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For many married Americans, nighttime means curling up in a bed shared with their spouse. But a growing trend of couples opting for separate beds may help spouses get better sleep and alleviate marital problems, experts say.
According to a 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation, almost one in four married couples sleep in separate beds.
Jill Lankler, a New York clinical psychologist and life coach, says while that number seems high given the stigma that may still exist around separate beds, she's seen more couples open to trying it.
"People are losing sleep. They are waking each other up, and there is this resentment that begins to build in a relationship," she said. "If you don't address that, obviously your relationship is going to suffer, your work suffers. It's this cascade."
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We have slept together since 1974, very few elbows in the gut, snoring or other annoyances in those years. We always seem to get a good night's sleep unless one of us has a cold or other illness, then I'll sleep in a guest room.
I guess we are lucky in that sleeping in the same bed isn't a problem?
I can get up and he doesn't even notice I've moved, which is a blessing if one of you gets up earlier.
I love reaching over and feeling him there in the middle of the night. And if farting is such an issue that it's causing sleep problems, somebody needs to reevaluate their diet.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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My husband and I started out sharing a single bed (really), then got a double. Once we had a baby, we got the queen, mainly because I'd nurse the baby in bed and we needed more space. Then we went to a hotel with a king size bed and decided a king would be so luxurious.
We hate it. But it was so expensive that we're stuck with it for a while.
When you share a bed, you tend to have late night talks while you're drifting off. Things are said in that relaxed state that you might otherwise miss amid the chaos of family life and work. Cuddles in the middle of the night.
I suffer from bad dreams and I will often talk in my sleep. He comforts me and brings me out of it. Later in the day, he'll ask what I'm stressed about since stress often triggers these dreams that I rarely remember in the morning.
If he snores, I'm going to nag him about getting it checked out. If one of us coughs, the other will get water, ask if the other person is ok, etc. I'm probably going to bug him about getting it checked out, too.
My husband and I are a great couple, teammates in life and all that jazz. What we are not is good sleep partners!
I have been a lifelong bad sleeper. Any movement, noise (even the cat using the litter box in the room across the hall wakes me up), or yes smells wake me up. The joke is that I'm the one who would save the family from a fire before the fire alarm went off. For my part, I have bad allergies and I cough a lot as I go to sleep and apparently in my sleep as well, and I tend to insomnia and often read in the middle of the night and get up to use the bathroom frequently. We also work very different schedules, so he goes to bed and gets up way earlier than I do.
One or the other of us would end up in the guest room most nights, once we got fed up. Life is much more peaceful and restful now that dh sleeps in the guest room. We snuggle and chat before his bedtime and in the morning on weekends.
I think that more people are starting to sleep separately. Snoring, tossing and turning, things of that order. I'm a very light sleeper and I tend to toss and turn around a bit. I think each couple should do what works for them.
If he ever starts to have a major snoring problem, we will move into separate bedrooms. I cannot stand the sound of loud snoring and it keeps me up all night. And, no, earplugs don't work because I don't like the way they feel in my ears.
I'd gladly sleep in separate beds if I was married. I'm told that I snore VERY loud. I'm not aware of anything else I may do in my sleep. So definitely, don't sleep in the same room as me.
... And if farting is such an issue that it's causing sleep problems, somebody needs to reevaluate their diet.
Bingo ... oops, I meant Beano.
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