What does "giving someone a chance" mean to you? (dating, woman)
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I hear this ALL the time from my friends and family. Along with other unwarranted comments like "you're too picky" or "you're just stubborn," when the inevitable topic of relationships come up. As most of you know, I'm pretty content and set in my beliefs about this sort of thing, so this is a discussion question and I'm curious to see what you guys think. But I really wonder what this means to other people. When people say it to me, I think it's said with the assumption that attraction works the same for everyone.
This particularly comes up when people close to me, see me having a conversation with a guy. For example: If it seems the conversation is going great and we're laughing, my best friend will start smiling, nudge me and ask "Are ya'll going to get together?" out loud, being "playful." I tell her no, then she starts nagging me about how picky I am. Not realizing the expectation she is setting up. This just turns me off, which is so unfair to the guy because once I feel put on the spot like that, I kind of pull away because I don't want others trying to push us together. If that makes sense. Something so innocent is misconstrued as something more, which just irritates my soul lol.
I can have a conversation and laugh with just about anyone, so it's not enough for me to gauge whether I want to date the person or not. I like to wait for mutual attraction on both sides before I even consider that. It seems to my friends and family, if someone can make you laugh or is nice, you should give them a chance. That is not enough for me, because if I feel no attraction it'd feel like an act of desperation or pity. In my eyes at least. I also wouldn't want the foundation of a relationship to be built off of reluctance. Trying to explain this to the people I know, is like talking to a brick wall lol. They just don't get it.
I hope you guys can follow this. I was kind of all over the place with it and trying to keep it short. So back to my original question, What does giving someone a chance mean to you? Let's have a nice discussion.
Going out with someone who has no obvious dealbreakers or red flags for an introductory date or two. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, but at least you gave it a chance, and you probably got a few free meals out of it. Seems like you may have some qualms that start if you think people are trying to set you up. That could introduce anxieties into the mix that are clouding the attraction situation.
I’ve read plenty of stories of people who didn’t feel initial attraction for a date but developed it over time and ended up having a long relationship.
That said if you don’t want to go out with a guy, don’t go out with him, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.
That's a really good question. I guess to me, giving someone a chance is agreeing to be with or date someone that you usually would not date. They make you laugh, you enjoy their company, they are nice, but either you're not attracted to them or you're just not feeling a spark with them, and because they have all those other qualities, you may consider dating them or others may coerce you into dating them.
For some people dating this way has turned into a great relationship, but many times it has ended up hurting the person you gave the chance to, because you just couldn't get past that missing piece. That's why I much prefer to not give chances, and I wouldn't want a woman doing that to me either.
To me, in this context, it means setting aside your typical immediate reluctance, which may be unwarranted, and just seeing what happens with that person.
It's more about you and your own expectations than it is about the other person. Like saying, "Give yourself a chance to see what's possible."
I think...if you're not ADVERSE to future possible relationship..."giving someone a chance" means kind of going with the flow, and seeing where things take you.
But if you're definitely NOT looking for a potential relationship, than people should respect your boundaries and it only becomes annoying when others tell you to give someone a chance.
I don't know...I recently had to put my dog to sleep last Sunday. It's still freshly painful. IF a friend happened to see me petting some other dog and said "How about adopting it?" I'd have to say no. Assuming that every time I pet a dog means I should give it a chance...no. If someone kept insisting...I think it'd begin to annoy me.
I don't know...I recently had to put my dog to sleep last Sunday. It's still freshly painful. IF a friend happened to see me petting some other dog and said "How about adopting it?" I'd have to say no. Assuming that every time I pet a dog means I should give it a chance...no. If someone kept insisting...I think it'd begin to annoy me.
I’m sorry, losing a pet is awful, even if it’s the right decision for the doggy. But to me this analogy is different. That would be more like “You just got divorced? Then come go out with this guy friend of mine!” There’s a lot there that needs to be processed and put in place before you’re ready to try again. A lot different than “You’ve never had a pet before? Would you dogsit for me for a few days and see how it goes? You might like having a pup so much that you might get one of your own.”
I have never, ever, had someone "grow on me" and "eventually" warm up to a relationship with them.
If I don't "feel it" in the first 8 seconds of meeting f2f, a life of experience indicates I never will.
So any attempt to "give them a chance" will result in guilt on my end and disappointment (maybe) on the part of the woman. It's easier in the long run just to be blunt about it.
I hear this ALL the time from my friends and family. Along with other unwarranted comments like "you're too picky" or "you're just stubborn," when the inevitable topic of relationships come up. As most of you know, I'm pretty content and set in my beliefs about this sort of thing, so this is a discussion question and I'm curious to see what you guys think. But I really wonder what this means to other people. When people say it to me, I think it's said with the assumption that attraction works the same for everyone.
This particularly comes up when people close to me, see me having a conversation with a guy. For example: If it seems the conversation is going great and we're laughing, my best friend will start smiling, nudge me and ask "Are ya'll going to get together?" out loud, being "playful." I tell her no, then she starts nagging me about how picky I am. Not realizing the expectation she is setting up. This just turns me off, which is so unfair to the guy because once I feel put on the spot like that, I kind of pull away because I don't want others trying to push us together. If that makes sense. Something so innocent is misconstrued as something more, which just irritates my soul lol.
I can have a conversation and laugh with just about anyone, so it's not enough for me to gauge whether I want to date the person or not. I like to wait for mutual attraction on both sides before I even consider that. It seems to my friends and family, if someone can make you laugh or is nice, you should give them a chance. That is not enough for me, because if I feel no attraction it'd feel like an act of desperation or pity. In my eyes at least. I also wouldn't want the foundation of a relationship to be built off of reluctance. Trying to explain this to the people I know, is like talking to a brick wall lol. They just don't get it.
I hope you guys can follow this. I was kind of all over the place with it and trying to keep it short. So back to my original question, What does giving someone a chance mean to you? Let's have a nice discussion.
If this a one or two-off, I could understand. But if it's becoming more prevalent that people think you're being too picky and that you should give them a chance, then I can see their point of view.
For the record, I also have never had anyone "grow on me." But I have had friends who I had known for a while and one day, after a particular interaction, I began to see them differently. I allowed myself to consider something that maybe I hadn't allowed before. And it worked out. For a while.
You can't and won't always know in the first 10 seconds if you have chemistry with someone.
But the constant prompting from friends and family would get old real quick. That's more of a control issue, though, since they all have made a point to call you "picky," OP, and it immediately shuts you down.
They need to stop that mess. By doing that they are contributing to your reluctance as much as you are.
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