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this is why girls say no sometimes. i always thought: its free dinner or a free concert with no hidden agenda, why wouldnt you go just for good company and good conversation (instead of oodles-of-noodles home alone). but if she is 100 % not attracted to you and never will be then that makes alot of sense.
To some women, it would make them feel like they're using the guy. At least for me, it would. I'd want the whole package especially if our family and mutual friends knew we were "hanging out" together.
Once again, you shouldn't have to ask. If you are at the stage you are making out, she can still say no to sex if it's going there, or she can go along with it. It's up to her. Women do expect a man to be able to read the signals she is giving without stopping to ask if it's OK to proceed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888
this is why girls say no sometimes. i always thought: its free dinner or a free concert with no hidden agenda, why wouldnt you go just for good company and good conversation (instead of oodles-of-noodles home alone). but if she is 100 % not attracted to you and never will be then that makes alot of sense.
OK fair enough. But what does economic power in society have to do with a relationship between a man and a woman, unless one of them is in it for the money? And the discussion was about sex, so I do believe a strong woman is always in charge of whether sex will happen or not (unless she is being raped). I think most men are up for it (no pun intended) most of the time, and most women are up for it when they feel like it. There are still mutually accepted and agreed upon gender roles in relationships and this is probably one of them for many people, and that doesn't preclude love, respect, honesty and communication. For example, a man may be expected to change a tire or do other heavy mechanical work, and a woman might be expected to have a major role in taking care of an infant while the man works, rather than vice versa.
Of course it can work the other way too, a man can refuse a date or marriage or sex with an interested woman he is not interested in, or he might just be too tired on a given night.
Everything I wrote about including economic power, the gender (racial) dynamic, and fairness had to do with the BELOW quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
You are NOT a perv. Remember: "society" always favors women. It does NOT have your, or most men's, best interests at heart. So you can safely ignore most of its opinions.
This claim is clearly and demonstrably false, and everything I wrote was to show why. If you are looking for any deeper intent or meaning from me as to what I was saying, there isn't any.
Yes, I agree. Society today neither favors men nor women, it favors wealth and power. But men who gained that wealth and power in an earlier time are holding on to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption
Everything I wrote about including economic power, the gender (racial) dynamic, and fairness had to do with the BELOW quote:
"Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
You are NOT a perv. Remember: "society" always favors women. It does NOT have your, or most men's, best interests at heart. So you can safely ignore most of its opinions."
This claim is clearly and demonstrably false, and everything I wrote was to show why. If you are looking for any deeper intent or meaning from me as to what I was saying, there isn't any.
yeah the o.p. in the other thread was awkward. i shouldve hi-lited:so basically, whenever you ask someone out to the movies or something, its assumed that you want to see them naked eventually ?
i guess so since so far all responders (except for one high school situation, and a couple waiting for marriage) say they always eventually had sex with their partner after dating them more than 1nce.
Every individual is different in their reason for accepting a request for a date. IMO first I meet the guy, and it's from an OLD interaction. After I meet them and determine the chemistry (if it's there) I will agree to, or suggest the next "date". I'm not going to go on a second date with someone that there is no chemistry with, and so guess what chemistry leads to? Sex. That's right, I said it. I am interested in eventually having sex with them.
I don't even have to say so, they've already figured it out by the way I am acting towards them, they have gotten inside my 3 foot bubble, I have touched them, held hands, ended the first meeting with more than a "See ya!" from across the street.
I'm the kind of person who has said it's 'cringey' if a guy asks: "May I kiss you?" because then, no. You can't. If he were to say: "I would like to make something sexual happen with you" I would be wondering why that is a required announcement? Is that going to happen while I'm asleep? It really isn't something that is necessary to announce.
I'm 12 dates into a relationship with no sex so far. Not only that, no flirtation, sexy talk, or any indication that it is coming up soon on the docket. Usually we've met at a Starbucks and I've driven us to see some speaker at some even downtown. Most conversation is current events related. Haven't seen her place. She's been to mine two or three times early on.
Hell, I am 55, there's no longer a mystique around it nor reasons to wait and wait. We aren't in our 20's anymore. If we aren't compatible between the sheets, I want to know and cut bait now. And, as has been mentioned, it is fun.
Just about to the point of "We are just on different wave-lengths, good luck".
Yep. I would. You have been friend zoned. But, have you made a move?
i went to catholic school and the nun who taught health class said that spouses who engage in sex without the intent of creating a child are still sinning.
so if you did it on your honeymoon, you are still going to hell <@(j/k).
Forget the Catholic crap. It's not sinning. It's natural and healthy.
Yep. I would. You have been friend zoned. But, have you made a move?
Went so far as suggesting she come over and spend the night after we were downtown. "Oh no I can't do that without my contact lens stuff". I responded "Stopping at Walgreens will take all of about eight minutes". "You can't just drop this on me without time to plan!" … so I told her to pack a bug-out bag and throw it in her trunk. She never did. This was at date #8 I think.
Then she had some webinar that ended around 8 or 8:30 the next night. I was like "Great, come over after that". Texted her during it a bit, then got the "I need 24 hours notice, I am already in my PJs".
Lame.
What it boils down to, and I think you will all mostly agree, is that if she WANTED to come over she wouldn't be making stupid double-talk excuses. It doesn't take planning to throw a lens kit and a T-shirt in a bag. The fact that she's not working should make it even easier for her (in theory).
This kinda ties in with another active thread - we matched 99% on OkStupid. We align perfectly on-paper (screen). Both graduate degreed and home-owners. My best female friend (who is coming up from TX tomorrow to visit me for the weekend) put it succinctly last night on the phone: "By the third or fourth date you should be ripping each other's clothes off, that is the most exciting time of the relationship, she shouldn't be turning away from your attempts to kiss her". She agrees I need to just cut bait and move on.
Once again, you shouldn't have to ask. If you are at the stage you are making out, she can still say no to sex if it's going there, or she can go along with it. It's up to her. Women do expect a man to be able to read the signals she is giving without stopping to ask if it's OK to proceed.
no to going out on a date.
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(j/k).
