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Okay then if you're so confident in the relationship, then do your thing. Nothing left to say here. No one has asked how he treats you because you have not given us any indication that there is anything wrong. Like someone said before, no one is obligated to go all googly-eyed over your relationship because YOU think it's special. You are suppose to, not everyone else. So no one is going to have the same sensitivity. People seem to forget that when asking for advice. Like I said before, do your thing. You know what you're doing. Nothing left to say. You're not listening anyway. As woke as you think you are, you're still asleep.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
And, I gotta say that from the description -- what, at least a 15 year age difference or more? -- and the "no honey you don't need to pay rent, just be my girlfriend?" -- it sounds like a yellow flag to me. Like he wants to be a sugar daddy to a sweet young thing. Of course I don't know him obviously but that's the impression I am forming. If I was your sister I'd be like "whoa..."
I really think you should build your own world first -- otherwise if you move in now, your world will become his, as much as you try to argue that you're so "independent."
I already have my own world, I've been building it for almost *31* years. My sister has met him & loves him & loves how he treats me. All of my family & friends love him. But no one asks how he treats me or what the relationship is like....they just keep talking about money or assume he's my "sugar daddy". He doesn't need my money....that doesn't make him a bad guy. I should find a man who is drinking beer on the sofa....maybe then it would mean I was not "dependent" on him.
Friends at work tell me all the time if he wasn't serious or was being a player...he would have no reason to move me in. I know he's sincere.
Even if I paid rent...I could still have to leave if we broke up, Lol. Paying rent or not makes NO DIFFERENCE in guaranteeing what happens.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
Okay then if you're so confident in the relationship, then do your thing. Nothing left to say here. No one has asked how he treats you because you have not given us any indication that there is anything wrong. Like someone said before, no one is obligated to go all googly-eyed over your relationship because YOU think it's special. You are suppose to, not everyone else. So no one is going to have the same sensitivity. People seem to forget that when asking for advice. Like I said before, do your thing. You know what you're doing. Nothing left to say.
I *never* said anyone should be googly eyed over my relationship but it's normal that I am, as long as I am smart about it, which I am...
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
You're still getting overly defensive and not getting the point. People are saying you are too dependent on him emotionally right now. They're just advising that if you want to stay in the bay area, don't make him the only reason you want to live there. Talk to people, build solid friendships, engage in the community. You're in the honeymoon phase right now here everything is all kittens and rainbows, you've not seen each other's bad side. You're all caught up in the hormones and think love conquers all. Yes things may very well work out, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be reasonable and PREPARE. If you'd stop focusing on being so defensive you'd see that. Calm down, OP.
He is not the reason for my existence. I LOVE my job. I've made a lot of new friends & have had an old friend visit me too. I talk to people every day Lol.
If he didn't have money...would people be so full of comments about this? If he was unemployed and I had to pay the rent.......would that be better because it would mean I wasn't "dependent" on him? The thread isn't about his money....it's how soon is too soon for couples to move in together.
I already have my own world, I've been building it for almost *31* years.
Oh, OK. You SAID you just recently moved to the Bay Area, which means you haven't been THERE for 31 years. I didn't realize that in just a couple of months you were already involved in the community, with activities (outside of BF), activities, close friends OUTSIDE of your job, etc.
Sounds like you are eager to move in with him. Can I be so bold as to ask why you started a thread titled "How soon is too soon to move in together?" It appears that every answer that says "caution" generates a defensive response. Were you looking for validation that it's not too soon? Serious question, because that's what it seems like.
He is not the reason for my existence. I LOVE my job. I've made a lot of new friends & have had an old friend visit me too. I talk to people every day Lol.
If he didn't have money...would people be so full of comments about this? If he was unemployed and I had to pay the rent.......would that be better because it would mean I wasn't "dependent" on him? The thread isn't about his money....it's how soon is too soon for couples to move in together.
According to a great many posts on this thread, you'd never move in since he makes more than you do, you don't share expenses equally and it's his house.
He is not the reason for my existence. I LOVE my job. I've made a lot of new friends & have had an old friend visit me too. I talk to people every day Lol.
If he didn't have money...would people be so full of comments about this? If he was unemployed and I had to pay the rent.......would that be better because it would mean I wasn't "dependent" on him? The thread isn't about his money....it's how soon is too soon for couples to move in together.
Tasha....
Listen carefully, nobody is saying anything about you being a helpless pathetic little girl. The only person who has said anything like that is YOU. As much as you keep trying to deny it, what other posters have mentioned does factor in whether or not it's too soon to move in. You've only been there for 2 months. It takes a lot longer to build a solid social network than that. This guy has been there for years. If he was in your situation, we would say the exact same thing. He has the upper hand Why? Because he is more established, has a lot more connections, and more properly prepared should you two ever break up. IN THAT AREA. I'm going to post the part of wasel's post you conveniently ignored, for context. READ CAREFULLY and let it process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
However, here is an objective view of why that poster is right. You've only been in the Bay Area a couple of months. You admittedly spend most of your non-work time with him now. So it's hard to see how you are establishing your own independent life in the Bay Area other than financially.
You move in with him, you're in HIS house, HIS neighborhood, HIS world. You don't have a "world" yet, you are just getting started. You say you have friends...these must be work friends, right? Do you spend time with them? Are you getting involved in local activities separate from him? You have no "community" of your own, literally and figuratively.
A lot of us are saying what's the rush? My reasoning for saying it is that you really need to build your own world in the Bay Area before you join with his.
And, I gotta say that from the description -- what, at least a 15 year age difference or more? -- and the "no honey you don't need to pay rent, just be my girlfriend?" -- it sounds like a yellow flag to me. Like he wants to be a sugar daddy to a sweet young thing. Of course I don't know him obviously but that's the impression I am forming. If I was your sister I'd be like "whoa..."
The other thing is -- you THINK you are in love but every couple "thinks" they are in love at 3 months (I'm not counting the time you were long distance). Everyone wants to spend every minute together when it's new and exciting. You relationship doesn't sound all that unique.
I really think you should build your own world first -- otherwise if you move in now, your world will become his, as much as you try to argue that you're so "independent."
Deep down you know what we're saying makes sense, otherwise you wouldn't have asked this question in the first place.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
Oh, OK. You SAID you just recently moved to the Bay Area, which means you haven't been THERE for 31 years. I didn't realize that in just a couple of months you were already involved in the community, with activities (outside of BF), activities, close friends OUTSIDE of your job, etc.
Sounds like you are eager to move in with him. Can I be so bold as to ask why you started a thread titled "How soon is too soon to move in together?" It appears that every answer that says "caution" generates a defensive response. Were you looking for validation that it's not too soon? Serious question, because that's what it seems like.
I wish you well in your adventure.
We want to move in with each other......but if you read my posts, we also have doubts it may be "too soon" because neither of us is impulsive which is why I moved into my own apt & made the move on my own in the 1st place.
I have built a life for 31 yrs....just because it is in a new location now doesn't erase all of my friends & family in the past or knowing they are there to help me if I need it. I have a job & have made new friends....two in my building and many at work.
It is not the cautions that bother me ...it's the posts that say things like I'm "dependent" on him, which I'm not....because he is wealthy. I'm cautious too....it's why I started the thread. But a few particular posters keep on about me being "dependent" & I am not. If it didn't work....I leave & I'm no worse off than when I started. Matter of fact I'd be better off...because I would have been saving my money.
We gave it 9 months, that seemed enough for us. We both knew it was the real deal. We get married this September on our 8 year anniversary together so, eh, it worked for us. Not sure what timeline is ideal for most people.
Who cares? My GF was 17 when we started dating, I was 28, she has never paid for any household expenses and it hasn’t ever bothered me. I didn’t expect it. She’s now making good money, has a degree, and is a successful person. I don’t see what being independent has anything to do with moving in?
PS: Neither of us cared or care about the age difference, so any comments about that is a “cool story bro” response from me as it doesn’t matter to anything lol.
I said what I said because the OP stated that she is independent. I was commenting on her self assumption that she is independent.
PS: I wasn't going to say anything about age. It seems like its a bigger deal to you since you brought it up. That's your business.
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