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Hi !
I registered on this forum because I have a weird issue.
I am a 23 years old girl who can’t fall in love.
I have never been in love with anyone. I love my family, my pets, but when it comes to romantic relationships everything goes dark. I have alreday felt attachement, but never the romantic « LOVE » people are talking about. I would even tend to avoid it.
But I like beautiful things, I like to look pretty and take care of my appearance, I like it when people say I’m pretty and I think most people are beautiful and lovely. But I just can’t fall in love.
Is it because I haven’t found the « right one » yet ?
Some boys already tried to date me, but I was always reluctant. I'd say yes because I didn’t want to hurt them but in the end, they will grow tired of me being so cold and distant, or I will be the one hurting their feelings when rejecting to go further with them.
It’s terryfying to me to admit it but I hate when things get « physical ». On one hand, I will hug my niece so hard, drown my dog with all my love and kiss my little sister on the forhead everynight before bedtime, but holding hands with a romantic interest feels terribly uncomfortable. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
I always end up hurting people and hate myself about it. I tried once to go further with a guy I appreciated but I had nightmares every night before the date, or I couldn’t sleep because I was forcing myslef so much, but I still forced myself. But at the last moment I had a mental breakdown, and ran away crying like a scared dog.
I have so many questions. Am I unable to fall in love ? Do I have too high expectations ? Am I asexual ?
My friends think it’s because I have trust issues.
The thing is I don’t mind being alone, I actually like my freedom. But at the same time when friends talk to me about the activites they do with their boyfriends, it always put a smile on my face and it warms my heart. I tell myself "that sounds nice".
Should I just accept that I’m not made for love ?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Asexual and aromantic are two different things. You may be aromantic but it is FAAAAAAAAAAAAR too early to say. You're young, and really falling in love (as opposed to infatuation or crushes) isn't that common a thing.
Does sound like there is something going on though. Crying and having a panic attack or breakdown before a first date? Well, that's very different than not falling in love. Sounds like something you might want to talk to a professional about.
It’s them it’s you. If you can’t be comfortable and truly love yourself you’ll never do the same for someone else.
My assumption is that it’s likely a maturation issue at this point.
But then again I find it almost it almost impossible to relate to anyone in their 20’s all the way up to mid 30’s anymore. Even my own sisters (significantly younger) are intolerable. The levels of self infatuation and lack of any meaningful substance make a conversation with them a non starter.
Asexual and aromantic are two different things. You may be aromantic but it is FAAAAAAAAAAAAR too early to say. You're young, and really falling in love (as opposed to infatuation or crushes) isn't that common a thing.
Does sound like there is something going on though. Crying and having a panic attack or breakdown before a first date? Well, that's very different than not falling in love. Sounds like something you might want to talk to a professional about.
It doesn't sound like she gets infatuations either. At a young age those are a big deal and make you feel crazy about someone. Most girls get them as teens or younger.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maami
Hi !
I registered on this forum because I have a weird issue.
I am a 23 years old girl who can’t fall in love.
I have never been in love with anyone. I love my family, my pets, but when it comes to romantic relationships everything goes dark. I have alreday felt attachement, but never the romantic « LOVE » people are talking about. I would even tend to avoid it.
But I like beautiful things, I like to look pretty and take care of my appearance, I like it when people say I’m pretty and I think most people are beautiful and lovely. But I just can’t fall in love.
Is it because I haven’t found the « right one » yet ?
Some boys already tried to date me, but I was always reluctant. I'd say yes because I didn’t want to hurt them but in the end, they will grow tired of me being so cold and distant, or I will be the one hurting their feelings when rejecting to go further with them.
It’s terryfying to me to admit it but I hate when things get « physical ». On one hand, I will hug my niece so hard, drown my dog with all my love and kiss my little sister on the forhead everynight before bedtime, but holding hands with a romantic interest feels terribly uncomfortable. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
I always end up hurting people and hate myself about it. I tried once to go further with a guy I appreciated but I had nightmares every night before the date
Should I just accept that I’m not made for love ?
Thank you for reading me, have a nice day !
M.
O.P...before you can find or accept love, you have to love yourself 1st. It doesn't sound like you do.
Being open to love or having loving thoughts about someone else is very much related to how you feel on the inside. You are only 23 but worry about building a life, a career, friends, interests....do things you love to do ...maybe your feelings will change, maybe they won't...but you will have built a positive independent life & that's what we all need. But building your own life should help you get into touch with loving feelings...& time may help you realize if there is something else here too...
Hi !
I registered on this forum because I have a weird issue.
I am a 23 years old girl who can’t fall in love.
I have never been in love with anyone. I love my family, my pets, but when it comes to romantic relationships everything goes dark.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
M.
There is nothing wrong with you. You actually can fall in love, will eventually and you are far more normal than you think.
Most people who fall in love easily, and over and over, are really just insecure and afraid of loneliness. They attach more as a survival mode than from true feelings of love. Then they eventually lose the temporary sense of security as they find weakness in their partner. They repeat the ritual over and over because they are seeking something missing from themselves. You on the other hand are more secure and self confident. This allows you to listen to the true feelings you have rather than the need for companionship.
True love comes from a deep and long term relationship where folks not only know each other well, but understand each other deeply. That's why you can love family. If you were really a sociopath and could not form normal feelings and compassions, your family would be tools not loved ones.
Trust me, if your story is 100% accurate, you will eventually find your true love and you will know it. Count your blessings for your inner security and pragmatism.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
OP, I wonder...were you perhaps molested as a child?
This is what I meant if something else here....but I was afraid to ask. No matter why you are having these feelings O.P....the really important thing is to work on the inside, becoming emotionally healthy & loving feelings will take over. It doesn't mean you will necessary find the right person but it does mean your heart can at least be open to it.
It’s them it’s you. If you can’t be comfortable and truly love yourself you’ll never do the same for someone else.
My assumption is that it’s likely a maturation issue at this point.
This is excellent advice! I've never had an issue with loving myself but I did have an issue with immaturity and selfishness issues when I was in my 20s. It took me a long time to get over selfishness. My first marriage ended in divorce because of my selfishness. I'm now in my 50s and have matured. I'm remarried and I have a mindset that my entire life centers around making her happy. As a result, I'm much happier as well.
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