Needing a place to vent (husband problems) (how to, women, love)
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So I don't really have any people I can confide in or discuss how I'm feeling. For one I don't want the people around me to know what's going on my life. So this seemed like a good place to talk it out.
Back story: my husband and I have been together for 20 years. He's had drug problems our whole relationship. He kicked the "hardstuff" over 10 years ago, but still drinks a lot every day. He also has a medical marijuana card. So basically he's high and buzzed pretty much every waking hour. He hasn't worked in 10+ years so I support him. I truly feel that if it weren't for his dependencies on weed and alcohol he'd be employed. Plus the fact that he has no motivation to get a job and spends my money like he earned it.
He always makes big plans for the things he wants to do and I'm supposed to foot the bill. When I tell him we can't afford it, he borrows money from his 73 year old father and puts me in the position to pay him back. He drinks my money away. I make decent money but because of him we don't make it to the next paycheck before running out of money. Then he again borrows money so that he can continue to drink.
And before you say "Why haven't you left him already?" Because he knows I will have to evict him. That he has rights and i can't just kick him out of my home. He gets mail here, and a couple bills are in his name. He won't just leave and it's my home so I can't leave.
The reason I came on here today is because last night without asking me, calls his "buddy" and arranges to buy acid. I get mad at him and tell him no, it's my money and I'm tired of supporting his drug habits. I took his bank cards and hid the keys to my car. He has told me I'm crazy, I'm acting like my mother, I'm wrong because he hasn't come across acid in a long time.
Let me also mention he does almost nothing in the home. Sometimes he cooks, once every 2 weeks maybe. Never cleans... but loves to dictate about how to clean, where things go and complains about how I do/did something. It's to the point I do nothing because I don't want to get a lecture about how it should be done.
I'm so incredibly frustrated and depressed because my life amounts to working (I work from home), and watching TV. But even my watching TV pisses him off because he wants to blast the stereo.
I'll end my venting for now.... I just needed to put words out somewhere, some place I could anonymously post my frustration. Thanks for reading.
Hire a decent lawyer and get rid of him. My aunt had a husband like that and she went to her death complaining about him. Get a lawyer and get rid of him. You'll be glad you did.
Hire a decent lawyer and get rid of him. My aunt had a husband like that and she went to her death complaining about him. Get a lawyer and get rid of him. You'll be glad you did.
Get a lawyer and get rid of him.
Get a lawyer and get rid of him
Get a lawyer and get rid of him
Get a lawyer and get rid of him.
I think this may help you: CODEPENDENCY: Is a behavioral condition in a relationship, where one person ENABLES another person's ADDICTION , poor MENTAL HEALTH, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement........
I would suggest that you get yourself into therapy preferably, with a female Clinical Social Worker, that specializes only in psychiatric and clinical issues. There are many types of Social Workers. In education, they usually have a Masters Degree, and up. If you connect with the right person, and you do not go out of the room running, when she makes a comment that you may not approve of, she will be able to help you. Be honest with her, she can only help you by what you are telling her, since she does not know you, and she does not possess a crystal ball.
They usually charge per session, some give you an hour, others give you 40 minutes. Your insurance may pay for it. And even if the insurance does not pay for it , look at it from this point-of-view: you are a female, and most females like to look pretty. They spent fortunes buying all these products from all this companies that guarantee them they would look BEAUTIFUL, and they often do not......so instead of spending $60 or more in a make- up base, 1.7 per ounce, like Elizabeth Arden, give it to the therapist. Most of them, like to see the person, once per week, especially at the beginning, but, even if you can see HER every- other- week, try to. It will SAVE your life.......
There is a Relationship forum here in C/D, but I do not recommend it......you will get lots of people that cannot understand your problem, and some can be very hurtful. And you do not need that now........
After 20-years of living with this situation, it's more than obvious (to everyone but you) that this is a co-dependency issue. There is no intent to be unkind here, but, nothing is going to change until YOU change it. Sasi123's suggestion above is a good first step.
There is an old, but, true, saying: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but, expecting a different result." While "insanity" might seem like a strong term, I've watched the recurrent dynamic of drug/alcohol dependency and its enablers (co-dependents) repeatedly in street ministry over 30-40-years.
The results NEVER simply change by themselves - and venting is still a long step away from actually acting to change things.
Change is hard, but it is necessary. Figure out a plan, but you MUST get free. You have had all of us tell you that, and you know in your heart what must be done.
Good luck and God bless - we are all pulling for you!
Dumping him wont solve your problems OP. You'll just hook up with another loser.
I sincerely wish you prove me wrong. You would be the first.
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sasie123
