketchy.
So maybe approach her with all that "I" language. Like you saying "I" get a little uncomfortable when you stay out late unexpectedly, or when you stay out past X hour. "I" would probably feel better if you clued me in more about your schedule. Something like that.
OP, I'm not sure that your wife is doing anything wrong. I actually doubt it, though your last post about her working PT and other things being neglected does sound a little sketchy.
Yes that's the problem. I never thought for a moment that she was cheating. It's the house. It's messy and disorganized.
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