1st Date: Women or Men pays for first date? (lover, kiss, friends)
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I’m so excited to be out, the guy is just a detail! I always get there first, so I can get to chat with the bartender and get his/her opinion, too.
I’m serious. I live on a block with like 10 or more cool bars and restaurants, a museum a couple of blocks away, but I have 2 favorites. The bartender was rolling his eyes behind one guy’s back, so after I walked him to his car I came back for a drink before I walked to my own place. (Why waste a great outfit?) I asked him what he thought. He said I’ve gone downhill. Also, the best match was the First Guy I brought in when I moved here last summer. I asked why he would remember that? He said: “You 2 were laughing the whole time, and he was imitating someone...I thought you were great together.”
It was my dad, he helped me move that day. 😉
Lmao!!
So... why aren't you with this bartender?
(What am I, writing a rom-com? lol)
So, the man-vs.-woman paying debate. I'd think you wouldn't invite someone on a date unless you somewhat knew them and liked them. If you like them, man or woman, invite them. You pay. If you like this person, hopefully they'll be the type of person who won't be squeezing you for money all the time. If it turns out that they are, I guess that just comes with the territory. Pay closer attention next time.
Hmmm... this country is so different with its obsession with restaurants and going out..
How about this.
Figure nice weather day and nice location. Can actually be very romantic, like some oriental garden, or nic epark, or shore line....
Take your date out for a walk in such place.
It's healthy.
it is not financially binding or showing that you are ready to ss money to her feet or that you are a cheapskate
Again, it can be very romantic
When people walk and enjoy scenery, they actually TALK, not dedicate there time to manners, ordering and consumption of nutrients.
And it's out of beaten path....
Also, it's an excellent way to check on your date.
In an hour or so of such date, you WILL know much more about your date, than in hour in any restaurant, regardless of its rank. Then, next date is either null, or THEN you can consider how to show value to person you asking for a 2nd date, by inviting to a certain level of eatery. Oh, maybe taking (her) to a helicopter flight or something.
Life is not about restaurants, really. There are much better ways to learn a person and ones that expect only that specific way - I'd be not dating them to start with.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass
Lmao!!
So... why aren't you with this bartender?
(What am I, writing a rom-com? lol)
So, the man-vs.-woman paying debate. I'd think you wouldn't invite someone on a date unless you somewhat knew them and liked them. If you like them, man or woman, invite them. You pay. If you like this person, hopefully they'll be the type of person who won't be squeezing you for money all the time. If it turns out that they are, I guess that just comes with the territory. Pay closer attention next time.
Isn’t the purpose of a date to see if you know them and like them? I may have an interest but the date is to actually see if there is anything there to like. My last two dates actually asked me out. According to your logic, I’d have a right to be miffed if they didn’t offer to pay. But we did separate checks for both, including one date who irritated the hell out of me in boredom.
Honestly, on the first date you are essentially strangers, pay for your own checks and go from there.
Isn’t the purpose of a date to see if you know them and like them? I may have an interest but the date is to actually see if there is anything there to like. My last two dates actually asked me out. According to your logic, I’d have a right to be miffed if they didn’t offer to pay. But we did separate checks for both, including one date who irritated the hell out of me in boredom.
Honestly, on the first date you are essentially strangers, pay for your own checks and go from there.
Well, I've never done online dating or blind dates or anything like that. I wouldn't go out with someone unless I've already met them and felt they were someone I would want to be around. Maybe that's just me.
As far as separate checks, this extends beyond dating for me. If I ask someone I know out in a platonic way, I'm definitely going to pay. I can see if you're good friends or have a long-time acquaintance, you might have an agreement to go halfsies every time you go out.
I can see what you're saying, how people who are actively looking, dating, might have an unwritten understanding that you go Dutch, but I've never done it that way. Besides the situations I mentioned, if I invite someone out, I will pay, and I'm a woman.
So, the man-vs.-woman paying debate. I'd think you wouldn't invite someone on a date unless you somewhat knew them and liked them. If you like them, man or woman, invite them. You pay. If you like this person, hopefully they'll be the type of person who won't be squeezing you for money all the time. If it turns out that they are, I guess that just comes with the territory. Pay closer attention next time.
Yeah that's my definition of a real date. I wouldn't go out with someone I didn't already know I was attracted to/interested in. Then again I don't participate in OLD/set-ups/blind dates/etc., so my perspective is colored by that. If I suggested we go out to spend more time together, I would pay for the whole date. If he asked me out, I'd expect him to take care of it. Or if we suggest something together, we both pay. I don't really think paying indicates interest, it can be just as ambiguous as anything else. Maybe they paid due to being raised to think it's courteous no matter who it is? Maybe they were doing it to be nice? Maybe they're doing to flash how much monies they got? Who knows?
Yeah that's my definition of a real date. I wouldn't go out with someone I didn't already know I was attracted to/interested in. Then again I don't participate in OLD/set-ups/blind dates/etc., so my perspective is colored by that. If I suggested we go out to spend more time together, I would pay for the whole date. If he asked me out, I'd expect him to take care of it. Or if we suggest something together, we both pay. I don't really think paying indicates interest, it can be just as ambiguous as anything else. Maybe they paid due to being raised to think it's courteous no matter who it is? Maybe they were doing it to be nice? Who knows?
Yep, I think a big part of it is that I'm quite a bit older than the both of you. That's how things were done then and how I was raised. That's not even meant as an insult. It just means that, like most things, it's just evolved to things being done differently now.
EDIT: One thing I do like about that "tradition" of paying when you invite, it just provides a sense of warmth. The person is showing that they appreciate you, your company, and want to give something of themselves. It's just a nice gesture between two people. And, like I said, it can always be reciprocated.
Last edited by SeaOfGrass; 06-09-2019 at 05:58 PM..
Yep, I think a big part of it is that I'm quite a bit older than the both of you. That's how things were done then and how I was raised. That's not even meant as an insult. It just means that, like most things, it's just evolved to things being done differently now.
EDIT: One thing I do like about that "tradition" of paying when you invite, it just provides a sense of warmth. The person is showing that they appreciate you and want to give something of themselves. It's just a nice gesture between two people. And, like I said, it can always be reciprocated.
Agreed. Also agreeing with paying if asking. There’s a huge difference between me and some of the male poster’s attitudes we have here. Money’s just not that important, and indicates nothing as far as I’m concerned. I’m not wealthy, I just don’t care about it. I’m not keeping track and sending signals with it.
I do believe I’m closing in on 50 first dates with just a couple of relationships, and I really am ok with that. It’s fun for me, and has nothing to do with “getting things from men.” I do agree men my age have more of a feeling they should pay, I’ve always thought that was generational.
I’ll go to a bar, restaurant, summer concert, hockey game, whatever I feel would be fun. I don’t have to meet for a walk, I walk 3 miles a day every day! I want to see stuff and experience what’s around me. My goal has never been to look for free things to do, not when meeting my female friends either.
Lately I’m having more fun when out with my female friends. Next year I may want a serious relationship, I don’t get the expectations part, just try to enjoy life and don’t live it for others.
Well, I've never done online dating or blind dates or anything like that. I wouldn't go out with someone unless I've already met them and felt they were someone I would want to be around. Maybe that's just me.
As far as separate checks, this extends beyond dating for me. If I ask someone I know out in a platonic way, I'm definitely going to pay. I can see if you're good friends or have a long-time acquaintance, you might have an agreement to go halfsies every time you go out.
I can see what you're saying, how people who are actively looking, dating, might have an unwritten understanding that you go Dutch, but I've never done it that way. Besides the situations I mentioned, if I invite someone out, I will pay, and I'm a woman.
Same here. I think online dating has changed the rules from when I was dating back in olden times. I dated people whom I had been introduced to, through mutual friends or shared interests.
I wouldn't dream of asking anyone out and not paying. That goes for anyone, a friend, a relative, a date, or business associate.
80% of the time. Guys pay for girl since guys usually make money than girls unless girl is rich and guy is poor.
Keep going, OP! Keep pushing it! Go for it!
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Keep going, OP! Keep pushing it! Go for it!
