I am unable to love (single, family, advice, friend)
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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,599,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pete98146
This is excellent advice! I've never had an issue with loving myself but I did have an issue with immaturity and selfishness issues when I was in my 20s. It took me a long time to get over selfishness. My first marriage ended in divorce because of my selfishness. I'm now in my 50s and have matured. I'm remarried and I have a mindset that my entire life centers around making her happy. As a result, I'm much happier as well.
This is so wonderful! It's rare to find someone who feels their life is about loving & making the other person happy. I hope your wife does it for you too. That's real love.
I think your expectations are too high for a guy. Its hard to fall in love with people if we feel theyre all beneath us. And not to sound harsh, but you might want to take a good hard honest look at yourself and see if you're as great and pretty as everyone is hyping you up to be. We all have things that are imperfect about us, it's a journey to accept and love our own flaws. But you'll find the more honest you are about yourself the more real love and attraction you'll draw to your life. 23 is still so young, good luck girl! You have time to figure it out <3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maami
Hi !
I registered on this forum because I have a weird issue.
I am a 23 years old girl who can’t fall in love.
I have never been in love with anyone. I love my family, my pets, but when it comes to romantic relationships everything goes dark. I have alreday felt attachement, but never the romantic « LOVE » people are talking about. I would even tend to avoid it.
But I like beautiful things, I like to look pretty and take care of my appearance, I like it when people say I’m pretty and I think most people are beautiful and lovely. But I just can’t fall in love.
Is it because I haven’t found the « right one » yet ?
Some boys already tried to date me, but I was always reluctant. I'd say yes because I didn’t want to hurt them but in the end, they will grow tired of me being so cold and distant, or I will be the one hurting their feelings when rejecting to go further with them.
It’s terryfying to me to admit it but I hate when things get « physical ». On one hand, I will hug my niece so hard, drown my dog with all my love and kiss my little sister on the forhead everynight before bedtime, but holding hands with a romantic interest feels terribly uncomfortable. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
I always end up hurting people and hate myself about it. I tried once to go further with a guy I appreciated but I had nightmares every night before the date, or I couldn’t sleep because I was forcing myslef so much, but I still forced myself. But at the last moment I had a mental breakdown, and ran away crying like a scared dog.
I have so many questions. Am I unable to fall in love ? Do I have too high expectations ? Am I asexual ?
My friends think it’s because I have trust issues.
The thing is I don’t mind being alone, I actually like my freedom. But at the same time when friends talk to me about the activites they do with their boyfriends, it always put a smile on my face and it warms my heart. I tell myself "that sounds nice".
Should I just accept that I’m not made for love ?
OP, if this is really bothering you, I would suggest seeing a professional. There's only so much we can do for you here. My experiences are similar to yours minus disliking physical touch and being so stressed to the point of panic attacks. There are many reasons why you don't feel like you can love someone.
But the question is, do you want to love to experience it? Or do you want to love in order to appease other people?
Not everyone is meant to fall in love. In my opinion, the idea that we are all supposed to have some "happily ever after" one day is toxic and very untrue. Plenty of people never have romantic relationships, and that's okay.
Try not to worry about this. If you don't feel interested in romance, don't have romance in your life. I've taken a 3-year break from dating and sex, and it's been amazing. There's a lot of life that opens up to you when you're not distracted by romance all the time.
You're in a good position to have an amazing life. Be happy!
And if you ever do fall in love, that'll be great too. If not, you'll have an awesome life and you'll want for nothing.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,599,324 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
Not everyone is meant to fall in love. In my opinion, the idea that we are all supposed to have some "happily ever after" one day is toxic and very untrue. Plenty of people never have romantic relationships, and that's okay.
Try not to worry about this. If you don't feel interested in romance, don't have romance in your life. I've taken a 3-year break from dating and sex, and it's been amazing. There's a lot of life that opens up to you when you're not distracted by romance all the time.
You're in a good position to have an amazing life. Be happy!
And if you ever do fall in love, that'll be great too. If not, you'll have an awesome life and you'll want for nothing.
O.P. is not happy with it or she wouldn't post about it. I really think it means more about not being happy with her life than about love anyways.
O.P. is not happy with it or she wouldn't post about it. I really think it means more about not being happy with her life than about love anyways.
Yeah possibly. But I know I've gone through times where I struggled being happy single simply because I felt abnormal and people have been telling me my entire life that relationships are what we all need to be striving for.
Once I gave myself permission to go against the norm and be happy single, I no longer felt bad about it. So I just want to make sure OP understands that being single is okay.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,599,324 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
Yeah possibly. But I know I've gone through times where I struggled being happy single simply because I felt abnormal and people have been telling me my entire life that relationships are what we all need to be striving for.
Once I gave myself permission to go against the norm and be happy single, I no longer felt bad about it. So I just want to make sure OP understands that being single is okay.
I don't think romantic relationships have to be the way to go...but I think everyone needs some kind of friendships in this life.
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Be happy! 
