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Sorry to say this has red flags written all over it. He already admitted he lied even if he didn't phrase it that way. What else has he lied about? Honesty/trust are the foundation for a solid relationship. It's up to you if you want to forgive him and give him one more chance, but you need to make it clear that this is not something you will tolerate.
Yeah this is situation that seems to be more common in gay relationship, or at least from what I can understand. A lot of the guys I know met their friends as hookups or they are exes from a previous relationship. It can be tough. It really puts my trust to the limit sometimes. If I truly trust the guy, I try and let it be. But, if I sense something shady, I go with my gut. There were lots of ways for him to approach you on this, like sitting you down and explaining it to you in detail, or NOT letting this 20-something (who may have the wrong idea) stay at his place out of concern for your feelings. It looks bad, and he's smart enough to know it, hence the dodgy behavior.
How are you going to proceed forward? Been in similar situations myself. It can be a struggle in the gay community, the blurred lines between friendship and relationship and some men are just not good at drawing strong boundaries for themselves.
The thing is ... if he met him while he was traveling, my mind would immediately go to all the other times he'd been out of town, wondering if he does the same thing routinely.
Of course I'd also wonder if he's slept with many of the other "friends" who have visited as well.
If the friend visits, will you feel the need to not let them be alone ? Ride to the airport together, miss time from work so they can't be alone, sleep with one eye open ? I'm trying to project how I'd feel if a gf had a male friend (with whom I suspected a fling) visit from over 300 miles away. It'd be exhausting.
Have open communication with your SO and let him know how you feel about this situation and how you feel about friends visiting and spending the night. Make your decision based on his response. The real issue here is trust.
The thing is ... if he met him while he was traveling, my mind would immediately go to all the other times he'd been out of town, wondering if he does the same thing routinely.
Of course I'd also wonder if he's slept with many of the other "friends" who have visited as well.
So gay guy here too.
So I would say that's not a fair assessment. I met a lot of my friends through gay hookup apps while I traveled. Some I hooked up with some I didn't and never will. The minute I am in a committed relationship, I would still be friends with some of these guys, but would never dare to do something with them if I had a true BF.
So I would say that's not a fair assessment. I met a lot of my friends through gay hookup apps while I traveled. Some I hooked up with some I didn't and never will. The minute I am in a committed relationship, I would still be friends with some of these guys, but would never dare to do something with them if I had a true BF.
The boyfriend met this guy on a hookup app while he was in this relationship. Seems like the wrong place to look for "friends."
Is this a monogamous relationship or monogamish relationship? With the gay men I know, there seems to be a greater tolerance of dalliances on the side, especially in relationships with larger age gaps. He may assume you are doing this discretely and be doing the same. I would talk to him and actually clarify what is your boundary and what is his boundary with respect to dalliances.
Let me preface this by saying this is a gay relationship thread, but all non-judgmental opinions are welcome.
I’m in a relationship with a guy who is 51, I’m 33. So a bit of an age difference, but not a big deal to me. I just love him to death, he’s a really good guy and I thought he was Mr. Right. He’s been telling me that his friend from the Dominican Republic was coming to visit and staying with him. He always has friends visiting so I didn’t really bat an eye about it. But we just got back from a vacation in Vancouver and had a bit of time to talk on the drive back to Seattle. I asked him how he knew this guy and he said “oh we met online.” And then I asked “where online?” And he said “I don’t remember.” I asked “so is he like an old friend?” And he said “No, he’s young. I think 23-24.” Then I was like... “okay, how do you not remember how you met him?” And he said “I just can’t recall.” About 5 minutes later he said that they met on a gay hookup site called Scruff but that there wasn’t anything between them. They met when he was on a trip to Punta Cana (he works for an airline) about 3 years ago and they’ve been friends ever since. This guy has apparently visited him in the past.
I thought he was being evasive with his answers and while I have had no reason to distrust him before, something about this whole situation just isn’t sitting right with me. My trust is easily lost and my first instinct is to flee the situation, but I would miss what I have with him.
Did he tell you he was bi?
Take it from a gay guy...those gay apps are chock full of DL (down low) bi guys in relationships doing guys on the side.
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