Seperated but living together affecting daughter

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

I'm not ready to file for divorce.

Why not?

[himain]

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

I am not using my daughter as a pawn. She tells me everyday she is depressed so I can not have him living here making her depressed. He needs to figure out if he wants to make the marriage work but not while being in the house with me or her. It's hard living with someone when you want to try to make it work and they are not sure if they do. I'm not ready to file for divorce.

Why wouldn't you file divorce from a toxic person?? Then why are you even on here asking for advice for the 2nd time??? You clearly are not going to make any changes. Enjoy your unhappy holidays!

[zentropa]

You are putting your selfish dependence on an alcoholic before the mental health of your vulnerable daughter. Nice.

[LilLisa83]

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

It started off with me having my husband move out because he needed to make some changes. In the meantime I found out he was depressed so I told him to move back in and we could support him and work ilin the marriage. He then decided he was going to move back in but still be seperated. I did not think that was a good idea because I at this point wanted to work it out. so we basically live in the same house as roommates. Even his councellor told him it was not a good idea. My 15 Yer old daughter is very uncomfortable in this situation. She is not eating well and not sleeping and said she does not even want to be in her house anymore. Everyone told my husband if he wants to be seperated he should move back with his mother until he can figure it out. He keeps telling his daughter he is trying to work it out with me but she can tell he is not. He even told her the other day he will not move out and she can go live with her aunt!! He is very selfish. He does not want to live at his mother's he would rather live here and make me and my daughter misserable. My daughter's depression is getting worse by the day. I don't know what to do!!

Your daughter is obviously more important than your husband/ ex?, So go to the court and Start the process of filing for divorce and making it final. None of this roommates silliness.
Studies show that by simply staying together "for the children" hurts them even more than just septation.
Show him the door. Tell the cops you don't feel comfortable with him in the house anymore and it's causing you and your daughter emotional stress.

[LilLisa83]

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

That's my problem. I have been a softie and pushover my whole marriage so he never takes me serious.

Well start putting your foot down today. Stop caving in, stop second guessing yourself, stop being so hard headed.
You aren't ready to divorce someone who is CLEARLY making it very uncomfortable and stressful for your DAUGHTER? C'MON.
Then why not this: have your daughter move out to another family member where they will feel safe and stress free until you can learn to get tired of the BS enough for you to make a move?!

[bmantx]

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

It started off with me having my husband move out because he needed to make some changes. In the meantime I found out he was depressed so I told him to move back in and we could support him and work ilin the marriage. He then decided he was going to move back in but still be seperated. I did not think that was a good idea because I at this point wanted to work it out. so we basically live in the same house as roommates. Even his councellor told him it was not a good idea. My 15 Yer old daughter is very uncomfortable in this situation. She is not eating well and not sleeping and said she does not even want to be in her house anymore. Everyone told my husband if he wants to be seperated he should move back with his mother until he can figure it out. He keeps telling his daughter he is trying to work it out with me but she can tell he is not. He even told her the other day he will not move out and she can go live with her aunt!! He is very selfish. He does not want to live at his mother's he would rather live here and make me and my daughter misserable. My daughter's depression is getting worse by the day. I don't know what to do!!

Originally Posted by Lauraplante1438

That's my problem. I have been a softie and pushover my whole marriage so he never takes me serious.

The best course of action if you are truly finished fighting for your marriage is divorce. It's a tough choice but one that has to be done. My wife divorced her ex husband after 12 years of marriage because he cheated multiple times and they have 2 children together. The unstable relationship was hurting the kids. If not for yourself, think of your daughter. The instability she sees is harming her more than helping her.

All this is doing is teaching your daughter that it's ok to stick with a failed marriage. The way to see this a better way, is to put yourself in your daughters shoes. How would you react if your daughter was with a guy like that and refused to divorce or leave him? It would hurt you I bet.

I wish you the best of luck as divorce is never an easy option, but sometimes necessary.

--B