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Let me preface this by saying this is a gay relationship thread, but all non-judgmental opinions are welcome.
I’m in a relationship with a guy who is 51, I’m 33. So a bit of an age difference, but not a big deal to me. I just love him to death, he’s a really good guy and I thought he was Mr. Right. He’s been telling me that his friend from the Dominican Republic was coming to visit and staying with him. He always has friends visiting so I didn’t really bat an eye about it. But we just got back from a vacation in Vancouver and had a bit of time to talk on the drive back to Seattle. I asked him how he knew this guy and he said “oh we met online.” And then I asked “where online?” And he said “I don’t remember.” I asked “so is he like an old friend?” And he said “No, he’s young. I think 23-24.” Then I was like... “okay, how do you not remember how you met him?” And he said “I just can’t recall.” About 5 minutes later he said that they met on a gay hookup site called Scruff but that there wasn’t anything between them. They met when he was on a trip to Punta Cana (he works for an airline) about 3 years ago and they’ve been friends ever since. This guy has apparently visited him in the past.
I thought he was being evasive with his answers and while I have had no reason to distrust him before, something about this whole situation just isn’t sitting right with me. My trust is easily lost and my first instinct is to flee the situation, but I would miss what I have with him.
If there's nothing to hide, why did he hide something, i.e., “I don’t remember?" I think your concerns are valid because, for whatever reason, he first lied to you, then "suddenly" remembered where he met his "friend." I call BS on that.
No one can decide if deceit is a deal breaker for you, but you. Does he have a history of lying to you, either by commission or omission?
You'd have to be pretty naïve to believe that it's a platonic friendship. I mean, they met on a hookup site, and that person is traveling 3600 miles to visit and stay with him.
You'd have to be pretty naïve to believe that it's a platonic friendship. I mean, they met on a hookup site, and that person is traveling 3600 miles to visit and stay with him.
Yeah. And that’s the thought that hurts me. He’s always struck me as being a very honest guy, I’ve never once distrusted him before this occasion. Perhaps unfortunately for me or for him, I’m professionally trained in detecting deception and he was just giving it to me in spades during that conversation.
Yes, you don’t need to be with someone who has been sleeping around, especially if it’s not an open relationship. How long have the two of you been together?
Spot on Birdie. The gut always knows.
Without trust there is no relationship.
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