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I am utterly confused. I friended this musician back in the summer of 2019. He messaged me and asked if I was at one of his shows because I looked familiar. I said I actually think I was, but because I saw that he was a musician, I try to be friends with like minded people. We just kinda kept it at that. Like "Nice to meet you." I guess.
Well in december he started love reacting everything I was posting and even hopped on a philosophical post of mine. He then private messaged me saying how intrigued he was by views on life, and my intelligence. Then it progressed to me telling him I write alot, and us having deep conversations, and us kinda exposing our vulnerable side which is our trauma. We both went through similar trauma. He sent me like 11 songs of his so I could read his writing. I replied in depth to each one individually. I was intrigued by his poetry.
The messages he wrote were LONG! Like running out of chracters long. We messaged each other back and forth. We were so in sync and bonded very well. He was very respectful, and gave me compliments that were a reasonable amount. It was nice for a change to talk to a guy that wanted to get to know.me. Not have him give me one liners and constantly comment about my beauty or hooking up. He even said he would let me use his Hulu account if I wanted to, and even offered free drumming lessons to hone in on my skills. He didn't offer his number though or ask me out, which is what I was waiting for. He said he was "hooked" on me and intrigued by me as whole. He was saying how I am his favorite person to talk to and he enjoys our convos, deep thoughts/opinions, and admires me.
Yet he wasn't progressing the friendship outside of FB? So, he kept pushing in a nice way for me to send my writings to him. My poems. I told him how dark, depressing, and emotional they are because I never write about anything happy. He said. "I'm sure they are which is why I'm more intrigued. It would allow me to get you know you more and what is inside of that beautiful deep brain of yours. I'm really fascinated by your intelligence." I trusted him as our convos were super time consuming and long, I figured I would send him ONE poem.
I did and he hasn't responded to me in 10 days! He is active on FB and posting stuff non stop. Even made a post saying "I am off tomorrow if anyone wants to hang?" Uhh? Wouldn't you ask your "favorite" person? The one you are "hooked on"? That kinda hurt me. Because he can't reply to my message or my poem, but I replied to 11 songs he wrote, and gave him my in depth response to each one individually all within an hour? I am so confused? He keeps love reacting my pictures and some of my posts, yet won't respond to my last message and poem I sent him? It takes alot out of me to trust a man, especially one I haven't met. I felt we were vibing so well and it would progress to a deeper level since we were building a solid friendship. He made me feel so important, special, and everything else. He even said that quite a few times how special I was and I felt it. Now, I feel unimportant, not a priority, confused, and baffled.
Because why initiate conversation, send LONG messages, listen to everything I say, and share similar stories of trauma, pain, have deep convos, saying how much he really likes me, how I'm his favorite, saying how special and beautiful I am, and that he is hooked on me, and share writings, then ghost? I never felt so betrayed because I would expect this from some one dimensional minded guy that sent me one liners, or didn't want to get to know me, and complimented me non stop. But this guy actually treated me like I mattered, engaged in LONG conversations, listened to me, and opened up to me, and we talked about so many deep thoughts about life. He even offered free drumming lessons, and his Hulu account. I really thought we were heading somewhere, but it's been 10 days left on "read" and I am honestly hurt by this. Should I express that to him? What does this sound like to you?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-04-2020 at 02:03 PM..
Reason: Merged 2 threads on same topic.
I think really long messages are a result of shyness or insecurity and they do not replace talking to each other. I would have called him after his first long message and just say, "The message was getting too long. I prefer to talk." Unless, of course, you prefer long messages.
Have you met him in person? Hung out ever in person?
Since it is left on "read', you could message him and say "Hey, how are you? I sent you one of my poems last week, did you see it?"
Maybe he didn't see it yet, for whatever reason. Maybe he has been busy with other things. He will probably say something back about how busy he has been.
I guess in the future, maybe not open up and share so much with a stranger that you might meet in person someday... wait until you meet and get to know a guy before sharing such traumatic events with him. Because then you feel vulnerable and if he disappears, it might hurt you more.
I sure hope he didn't want to use your poem to write a song?? :/
I think really long messages are a result of shyness or insecurity and they do not replace talking to each other. I would have called him after his first long message and just say, "The message was getting too long. I prefer to talk." Unless, of course, you prefer long messages.
I agree, but that's what I was waiting for with him. I was waiting for him to progress it outside of FB and for him to give me his number. I enjoy long convos, but I definitely wanted something more out of our convos. Even if it all ended up just us being friends, I still wanted to meet in person regardless. It all confuses me because he put so much effort and thought into our messages, and then he ghosts instead of flowing with the energy we had.
I would send him a message saying hey how have you been, did you see the last message I sent you and see what he says.
It seems like if he was romantically interested or even just interested as a friend he would have made some kind of effort to hang out with you in real life by now.
To be honest I highly doubt he is busy. On Facebook he is active ALL the time and still "love" reacting my posts. He is posting stuff all day too. Even my friend thinks it's malicious that he is posting stuff and clearly on Facebook, engaging with people, but not getting back to me. Like I said, I responded to 11 songs individually and in depth all within an hour. He could do the same for one lousy poem. It wasn't even that long. Especially someone like him who obviously loves to type and read.
@ellie maybe he didn't like my poem hahaha. But either way if you're vibing and connecting to someone as much as we were through messenger and even some of his live vids he would post of him and his band, you would progress it and not keep all on FB. I mean he was laying it on thick in a respectful way. He wasn't gross or disrespectful, but he showed enough interest where he definitely wanted to meet up, or gave me that notion. Even friends interpreted some of our long drawn out convos haha. They said the same that he was more flirty than I was, and definitely interested. So, I would imagine at least exchanging numbers and taking it outside of FB that way would be a good step to take.
Either way, he initiated it, sends long lengthy messages, and we talked about our trauma, life, and how amazing we both were lol. I am not open with strangers, hardly ever. Like I said for him to know that vulnerable side of me takes alot in me. I don't just freely tell people, but the connection and vibes we both had and how welcoming he was really made me feel comfortable to tell somewhat of my trauma. It verged on the heels of him sending his songs to me and a couple of them was about his trauma. I told him I could relate so I elaborated on it because he was so kind and welcoming. I'm usually not like that and I'm very distrustful of men because of what happened to me.
I guess, for me to go even that far with him was a big step for me. Now I feel played. Because I felt we were building a strong foundation of friendship and it could've progressed or not, either or, I imagine if you are saying how amazing someone is and how much they "get you" that you would want to meet them face to face. It hurt that he just ghosted and saw my message and poem, but can't simply reply or even send a message saying "I'm sorry I'll get back to you. I've been busy."?
Someone said on here that might be using my poem as lyrics for his band. I was thinking that actually because he was pushing alot for me to send my writings to him and I never really share them to people. So, I did, and once I shared one, that's when he stopped replying to my messages and ghosted me. So, he might come up with a lame excuse like a month later saying "he was busy" to possibly get more off of me. But I'm so turned off by his behavior, and he can shove it. I'm hurt too because I thought he really wanted to progress this friendship. I want to ask him but I probably won't get an honest answer and anyways I'm just so hurt and turned off by it all. He said his band isn't having another show until april or may because of recording, and producing new material. I wonder if he needed a song or is trying to steal song lyrics off of people for his "new material". It's so strange and I don't know what to think of it to be honest. So, I'm kinda grasping at straws because he showed so much interest and then just ignores me. None of it makes sense especially for what he was saying to me too.
Last edited by InfraredRoses; 01-29-2020 at 08:02 AM..
You shared too much personal stuff via messages with someone you had not developed a friendship with first, which makes you emotionally invested. Then hurt when it never really was a friendship.
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