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I don't see any possible instance of "call/text when you get home" being as this controlling thing.
Some of my friends have done that and the unspoken feeling behind it was, "I care about you and I want you to know that I care about you." And if it were someone I just went on a first or second date with, the unspoken subtext I'd read into it would be, "I would like the chance to ping each other after this date...maybe say that we had a good time, perhaps mention when we might get together again." It seems like more of a way to continue to engage in contact, to me. Not so much that they are trying to control me, make sure I don't stop anywhere, or anything like that. It also, because I'm a woman, conveys that gentlemanly sentiment that he generally cares about my safety. It is a nice gesture. I don't read too much into it.
But when I've been with a partner for a while, and it's day in and day out that they expect to have knowledge of my every movement and where I am, who I'm with, when I'll be home... That's how a parent treats a 14 year old going out on their first dates and evening excursions with friends. I won't treat a partner that way and I won't be treated that way.
I'd truly rather be a single person, accountable to no one, than have someone monitoring me like that. Gives me the heebie jeebies.
People disappear. People have accidents. People lose their phones and don't know where it is.
There are innocent reasons to share location. Just saying. I know married people who share locations and none of them is controlling, jealous, or ever even checking up on the partner. It is just for safety reasons.
We are in contact enough that this isn’t a concern of ours. It would be completely out of character for her to suddenly start needed to know locations at all times and on demand.
I’m not off in unknown places everyday of my life or in need of a guardians protection. She wouldn’t be the first person I would contact in a moment of life or death and if I did need to involve her in some fashion I could just contact her myself.
For my wife to demand something like this, it would mean something is not right between us.
To be demanding welfare calls on top of the ability to track someone’s location IS controlling. It’s asking for someone’s free will to be neglected in favor of suiting your own sensibilities and insecurities.
We are in contact enough that this isn’t a concern of ours. It would be completely out of character for her to suddenly start needed to know locations at all times.
I’m not off in unknown places everyday of my life or in need of a guardian protection. She wouldn’t be the first person I would contact in a moment of life or death and if I did need to involve her in some fashion I could just contact her myself.
For my wife to demand something like this, it would mean something is not right between us.
DEMAND? That's never good.
Well, the people I know are off to unknown places or ride motorcycles in canyons where people actually disappear and maybe are found 30 years later.
I often go on trips alone and share my location with a trusted friend through whatsapp. In case I disappear or have an accident.
Well, the people I know are off to unknown places or ride motorcycles in canyons where people actually disappear and maybe are found 30 years later.
I often go on trips alone and share my location with a trusted friend through whatsapp. In case I disappear or have an accident.
Don’t get me wrong I can see the value in using it in this way and have in events like being in a unknown or foreign place where welfare is a concern. I do not see the value in this for everyday life where constant contact is already a preexisting factor.
Well, the people I know are off to unknown places or ride motorcycles in canyons where people actually disappear and maybe are found 30 years later.
I often go on trips alone and share my location with a trusted friend through whatsapp. In case I disappear or have an accident.
That is your choice and it's fine. It's when others pressure you to do it that it is a problem. OP's wife is nagging him apparently to be tracked 24/7. He doesn't want to.
That is your choice and it's fine. It's when others pressure you to do it that it is a problem. OP's wife is nagging him apparently to be tracked 24/7. He doesn't want to.
There is a difference between an innocent "let me know when you are home so I know you are safe" and "I want to check up on you whenever I please (and question you about it)."
OPs wife is unreasonable and if he gives into her demand, his life is gonna be hell.
She's very much a schedule oriented, organized person. I am not so much. I dislike short-term commitments (ie, committing to a time frame to be done with something. I'm done when its done.)
A trip to Home Depot isn’t a commitment. You should be able to leave for an hour of errands without having to report to HQ.
There is a difference between an innocent "let me know when you are home so I know you are safe" and "I want to check up on you whenever I please (and question you about it)."
OPs wife is unreasonable and if he gives into her demand, his life is gonna be hell.
Believe me, some people use the "home safe" call as an excuse and part of controlling behavior. Not all people, but some. That was and is not a norm in my culture (safe area) so anyone demanding it regularly would be strange. The tracking thing is off the charts weird to me.
I wanted to get your take on this. My wife and I periodically argue (not vehemently) about location sharing with the iPhone, and a few other things.
I'll preface this that while our marriage is far from perfect and we do have our challenges as a couple, concerns about infidelity or trust issues regarding dishonesty aren't among them. So it isn't as if one of us has a legitimate concern about the others conduct.
I asked my brother who has been married longer than I have and he said "Absolutely not. No one needs that information." I feel the same way. I didn't at first but a few random things about how she used it irritated me so I turned it off.
But my wife wants me to share my location. She has mostly mundane reasons for it, but in refusing to share it, you get to the topic of "why don't you want to share? That's shady that you'd want to conceal that from my wife."
You say there is trust but if she uses language like shady and concealment those don't jibe with trust. Maybe you need a real answer from her about her concerns. If it is just "nosy" that is an answer too, but not good reason. Is it maybe that she wants you on her schedule and could use the tracker to prod you to be where you are "supposed to be" at certain times? Maybe there could be some compromise where she wouldn't feel the need to be so aggressive wanting to know where you are all the time.
A trip to Home Depot isn’t a commitment. You should be able to leave for an hour of errands without having to report to HQ.
“HQ this is unit 1. I have acquired the nails and will be departing in approximately 2 minutes to the extraction vehicle” “Unit 1 this is HQ. we show your location is the pressure treated wood area of the facility, is everything ok? status update is required”
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