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Spend the next 14-15 years trying and looking for a unicorn (i.e. a woman who doesn't care how much time and attention you spend with her) with no success, and then once the kid turns 18 and goes away, you'll be so used to living alone all those years, that you won't want to change and give up your time and space anyway.
Or, find a woman who is fine with spending little time with him and then when the kid gets older and he has more time, be disappointed that she has her own life and doesn't suddenly want to change it up and spend all of her time with him now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
What exactly do you want from a relationship with a woman? It stands to reason that some younger women still want to have children. It also stands to reason that some women want a LTR. What do you have to offer a woman?
If you find a woman who doesn't want kids, she might not want step-kids either.
Precisely. Some people don't want kids, full stop. Not kids of their own, not anyone else's kids, not full-time, not part-time, no kids in their life and their home. If you don't want to be a parent, it's not like you can avoid parenting just because they're not your kids-- whenever they're over, you have to deal with them and their problems and messes and attitudes, you'll probably have to take some sort of parenting role at some point, your money will probably go to them at some point (or his money that he could otherwise be contributing to your household will), they will take up his time, etc. You can't just ignore this kid just because you don't want to have anything to do with kids.
OP might luck out to find a woman who can't have kids, or who didn't and regrets it, or is fine being a part-time parent, but he's unlikely to do well with women who absolutely do not want kids/any sort of parenting duties.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad01
she might want to marry me later and this might deprive my kid of inheritance money/property etc, "falling in love" is dangerous business since it puts your child in a very vulnerable psoition if you are legally tied to a woman
And if you're married to their mother, this will also deprive the kid of inheritance money/property etc. Because you're still legally tied to a woman. Meanwhile, you might want to look into something called a "will." This lets you distribute your property however you please after your death. But you might also want to look into why you wouldn't want to leave anything to a woman whom you supposedly loved and who would there for you for years. Or why you would marry a woman you respect and trust so little.
What exactly do you want from a relationship with a woman? It stands to reason that some younger women still want to have children. It also stands to reason that some women want a LTR. What do you have to offer a woman?
If you find a woman who doesn't want kids, she might not want step-kids either.
monogamous LTR is fine and preferable as
1- im really scared of STDs
2- less time to waste going on first dates and courting
long as they do not expect me to propose and marry them as it will complicate inheritance and issues with future earnings and assests
but i do not expect her to
1-raise my kid , i got this one
2-take care of me , im very low maintainence and do not expect much
3-any financial help, infact im willing to split all responsibilities in a equitable way
4- no housekeeping needed, i have a very small place and now a maid comes weekly
problems i encounter is almost all women are not ok with staying just in monogamous LTR, they want either kids or marriage or both
OP might luck out to find a woman who can't have kids, or who didn't and regrets it, or is fine being a part-time parent, but he's unlikely to do well with women who absolutely do not want kids/any sort of parenting duties.
And if you're married to their mother, this will also deprive the kid of inheritance money/property etc. Because you're still legally tied to a woman. Meanwhile, you might want to look into something called a "will." This lets you distribute your property however you please after your death. But you might also want to look into why you wouldn't want to leave anything to a woman whom you supposedly loved and who would there for you for years. Or why you would marry a woman you respect and trust so little.
never was married to their mom
why should i leave anything to anyone other than my kid or my other blood relatives ? if a woman is there for me then i will be for her while im alive.
you guys are right I'm an ok dad but not be the ideal candidate for a husband by any means but i'm not looking for the perfect woman either, my ultimate source of happiness are my child , nephews and siblings.
Don't you have confidence in yourself in your judgement & the woman you would pick for yourself? Your first post....sounded like a normal man who was putting his kid first....which is very respectable. After this post tho....I see why you are single. Who would lie about wanting more kids? Some men think we all just can't wait to bear their children & would lie, cheat & steal just to do it.........Lol. We are all so desperate for stretch marks & changing diapers... Most of us are just as capable as most men to make a smart decision for ourselves with our partner whether to have kids or not.........
there is a thin line btw confidence and complacency , not trying to step over it
many women in their mid 30s who wasted their 20s on birth control are desperately looking for boring well established guys to breed with, you might not think like that but many do
Telling this dad he should flat out not be dating until his kids are 18 is absurd. If that is someone's choice not to date, so be it. Different strokes for different folks. But if he has a desire to date and find a partner, he deserves that to be a happier person! It can be done AND still have a healthy relationship with his kids.
To the OP.. since you have a good relationship with your ex, I think you could get more creative on a custody schedule if she will allow it. I'm a divorced dad. I have my kids with me 2 nights a week, and every other weekend. It's a great balance with seeing my kids a lot, and having my free time to be with my girlfriend. Weekends are important for dating. You will struggle with dating if you do not find a way to free up some weekend time without kids, I must say unfortunately.
thanks , glad it works well for you
my kid got spoiled early on and literally makes me feel guilty if we don't play every other day with his action figures or animals or go to the park.It is VERY hard to disappoint him I just dont have it in me.He even skipped water park with his grandparents to just hang out with me and play with his dinosaurs.I feel like these days will never come back so make the most of them.
i agree with you w/o weekends women usually think you have a wife on the side or worse
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad01
there is a thin line btw confidence and complacency , not trying to step over it
many women in their mid 30s who wasted their 20s on birth control are desperately looking for boring well established guys to breed with, you might not think like that but many do
I don't think most of us are looking for that.........it's not 1960 anymore........BUT...you should still have confidence in who YOU pick to date.....it's as if you are not trusting yourself ......
1- im really scared of STDs
2- less time to waste going on first dates and courting
long as they do not expect me to propose and marry them as it will complicate inheritance and issues with future earnings and assests
but i do not expect her to
1-raise my kid , i got this one
2-take care of me , im very low maintainence and do not expect much
3-any financial help, infact im willing to split all responsibilities in a equitable way
4- no housekeeping needed, i have a very small place and now a maid comes weekly
problems i encounter is almost all women are not ok with staying just in monogamous LTR, they want either kids or marriage or both
So you want a woman who will date you long term as long as she's ok with:
*ONLY seeing you on the days you don't have your son
*never getting married to you
*not having kids with you
*not interacting with your son, given that she won't see you when you have him
*not changing your domestic routine in any way
1- im really scared of STDs
2- less time to waste going on first dates and courting
long as they do not expect me to propose and marry them as it will complicate inheritance and issues with future earnings and assests
but i do not expect her to
1-raise my kid , i got this one
2-take care of me , im very low maintainence and do not expect much
3-any financial help, infact im willing to split all responsibilities in a equitable way
4- no housekeeping needed, i have a very small place and now a maid comes weekly
problems i encounter is almost all women are not ok with staying just in monogamous LTR, they want either kids or marriage or both
I can't imagine why you'd be encountering problems.
So you want a woman who will date you long term as long as she's ok with:
*ONLY seeing you on the days you don't have your son
*never getting married to you
*not having kids with you
*not interacting with your son, given that she won't see you when you have him
*not changing your domestic routine in any way
she can come hang out with us but i dont expect her to do anything for my kid
if she does thats great but not expected
can change my domestic routine as long as it does not affect my work or kid
rest yes i agree
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Most of us are just as capable as most men to make a smart decision for ourselves with our partner whether to have kids or not.........
