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I am guilty of this! It is a hard habit to break. I am afraid if I do not say what I have to say in the moment, I will forget it. And I do. My brain just works very fast, and my memory can't keep up.
My ex dealt with this by simply talking on and on and on and never leaving a space for anyone to get a word it. It's just as annoying!
I do empathize, OP, I hate being interrupted too.
Unfortunately, I do it too. Most of the time we’ll be driving someplace and he’ll be telling me something when suddenly I’ll see something else important or interesting. I’ll blurt it out and he’ll just stop talking. I ask him to continue, because it was just a momentary interruption but it makes him angry.
It’s probably rude on my part, but what if we missed seeing something?
You have to make her aware she is doing it and that it bothers you first.
Then stop her when she does it
If it’s just a habitual behavior she has, she will eventually learn to stop herself once you both have this plan in place and understand the goal isn’t to “one up” each other over bad behaviors.
My wife was the same way with me for years (still does this from time to time) but, she is aware now she does it and makes an effort to control herself. Nobody had ever told her how annoying it was before so she had zero idea she even did it.
I think a lot of interrupters are either not even aware they do it (my wife knows she does it) or they aren't aware how disruptive it is to the other person's thought processes. They also interrupt more than they think they do because as others mentioned, it becomes an ingrained habit. And habits, good or bad, become rote and instinctive with practice. Even though my wife knows she does it I don't think she knows how often she interrupts me because I don't interrupt her ever.
My ex friend was like that. It bothered me something fierce. We'v e been friends on and off for over twenty years. I realized that she would interrupt me all the time when we talked. Constantly talking over me. If it wasn't that, it was her non stop talking. She'd jump from one subject to the next, while you prayed for her to shut up. I couldn't take it. We'd have a running joke that when I couldnt take anymore (or listen), that I'd say some stupid thing like, "oh look my dog just got hit by a car. Mind you I have no dog, and she knows this. And she would know that I was all talked out, or all listened too out. Sometimes, if you didnt give the hint strong enough, she would try to continue babbling on. In which case , you had to say " missy, I've got to go.
I called her on this behavior, and I think that she tried. But it was a very slack effort. I even said at one time that I thought that she was a narcissist. She told me that some other guy said that to her too. She thought that it might be true.
Anyway, when she did these rude things I would tell her that what she's really telling me is that what she has to say is more important. Now this girl is good looking, but just the way she is I could never be with her. When I first met her twenty something years ago, we were friends, but I also hit on her once way back then. She denied me saying that I was too young. I was twenty, and she was 29, who looked 19. Shes always looked young. Still does now, even at 51. She could pass for early thirties. But that personality, yuck. Mind you I look very young for my age too. I'm 44 and I get between 25 and thirty all the time.
So anyways, after she hit on me a few months back, i told her, " i thought that we should just be friends. I don't think that's what she wanted to hear. Payback on my part from twenty odd years ago?-No. Actually, hell No! I explained her personality. So we've had a falling out and i really can't see that we are ever going to be friends again. Mainly because I don't wish to be. Which, I am very grateful for.
You have to make her aware she is doing it and that it bothers you first.
Then stop her when she does it
If it’s just a habitual behavior she has, she will eventually learn to stop herself once you both have this plan in place and understand the goal isn’t to “one up” each other over bad behaviors.
My wife was the same way with me for years (still does this from time to time) but, she is aware now she does it and makes an effort to control herself. Nobody had ever told her how annoying it was before so she had zero idea she even did it.
How can someone not be aWare of what they're doing? How can they not know they're perpetraTing a certain behaVior? I don't understand that.
Yeah, it can be easy to get into that habit & kind of hard habit to break. My fiance' & I used to do this to each other for a certain brief period of time (him more than me) & I brought it to his attention. His reasoning was that he'll "forget what he was going to say if he didn't say it then & there" which I personally don't think is the best excuse because you can't forget what you're about to say that easily.
The MAIN point is that he didn't deny that he does it too & we both worked on it & improved a lot to where we don't do it anymore. We each just made sure each of us said what we had to say.
The person MUST acknowledge that they do it & seriously try to change, otherwise, nothing will change.
How can someone not be aWare of what they're doing? How can they not know they're perpetraTing a certain behaVior? I don't understand that.
they view it as simple conversing. It’s the way they have grown accustom to relating thoughts and feelings they have, It’s just normal for them. My wife’s family are all the same in this respect, so I would guess it’s something she grew up with doing and ingrained that type of behavior in to her communication style.
She still trips up knowing she has this issue. It’s just who she is.
How can someone not be aWare of what they're doing? How can they not know they're perpetraTing a certain behaVior? I don't understand that.
IMHO there are different motivations for interrupting a person. Many people are focused on the topic, not themselves. I am guilty of it too, but mostly while in some sort of lively discussion or storytelling...maybe with a group of people who are all working on some project. So many ideas flowing it can be hard to keep thoughts and tongue from running amok. The brain leaping ahead. I don't like arguing...its not that. Grew up with a domineering sibling who "taught" me to avoid conflict whenever possible. Nor is it malicious or deliberately disrespectful. It is a bad social habit...that takes self awareness and work to correct, but it can be done.
Then there are people who constantly interrupt to hear the sound of their own voice, to assert themselves to make sure everyone knows they are present. Their motivations are different even if the resulting behavior isn't. One work colleague comes to mind. Always dominated the discussion, interrupted everyone, overrode everyone, almost laughed down other people's comments. However, if anyone actually called her on it she became unglued, sulking, and angry. If the shoe was on the other foot and anyone dared to interrupt HER she wouldn't stand for it at all. Not a person anyone wanted to be around. She seemed to have no concerns about it, but often after a meeting with her you could watch the relief on other people's faces as they escaped.
I know I do this. I do my best to be conscious of it, and, if I don't catch myself before doing it, I typically do midstream, and I do try to make sure to acknowledge it, saying, "I'm sorry, you were saying?" My husband and I have a kind of nonverbal shorthand for when I'm doing it, too, but usually, I catch myself without the cue.
It's something I had to be very conscious of because of what I do, workwise. Part of what we do is reflect back to the person who is speaking what we took from what they said, and they have the opportunity to correct, if need be. But it's a slippery slope to almost start anticipating what people are going to say, and jump the gun. It takes a lot of mindfulness not to do it. A lot of people get into the habit because they are, instead of being really present and hearing what the other person is saying, actually thinking of what they're going to say next, and formulating and rehearsing it in their head. This often causes you to cut people off and appear inattentive.
A lot of people who interrupt also do so because they have attentional issues...it's a type of impulsive behavior. It's one of the first traits/behaviors to get flagged when clients are referred for ADHD screening...typically, their teachers or parents notice that they interrupt frequently, because they struggle to sustain focus.
I have noticed, too, that some people are routinely interruptED.
My husband is one. I've noticed, in group social situations across many different groups, he is very often a person who gets talked over when he is attempting to contribute...this happens to everyone sometimes, but with him, it's routine, and very notable. I can't count the number of times when I've watched him interact with a group, and start to open his mouth, and get talked over/passed over. I think that part of this is because he tends to be socially passive. He's not introverted or reserved, but he is very, very polite, and will easily yield the floor...and others tend to take advantage of that. Pair him with a floor hogger, as many of our acquaintances seem to be, and it's like an ant facing a bulldozer. He also has a speaking tone that, while not especially quiet, is very low in pitch and register. It is literally low-key. It really gets lost in the wash when he's with those "suck the air out of a room" type dominant people.
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