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Men are the pursues. I want to see a man interested in me and not just for sex. Men have a lower standard in most cases than women for who they will have sex with. I want to make sure he is interested in me and not just for sex. Part of demonstrating that is him pursuing. Granted, that is only part as men will pursue and date to have sex so you have to pay attention to what they say and do on dates and between dates.
As a woman, if I want a relationship, which I do, I have to show the man I'm a quality woman. The old fashioned idea of women control weather or not there will be sex and men control weather or not there will be relationship is very true.
Being a female pursuer years ago for many years did not work. I got used, for sex and also chosen for relationships for things traditionally male- having finances in order for example. This was not what I wanted.
If a man really wants you, he will pursue you. If you want me, show me. I'll show you I want you by being responsive, going on dates and being affectionate and a good listener- a friend to you while we are getting to know each other.
It's funny how nobody seems to question these gender expectations on this forum when it is a woman expressing them but when male posters try to point out the exact same things they get absolutely pilloried for it.
It's funny how nobody seems to question these gender expectations on this forum when it is a woman expressing them but when male posters try to point out the exact same things they get absolutely pilloried for it.
I agree with with Idkeither as far as wanting the man to be the pursuer, at least in the initial stages of dating.
If a man wants me to pursue him (call him, ask him on dates, send him flowers, etc) then he's probably not the right person for me. That type of man who wants women to ask them out, is not masculine enough for me. He would be happier with a different type of woman.
Question: "How can you know someone's intentions?"
His intention was sex on the third date.
That's too early.
He would have to be a really fabulous person, well above average, for me to even consider it on the 3rd date. Nice dresser, good looking, great personality, common interests, sexual charisma.
I suppose I could ask what he hopes to see happen between us since he is moving away. . .I am interested enough in getting to know him to learn if he has good character.
He would have to be a really fabulous person, well above average, for me to even consider it on the 3rd date. Nice dresser, good looking, great personality, common interests, sexual charisma.
In my opinion if it's going to be a healthy, equitable and successful long term relationship they should both be looking to have sex by the third date, if not the first.
In my opinion if it's going to be a healthy, equitable and successful long term relationship they should both be looking to have sex by the third date, if not the first.
Just your opinion.
And having sex early on doesn't make a relationship "equitable". I see no reason to share my body with someone I don't know that well. I don't care how horny the man is or how sexually frustrated he might feel early on.
And having sex early on doesn't make a relationship "equitable". I see no reason to share my body with someone I don't know that well. I don't care how horny the man is or how sexually frustrated he might feel early on.
Same can be said about your "opinion" that men should always be the pursuer in the beginning stages of dating.
And having sex early on doesn't make a relationship "equitable". I see no reason to share my body with someone I don't know that well. I don't care how horny the man is or how sexually frustrated he might feel early on.
It's not the sex itself that makes things equitable, it's the mutual "I can't keep my hands off of you even though I know I should at this point" aspect of it. If we're acknowledging different gender tendencies here, then men are going to feel that way about most even moderately attractive women that they date, while women are only going to feel that way about a select few men in their lives(I believe you even implied as much in your own post). If the man a woman ends up with long term is not among that select group of men there's going to be an inequitable sexual dynamic to the relationship that will not be healthy in the long term.
I am of course speaking in generalities that specific anecdotes may run contrary to.
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