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This is just a general question. But what are the general reasons, besides a boost to the ego if one would, why an older person would be interested in someone quite younger?
By younger, I mean anywhere from 10 to 30 years younger.
Spoiler
Personally: I'm 30s often confused for 20s even by 20-year-olds (by looks, never used makeup/don't need it) & I was raised pretty conservatively & act/dress it.
Yet found around here a # of men who show interest can be quite a bit older. Including one old enough to literally be my father (1 year younger & over twice my age). Yes, I know the difference between flirting/showing interest vs. just being nice/friendly. Yes, I'll admit, some of them do intrigue me. So maybe I'm just too curious for me own good but the consistency sort of has me wonder am I "missing" something
There are many reasons no doubt, but I think the most common (aside from the ego boost) would be fertility. Especially for an older man who hasn't had a family yet wants one, women his own age probably can't provide that, so he'll look for younger women. Of course, younger often also means more attractive, so that alone can be incentive to seek such a relationship, but it is likely to be a shallow attraction.
I've had a couple of such relationships, but I haven't sought them out - the women picked me to date. I happily went along with it since they were NOT gold-diggers and didn't have so-called "daddy issues" - just great people who happened to like me for me.
This is just a general question. But what are the general reasons, besides a boost to the ego if one would, why an older person would be interested in someone quite younger?
By younger, I mean anywhere from 10 to 30 years younger.
Spoiler
Personally: I'm 30s often confused for 20s even by 20-year-olds (by looks, never used makeup/don't need it) & I was raised pretty conservatively & act/dress it.
Yet found around here a # of men who show interest can be quite a bit older. Including one old enough to literally be my father (1 year younger & over twice my age). Yes, I know the difference between flirting/showing interest vs. just being nice/friendly. Yes, I'll admit, some of them do intrigue me. So maybe I'm just too curious for me own good but the consistency sort of has me wonder am I "missing" something
If you’re hot men will try just about anyone nowadays.
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I very rarely am, but if I am, its usually because we met and there was some chemistry. I recently met (Nov) a 32 yo, and had fun hanging out, but there was a considerable maturity and experience gap which was a turn off for me so it isn't going anywhere. If that gap didn't exist, it may have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
I've had a couple of such relationships, but I haven't sought them out - the women picked me to date. I happily went along with it since they were NOT gold-diggers and didn't have so-called "daddy issues" - just great people who happened to like me for me.
That too. On OKC or whatever I pretty regularly have women 10-15 or so years younger message me, and sometimes we get together. Or, I've met them IRL and didn't know their ages. That happened last year and she turned out to be about 20 years younger. She was mature though and I actually would have pegged her for mid 30s.
There are many reasons no doubt, but I think the most common (aside from the ego boost) would be fertility. Especially for an older man who hasn't had a family yet wants one, women his own age probably can't provide that, so he'll look for younger women. Of course, younger often also means more attractive, so that alone can be incentive to seek such a relationship, but it is likely to be a shallow attraction.
Thanks. I figured fertility for one guy (no kids I've seen or heard about), who is interesting.
But a few of the others have kids of their own, including ones my age or even older, so that likely falls under the younger > more attractive = (shallow) relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
I've had a couple of such relationships, but I haven't sought them out - the women picked me to date. I happily went along with it since they were NOT gold-diggers and didn't have so-called "daddy issues" - just great people who happened to like me for me.
Neither a gold-digger or with "daddy issues" myself, some of these guys intrigue guess cause well they're mature (not boys).
My first real girlfriend was 35 when I was 18. We were together off and on for three years. She left me for someone who was more age appropriate. I was devastated when it happened, but they have totally let the house go and live in squalor (she had just bought the house after we met and I did a lot of work on it), he's butt ugly, and her daughter, who is ten years younger than me, ended up having kids with someone older than her mom. Talk about a load.
I had an on again, off again thing with a 41 year old when I was in college. She'd be 55/56 now. I just looked her up on Facebook and she looks the same as she did then - had another picture of her ziplining. It wouldn't work long term, but I would like to go on a vacation or something with her again.
My most recent ex was eight years younger than me, but the age gap had nothing to do with our issues.
My fiance is 20 years older than I am. He is 60, I'm 40. We met about 4 years ago.
I think that his mental wiring in not being attracted to women his own age, has to do with frame of reference. He never had or raised any kids, and he had very little experience with women/relationships in his whole life. So he didn't go through life closely interacting and bonded with people (especially female people) who were aging in front of him. I feel like, even if I meet a much younger guy and find him very smart and interesting and cool, there's a point where my enthusiasm over such a new friend cannot cross into sexual attraction, because I raised two sons and if he's closer to their age...it weirds me right out. There is a boundary in my head. I know a poly couple who never had kids, and they are in their 40's and both date 20-somethings with no hangups. Both of them, though, have aged very gracefully and neither of them look like "older" people really. They party and travel and act young. I hear a lot of parents who have raised kids balk at finding much younger people attractive simply because of that frame of reference, "He/She is my kid's age!"
My fiance also doesn't act or look like a 60 year old. He looks a good ten or more years younger, thanks to a lifetime of generally healthy habits and having naturally more oily skin that caused acne when he was young, but in older age means that he isn't wrinkling as much as people with dryer skin. And he's lucky enough to still have a full head of dark hair that's only beginning to go a little silver at the temples now. But perhaps more significantly he doesn't FEEL like an older guy, and can't relate to older people, he's always sought and found new entertainment in contemporary music and TV and movies to love, and he's not winding down in his lifestyle or anything. The only part that he's feeling in terms of "getting older" is the inevitable onset of certain health things...starting to get some aches and pains, having to see a doctor more often, etc.
So really, past a point (I'd say about 25 or so) it's more a question of whether people's mindsets and life stages are compatible or not, and a lot of that has to do with your own choices and how you've lived your life. Age becomes less of an absolute thing, once you're fully an adult.
And personally I much prefer older partners. But I would guess it has to do with the fact that when I was a child, I didn't get along with my peers and my parents were distant and not very good caregivers, so it was the older people in my family who were the best nurturers, who I had the closest bonds with. I feel more safe and comfortable in relationships with older people, and I'm sure that how I was raised influences that a lot.
My fiance is 20 years older than I am. He is 60, I'm 40. We met about 4 years ago.
I think that his mental wiring in not being attracted to women his own age, has to do with frame of reference. He never had or raised any kids, and he had very little experience with women/relationships in his whole life. So he didn't go through life closely interacting and bonded with people (especially female people) who were aging in front of him. I feel like, even if I meet a much younger guy and find him very smart and interesting and cool, there's a point where my enthusiasm over such a new friend cannot cross into sexual attraction, because I raised two sons and if he's closer to their age...it weirds me right out. There is a boundary in my head. I know a poly couple who never had kids, and they are in their 40's and both date 20-somethings with no hangups. Both of them, though, have aged very gracefully and neither of them look like "older" people really. They party and travel and act young. I hear a lot of parents who have raised kids balk at finding much younger people attractive simply because of that frame of reference, "He/She is my kid's age!"
My fiance also doesn't act or look like a 60 year old. He looks a good ten or more years younger, thanks to a lifetime of generally healthy habits and having naturally more oily skin that caused acne when he was young, but in older age means that he isn't wrinkling as much as people with dryer skin. And he's lucky enough to still have a full head of dark hair that's only beginning to go a little silver at the temples now. But perhaps more significantly he doesn't FEEL like an older guy, and can't relate to older people, he's always sought and found new entertainment in contemporary music and TV and movies to love, and he's not winding down in his lifestyle or anything. The only part that he's feeling in terms of "getting older" is the inevitable onset of certain health things...starting to get some aches and pains, having to see a doctor more often, etc.
So really, past a point (I'd say about 25 or so) it's more a question of whether people's mindsets and life stages are compatible or not, and a lot of that has to do with your own choices and how you've lived your life. Age becomes less of an absolute thing, once you're fully an adult.
And personally I much prefer older partners. But I would guess it has to do with the fact that when I was a child, I didn't get along with my peers and my parents were distant and not very good caregivers, so it was the older people in my family who were the best nurturers, who I had the closest bonds with. I feel more safe and comfortable in relationships with older people, and I'm sure that how I was raised influences that a lot.
I love this, and thats how I hope to be at 60. I'm 10 years younger, but told I can pass for late 30's. Its a good thing I share his attitude as I'm still hoping to have a child in the near future and will need that kind of attitude and energy. The reason this is relevant to me currently is I'm talking to a 33 year old woman and I'm the one questioning the age difference.
FWIW, I met my husband when he was 30 and I was almost 21. He was recently divorced and said that my maturity is what attracted him to me. Go fig! Also, he did want kids, so that worked out in our favor.
I also dated someone 16 years my senior, but that was just for fun and was never going to turn into anything serious.
I agree with the others who say it's more about compatibility, mutual interests and goals, etc.
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