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I went out on a great first date with a guy in March. Literally the next day the city shutdown due to covid so we have continued to text over the past couple of months. Two weeks ago we finally got to meet again and he claimed he wanted to try to schedule something again. But when I proposed dinner, 24 hours later he responded saying his good friend died (this is true) and ignored my question about meeting again. I offered my condolences and we chatted a bit further about the death. I've checked in on him but he hasn't been initiating any contact any longer. Is he just not interested any longer, or too distracted by the sudden death? I'm not sure what to make of this.
I went out on a great first date with a guy in March. Literally the next day the city shutdown due to covid so we have continued to text over the past couple of months. Two weeks ago we finally got to meet again and he claimed he wanted to try to schedule something again. But when I proposed dinner, 24 hours later he responded saying his good friend died (this is true) and ignored my question about meeting again. I offered my condolences and we chatted a bit further about the death. I've checked in on him but he hasn't been initiating any contact any longer. Is he just not interested any longer, or too distracted by the sudden death? I'm not sure what to make of this.
It was probably a convenient “out” for him.
In my experience, if a guy is into you, he will let you know.
It may have absolutely nothing to do with you. This friend who died may have been an extension of his family. My friends are my family. Give him a break and remain patient. Let him initiate contact. He may be gone for good, so leave your options open because you may never hear from him again.
A few years ago I suffered a catastrophic loss at the time I was just starting to casually date someone. I found that I could not go back to him after that because he reminded me of the "before" and it made me sad. I needed to get used to my new normal. Just a thought.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willed88
I went out on a great first date with a guy in March. Literally the next day the city shutdown due to covid so we have continued to text over the past couple of months. Two weeks ago we finally got to meet again and he claimed he wanted to try to schedule something again. But when I proposed dinner, 24 hours later he responded saying his good friend died (this is true) and ignored my question about meeting again. I offered my condolences and we chatted a bit further about the death. I've checked in on him but he hasn't been initiating any contact any longer. Is he just not interested any longer, or too distracted by the sudden death? I'm not sure what to make of this.
I’d say that he is dealing with his friend’s death and probably doesn’t feel in a condition to actively chase a new connection. I was in his position this time last year after a close friend of mine took his own life and I was not in a mood to entertain new romantic possibilities. I would not take this personal and let him have his space. I wouldn’t count on hearing from him again so don’t wait for him and close yourself off.
Give him some time, he's gone through something traumatic. Hate to say it, but you are probably a low priority right now. Don't take it personally, because its probably now. For now you have to move forward because his focus and emotional state or nowhere near you. When he heals, IF he comes back to you then you can chat. But for now you will just have to accept the situation and continue moving forward.
What I've found when you lose someone close to you, it changes everything. For me, and a few friends agreed with me when they experienced loss, you don't reach out to others because you just don't have the strength. Death can have such a profound impact on your mind, your thought processes, your ability to function. It was a challenge to reach out to close friends I had established relationships with.
If this is a young person who died, the friend circle might be trying to support each other, trying to figure out a way to honour the friend's memory or support their family, in the midst of a pandemic.
No harm in sending a thinking of you text, but I really wouldn't expect much in return.
Wow, these perspectives have been very helpful. I was really liking this guy, but seem the universe may have other ideas. In any event, I was taking his withdrawal rather personally, but these insightful comments have helped me better frame the situation so I can move on.
Keep in mind that people experience grief in their own way - and if he's really down, time slips by a little faster right now, and just like that, he hasn't talked to ANYONE AT ALL for a week, not just you. If you're interested, wait it out, and prepare to be supportive.
I’d say that he is dealing with his friend’s death and probably doesn’t feel in a condition to actively chase a new connection. I was in his position this time last year after a close friend of mine took his own life and I was not in a mood to entertain new romantic possibilities. I would not take this personal and let him have his space. I wouldn’t count on hearing from him again so don’t wait for him and close yourself off.
This^^
It's unfortunate this happened, but if this was a very close friend then he's probably not in the right head space for dating someone new right now. I think your best bet is to move on, he might reach out at a later date when he's feeling better, he might not. Either way, I would continue to meet new people if I were you.
I will add though--and I think Birdie touched on this--if a guy is super into you he'd at least give you a heads up that he does plan on seeing you in the near future. It's easier for him to act the way he's acting when there's not that strong of a connection. My guess is the pandemic might've put a damper on your budding relationship more so than his friend's passing, just my two cents.
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