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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,805,788 times
Reputation: 41398
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There will always be a transactional element to relationships no matter what stage you are in. People here will deny it till they are blue in the face but it is true.
^^^ great post by FKAT. If you feel you are bringing more to the table than the person you are seeing, move along. Relax, and take your time because if you rush this and mess up, you'll be sorry.
You should be impressed by her, and her accomplishments. If you are not impressed, move along.
Looks and physical stuff is huge at your age, but as time passes, it wears off and its the personality, morals, ethics, work ethic, ability to compromise, money habits, all the rest that takes over.
So, while physical attraction does count, (do not discount it because that is a mistake too) don't let that dominate the situation. Give it equal priority. Find the balance.
The harsh truth? There are people who will never find love. Not because it doesn't exist, but because they are too hardheaded and too wrapped up in dumb, mechanistic theories to be open to love's possibilities.
Agreed. That was me. I had expectations and disappointments due to the other person not being what my definition of a “good partner” was. They were supposed to react and behave in a way I felt comfortable with, or I viewed them as not that interested in my happiness. A mind blowing break through in middle age, to understand not everyone grew up the same, had the same expectations, and were not able to make me happy when I didn’t communicate!
I think love does exist for everyone, people are more jaded nowadays because nobody trust each other. There’s no way you can have a relationship without trust.
Agreed. That was me. I had expectations and disappointments due to the other person not being what my definition of a “good partner” was. They were supposed to react and behave in a way I felt comfortable with, or I viewed them as not that interested in my happiness. A mind blowing break through in middle age, to understand not everyone grew up the same, had the same expectations, and were not able to make me happy when I didn’t communicate!
Unless that’s truly your type. Then trust away
yeah that is true. Reminds me of my ex gf she grew up in a blue collar family and has tendencies that I would say is unclassy and unprofessional especially since we are in the same school together. I didn't intentionally, but tried to mold her in a way that I felt was "right."
yeah that is true. Reminds me of my ex gf she grew up in a blue collar family and has tendencies that I would say is unclassy and unprofessional especially since we are in the same school together. I didn't intentionally, but tried to mold her in a way that I felt was "right."
As painful as it was for you to go through the breakup, hopefully you took away this valuable lesson:
While you can gently influence others by setting the example that you'd wish to see them emulate in some way, at the end of the day, you cannot go into any relationship--be it romantic, work, familial, friendship, or just with the world at large--with the notion that you can change the people within in it (other than yourself) into being what you wish that they would become.
yeah that is true. Reminds me of my ex gf she grew up in a blue collar family and has tendencies that I would say is unclassy and unprofessional especially since we are in the same school together. I didn't intentionally, but tried to mold her in a way that I felt was "right."
But there's nothing wrong with that. Everything she does reflects upon you. Ultimately, it's your responsibility as a man to guide her.
But there's nothing wrong with that. Everything she does reflects upon you. Ultimately, it's your responsibility as a man to guide her.
Your definition of a man is more appropriate 30 or more years ago.
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Harsh truth I’ve learned?
