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In my case, I escalated physically. In fact, said woman and myself kissed on the first date (first meet), and had a make-out session on the 2nd.
When we were seeing each other multiple times a week, eventually I'd start throwing innuendo her direction...which was mostly met with silence.
In comparison to other women I've dated, they weren't inconsistent like this one. I recall one of the women I dated to make the first quip after we did some making out. Won't get into the details, but it was pretty graphic...something about covering up some evidence of our fooling around when we were going out in public. I joked with her and said, "Woah, slow your roll..! LOL"
That's the kind of woman I want.
Had I been a dude saying what she said, the women here would probably think, "CREEP!"
Whether it is "creepy" or not depends entirely on how receptive the person is. YOU were receptive, so not creepy at all.
Innuendo is fine, it happens not infrequently, but my policy is to not go there first. Let the lady drop the first double entendre, etc then riff off of that some. Much smoother time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
ThisTown123, I don't often agree with timberline742 but I think you'd be wise to adopt his policy of not going there first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Agree with this one! Men should tread lightly on this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Meh, I could. But...someone has to get the ball rolling first. And since men are the initiators, it just makes sense.
Are you suggesting that guys should let women lead when it comes to verbally escalating to the first double entendre or are you suggesting that guys should let women lead when it comes to verbal escalation in general?
Because to me verbal escalation starts way earlier in the process than that. So the sequence seems to go in terms of verbal escalation from me to you, to we, to us and a lot of those changes in conversation tone are being led by me, with me backing down if she doesn't accept them. This is also when I am looking at her body language, if I move toward her personal space does she move away, does she stay where she is, does she move closer to me. Depending on she is reacting here both linguistically and physically I have a pretty good idea about whether I think she might be receptive to being touched in a fairly innocuous part of her body, maybe her hands, maybe brushing the hair from her face, that type of low level contact and even then I may make some moves in that direction, but not actually do it, to again sense her receptivity toward being touched.
But leading with verbal escalation seems to really help calibrate physical escalation a lot.
Are you suggesting that guys should let women lead when it comes to verbally escalating to the first double entendre or are you suggesting that guys should let women lead when it comes to verbal escalation in general?
Because to me verbal escalation starts way earlier in the process than that. So the sequence seems to go in terms of verbal escalation from me to you, to we, to us and a lot of those changes in conversation tone are being led by me, with me backing down if she doesn't accept them. This is also when I am looking at her body language, if I move toward her personal space does she move away, does she stay where she is, does she move closer to me. Depending on she is reacting here both linguistically and physically I have a pretty good idea about whether I think she might be receptive to being touched in a fairly innocuous part of her body, maybe her hands, maybe brushing the hair from her face, that type of low level contact and even then I may make some moves in that direction, but not actually do it, to again sense her receptivity toward being touched.
But leading with verbal escalation seems to really help calibrate physical escalation a lot.
Re: the bolded
Yes, the situation definitely needs to be felt out.
But let's keep in mind that ThisTown123 was well beyond that point. He said it involved "intimately kissing and heavy petting". (Note that heavy petting is defined as erotic contact between two people involving stimulation of the genitals but stopping short of intercourse.)
Where it went wrong was when ThisTown123 decided to "talk naughty". His comment:
"I did find it rather odd that she had no problem making out with me in a passionate fashion, but when it came to the innuendo talk in the throws of that passion...she was not comfortable with talking naughty."
We don't know what he said to her, but I have a feeling it was probably along the lines of something Louis C.K would say during his stand-up comedy routines. If that's the case, I think many/most people would be uncomfortable and/or offended - regardless of what stage the relationship is at.
I may be misunderstanding the situation but I'm thinking she viewed it as a romantic encounter...and then ThisTown123 decided to try to turn it into a scene straight out of a porn movie. I don't know. But it does sound like everything was going great...and then he screwed it up.
And it should be noted that I don't think he misread her. I think he was just being selfish.
Yes, the situation definitely needs to be felt out.
But let's keep in mind that ThisTown123 was well beyond that point. He said it involved "intimately kissing and heavy petting". (Note that heavy petting is defined as erotic contact between two people involving stimulation of the genitals but stopping short of intercourse.)
Where it went wrong was when ThisTown123 decided to "talk naughty". His comment:
"I did find it rather odd that she had no problem making out with me in a passionate fashion, but when it came to the innuendo talk in the throws of that passion...she was not comfortable with talking naughty."
We don't know what he said to her, but I have a feeling it was probably along the lines of something Louis C.K would say during his stand-up comedy routines. If that's the case, I think many/most people would be uncomfortable and/or offended - regardless of what stage the relationship is at.
I may be misunderstanding the situation but I'm thinking she viewed it as a romantic encounter...and then ThisTown123 decided to try to turn it into a scene straight out of a porn movie. I don't know. But it does sound like everything was going great...and then he screwed it up.
And it should be noted that I don't think he misread her. I think he was just being selfish.
yes..
lots of fine lines..
some women don't like the dirty talk ….particularly in the beginning....
and not knowing one another all that well... gotta be careful.... lots of fine lines.
one persons dirty talk is anothers perversion....
in one facebook forum the "let me be your daddy" was either loved or hated by women....no in between (ive never said this to a woman)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC
But SHE clearly wasn't...HE knew that.
So creepy.
It boggles my mind. Either it was a complete misreading of the other person, or they didn't care about what the other person felt or thought. Either way, no good. How can adults be making these missteps? This is the stuff we learn in adolescent relationships when we're expected to fumble around.
The reality is, innuendo and verbal play and actual play are often connected and tied together, they're often not connected and tied together. There are people you can be sleeping with for months, if not years, and they still will not appreciate innuendo or sexy talk. There are those that will thrive off it, but not want to actually go there. And every other combination under the sun!
For good sakes, get the vibe of the person you're out with, read it, and listen to what is being said (and I'm not talking just verbally). Goodness sakes. This forum. SMDH.
Yes, the situation definitely needs to be felt out.
But let's keep in mind that ThisTown123 was well beyond that point. He said it involved "intimately kissing and heavy petting". (Note that heavy petting is defined as erotic contact between two people involving stimulation of the genitals but stopping short of intercourse.)
Where it went wrong was when ThisTown123 decided to "talk naughty". His comment:
"I did find it rather odd that she had no problem making out with me in a passionate fashion, but when it came to the innuendo talk in the throws of that passion...she was not comfortable with talking naughty."
We don't know what he said to her, but I have a feeling it was probably along the lines of something Louis C.K would say during his stand-up comedy routines. If that's the case, I think many/most people would be uncomfortable and/or offended - regardless of what stage the relationship is at.
I may be misunderstanding the situation but I'm thinking she viewed it as a romantic encounter...and then ThisTown123 decided to try to turn it into a scene straight out of a porn movie. I don't know. But it does sound like everything was going great...and then he screwed it up.
And it should be noted that I don't think he misread her. I think he was just being selfish.
Bingo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
It boggles my mind. Either it was a complete misreading of the other person, or they didn't care about what the other person felt or thought. Either way, no good. How can adults be making these missteps? This is the stuff we learn in adolescent relationships when we're expected to fumble around.
The reality is, innuendo and verbal play and actual play are often connected and tied together, they're often not connected and tied together. There are people you can be sleeping with for months, if not years, and they still will not appreciate innuendo or sexy talk. There are those that will thrive off it, but not want to actually go there. And every other combination under the sun!
For good sakes, get the vibe of the person you're out with, read it, and listen to what is being said (and I'm not talking just verbally). Goodness sakes. This forum. SMDH.
For good sakes, get the vibe of the person you're out with, read it, and listen to what is being said (and I'm not talking just verbally). Goodness sakes. This forum. SMDH.
LOL. You are asking for too much
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