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I am utterly confused. I friended this musician back in the summer of 2019. He messaged me and asked if I was at one of his shows because I looked familiar. I said I actually think I was, but because I saw that he was a musician, I try to be friends with like minded people. We just kinda kept it at that. Like "Nice to meet you." I guess.
Well in december he started love reacting everything I was posting and even hopped on a philosophical post of mine. He then private messaged me saying how intrigued he was by views on life, and my intelligence. Then it progressed to me telling him I write alot, and us having deep conversations, and us kinda exposing our vulnerable side which is our trauma. We both went through similar trauma. He sent me like 11 songs of his so I could read his writing. I replied in depth to each one individually. I was intrigued by his poetry.
The messages he wrote were LONG! Like running out of chracters long. We messaged each other back and forth. We were so in sync and bonded very well. He was very respectful, and gave me compliments that were a reasonable amount. It was nice for a change to talk to a guy that wanted to get to know.me. Not have him give me one liners and constantly comment about my beauty or hooking up. He even said he would let me use his Hulu account if I wanted to, and even offered free drumming lessons to hone in on my skills. He didn't offer his number though or ask me out, which is what I was waiting for. He said he was "hooked" on me and intrigued by me as whole. He was saying how I am his favorite person to talk to and he enjoys our convos, deep thoughts/opinions, and admires me.
Yet he wasn't progressing the friendship outside of FB? So, he kept pushing in a nice way for me to send my writings to him. My poems. I told him how dark, depressing, and emotional they are because I never write about anything happy. He said. "I'm sure they are which is why I'm more intrigued. It would allow me to get you know you more and what is inside of that beautiful deep brain of yours. I'm really fascinated by your intelligence." I trusted him as our convos were super time consuming and long, I figured I would send him ONE poem.
I did and he hasn't responded to me in 10 days! He is active on FB and posting stuff non stop. Even made a post saying "I am off tomorrow if anyone wants to hang?" Uhh? Wouldn't you ask your "favorite" person? The one you are "hooked on"? That kinda hurt me. Because he can't reply to my message or my poem, but I replied to 11 songs he wrote, and gave him my in depth response to each one individually all within an hour? I am so confused? He keeps love reacting my pictures and some of my posts, yet won't respond to my last message and poem I sent him? It takes alot out of me to trust a man, especially one I haven't met. I felt we were vibing so well and it would progress to a deeper level since we were building a solid friendship. He made me feel so important, special, and everything else. He even said that quite a few times how special I was and I felt it. Now, I feel unimportant, not a priority, confused, and baffled.
Because why initiate conversation, send LONG messages, listen to everything I say, and share similar stories of trauma, pain, have deep convos, saying how much he really likes me, how I'm his favorite, saying how special and beautiful I am, and that he is hooked on me, and share writings, then ghost? I never felt so betrayed because I would expect this from some one dimensional minded guy that sent me one liners, or didn't want to get to know me, and complimented me non stop. But this guy actually treated me like I mattered, engaged in LONG conversations, listened to me, and opened up to me, and we talked about so many deep thoughts about life. He even offered free drumming lessons, and his Hulu account. I really thought we were heading somewhere, but it's been 10 days left on "read" and I am honestly hurt by this. Should I express that to him? What does this sound like to you?
Like a typical musician
I am always surprised about how many people develop feelings for someone that shows no interest in seeing them. Not even interested in a phone call, just texting.
When I was online dating I made those mistakes, too. I learned from it and then cut people off if they weren't interested in meeting within 2 weeks tops.
If I was you, I would have called him after not hearing from him for 2 days and not wait 10. Some of them cell phones have call features, ya know?
What you describe is pretty typical of text-only relationships. They flourish in periods of idleness or boredom and screech to a halt when one or both parties finds more useful ways to occupy their time.
My guess: he met someone in real-life whom he wants to date. You should try to do the same.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartleby69
What you describe is pretty typical of text-only relationships. They flourish in periods of idleness or boredom and screech to a halt when one or both parties finds more useful ways to occupy their time.
My guess: he met someone in real-life whom he wants to date. You should try to do the same.
Yup. If you want a real relationship, live in reality.
I am always surprised about how many people develop feelings for someone that shows no interest in seeing them. Not even interested in a phone call, just texting.
When I was online dating I made those mistakes, too. I learned from it and then cut people off if they weren't interested in meeting within 2 weeks tops.
If I was you, I would have called him after not hearing from him for 2 days and not wait 10. Some of them cell phones have call features, ya know?
I'm musically inclined but I wouldn't say I'm a "musician" per se. Since I have to work on my skills. Which is what we talked about. I said i can count odd time signatures really well, but I'm not that great at drumming, and I need to be cleaner with my guitar skills. He took it upon himself and said if I ever wanted lessons he would teach me to hone in on it. I even offered to pay him and asked how much he charges per session or per hour, and he said "For you, free. I do free lessons for people I care for. I just want you to be out there in the world with your musical ability. You have it." So, I told him once I get my classes together and I buy a guitar to practice on, I will most certainly take him up on that offer. At that point I expected him to give me his number since I agreed to it. I also added I would give him something for his time.
I guess because of the chemistry through text and him being so understanding and welcoming that's what really drew me in. Almost every guy I encounter just wants one thing out of me. I like having deep convos and philosophical discussions, and it was great that someone of the opposite sex was into that as well. Also, us relating to each other's past troubles and trauma drew us in I feel. We both really opened up our vulnerable sides and it was nice to have someone understand me, and how I felt.
I can't call him because I dont have his number. That's kinda the whole point of this post. He really laid it on thick, sent me LONG out of space messages, and engaged in deep intelligent convos mixed in with flirting and funny convos. It was great to develop that kind of chemistry and bond between us, but he never offered his number or asked me out. So that's where it got confusing.
Then he asked for my writings and made it seem genuine. So, I sent him one and then he ghosted and I haven't heard from him in 10 days now. Yet he is on Facebook conversing with people, posting stuff, and even posted a status saying "I'm off tomorrow if anyone wants to hang?" When that was kinda a slap in my face since we were so engaging with each other and inwas supposedly his "favorite" person to talk to, then why not ask me? He even said I had a huge heart and a welcoming soul. So, it's not like he was intimidated by me. We both were on the same wavelength, it seemed.
I get what you mean though and I'm happy you no longer do that. Thank you for commenting.
Have you met him in person? Hung out ever in person?
Since it is left on "read', you could message him and say "Hey, how are you? I sent you one of my poems last week, did you see it?"
Maybe he didn't see it yet, for whatever reason. Maybe he has been busy with other things. He will probably say something back about how busy he has been.
I guess in the future, maybe not open up and share so much with a stranger that you might meet in person someday... wait until you meet and get to know a guy before sharing such traumatic events with him. Because then you feel vulnerable and if he disappears, it might hurt you more.
I sure hope he didn't want to use your poem to write a song?? :/
I agree with this....you've never met so there's really no investment here. I'd be leery of messaging endlessly with someone for a long period of time without actually meeting them. I did the online dating thing and if there was no actual date planned within a week of messaging with each other I moved on. Typically guys would ask for a date within a day or two of messaging, so to me if he's not asking to see you he's not interested in anything more than a texting or messaging relationship.
I look at friendships differently. I mean look at Pen-pals. Just because someone is behind a screen it doesn't mean you can't have a friendship or a tight bond. I definitely looked at us as friends that could potentially be more because of how much we conversed and the diverse conversations we had were very enthralling. We both talked about so many things. One is being in relation to music, but others were poetry, deep philosophical discussions, life, funny convos, flirty convos, etc. It was more on his part though, the flirty stuff.
Like I said, I am more baffled as to how we were sparking and vibing really well but he never offered up his number or asked me out. Yet, he said I could use his Hulu account because of a certain show we both love is on there and I couldn't find it elsewhere. He offered up his Hulu account so I wouldn't have to pay. I respectfully declined because I don't take advantage of people, plus I didn't meet him yet, but it was kind of him to offer that. I'm "Ms. Independent" though. Then he offered free drumming lessons because we were talking about odd time signatures and how I can count odd time signatures, yet I suck at drumming. I said I needed to be cleaner on my guitar skills. So he said "I give lessons to college students. I can help you hone in on your skills." I then asked how much he charged per session or per hour, and how grateful I was of him offering that. He said "For you, free. I give lessons for free to people I care for. I see you have musical ability. I want the world to see what you have and help you hone in on those skills." I was extremely appreciative and thankful and even said I would give him something for his time.
Then he proceeds to ask for my writings since he loves to write and he was so "fascinated" by my "deep beautiful brain". I caved and sent him ONE, then he doesn't reply and ghosts me. He saw it right away too. It's been 10 days and he is just love reacting my photos and some of my posts but not getting back to me. It hurts because I thought it could be something that would blossom. Even if we just stayed friends, I thought he was a very interesting person to talk to, and to meet up with regardless of the outcome.
I would assume he felt the same since he was way more flirty and complimentary. But thank you all for commenting and taking the time out. I just feel played and even worse used for just my poetry for his new projects. So, that really hurts me if he buttered me up this whole time because he saw that I was deep and philosophical. Figured he could get something out of me some way. I really liked him despite the fact it was via web. I never opened up and felt so comfortable with the opposite sex like that before. So, it was great to have that sparkling chemistry. I think it's a situation where he was bored and really didn't think it was that "investing" to engage in long convos, put in effort, and time into our messages for emotional boredom....or he used me for song lyrics. It sucks either way. Thanks everyone.
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