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As to whether you are being too particular or sensitive to this, I'd ask you to do a bit of self-reflection. Just a little. Ask yourself if you've been in an irritable mood for any other reasons, or in other areas of your life, in the last few days? Because hey, sometimes that happens and every little bit of input is annoying, and it's just a mood. But we can be too close to see the forest for the trees, yes? Just think about it a little bit.
Then I'd say it's a conversation to have face to face, to tell him that you're pretty busy with life, not too busy to date, but definitely too busy for idle "talk about the weather" chitchat. Tell him that "Happy Monday" isn't really your style. (LOL honestly it reminds me of the Camel in the commercial, like "Hey Mike. Hey. Hey. Hey hey hey hey Mike. Guess what day it is? IT'S HUMP DAY!") ....just try to be honest but still in a light and gentle kind of way, so he knows you're not slamming the door in his face.
I mean, unless you are in fact over it. *shrug*
I think it's pretty fair in the early stages of dating, to be able to tell someone that you do find them appealing in this and that way, but you're concerned about whether you are compatible on this one particular point.
Fact is though, there are some guys (here *cough*) who would be wondering, if you aren't totally ready to make time and space for a guy to be the first and only thing on your mind 24/7/365 then you "shouldn't be dating" or you are "too busy for a relationship." But these guys don't really have the best handle on all this, so I would pre-emptively disregard that. You know what you need. Somebody out there is a good fit for it. Might be this fella, might be some other.
I think one thing I forgot to mention that was a red flag, was on Saturday, he sent me a selfie that I had not asked for. I didn't see it right away, but because I didn't respond to his selfie right away, he texted me "So I take it you don't like my photo?"I responded when I finally saw it and told him it was fine I just hadn't seen it when he sent it. Mind you it had only been 10 minutes since he had sent it.
Now that I look at all of this, he does come off as really needy.
As to whether you are being too particular or sensitive to this, I'd ask you to do a bit of self-reflection. Just a little. Ask yourself if you've been in an irritable mood for any other reasons, or in other areas of your life, in the last few days? Because hey, sometimes that happens and every little bit of input is annoying, and it's just a mood. But we can be too close to see the forest for the trees, yes? Just think about it a little bit.
Then I'd say it's a conversation to have face to face, to tell him that you're pretty busy with life, not too busy to date, but definitely too busy for idle "talk about the weather" chitchat. Tell him that "Happy Monday" isn't really your style. (LOL honestly it reminds me of the Camel in the commercial, like "Hey Mike. Hey. Hey. Hey hey hey hey Mike. Guess what day it is? IT'S HUMP DAY!") ....just try to be honest but still in a light and gentle kind of way, so he knows you're not slamming the door in his face.
I mean, unless you are in fact over it. *shrug*
I think it's pretty fair in the early stages of dating, to be able to tell someone that you do find them appealing in this and that way, but you're concerned about whether you are compatible on this one particular point.
Fact is though, there are some guys (here *cough*) who would be wondering, if you aren't totally ready to make time and space for a guy to be the first and only thing on your mind 24/7/365 then you "shouldn't be dating" or you are "too busy for a relationship." But these guys don't really have the best handle on all this, so I would pre-emptively disregard that. You know what you need. Somebody out there is a good fit for it. Might be this fella, might be some other.
THANK YOU for this great feedback!!! I actually have a first date with another guy on Saturday, and he has been more on my level in communication. We also started chatting on Friday, but it seems like it's been more every other type of day, and nothing to excessive. I don't feel like he's reaching out to me for attention.
In January I hit the rest button after seeing another man for 1.5 month and also after revealing my feelings to my best friend. With those two put to rest, I just started actively started to talk to men again, so I have to remind myself I just got started and I need to be patient.
I think one thing I forgot to mention that was a red flag, was on Saturday, he sent me a selfie that I had not asked for. I didn't see it right away, but because I didn't respond to his selfie right away, he texted me "So I take it you don't like my photo?"I responded when I finally saw it and told him it was fine I just hadn't seen it when he sent it. Mind you it had only been 10 minutes since he had sent it.
Now that I look at all of this, he does come off as really needy.
I was all the way on the other side of the fence until this last piece of info. You knew going in he was going to bug you and you confirmed that.
Probably time for the "I don't think we have the same communication needs" conversation. You never know, maybe he's the same way and has been told by anonymous message boards that he needs to be more interactive and appealing to women. Or, he's just like that in general and it's time to move on.
I think one thing I forgot to mention that was a red flag, was on Saturday, he sent me a selfie that I had not asked for. I didn't see it right away, but because I didn't respond to his selfie right away, he texted me "So I take it you don't like my photo?"I responded when I finally saw it and told him it was fine I just hadn't seen it when he sent it. Mind you it had only been 10 minutes since he had sent it.
Now that I look at all of this, he does come off as really needy.
Classic I’m seeking out reassurance behavior. I guess we all need reassurance to an extent, but My attitude is who gives a **** if a women likes my photo or not lol, if I like it that’s all that matters to me. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out if you don’t like my selfie hunny.. complete opposite attitude then I sent you a selfie because I needed you to respond back with reassuring words that I’m accepted by you, because I’m afraid of rejection and putting myself completely emotionally out there so I’ll let the women lead emotionally in the relationship instead.
I was all the way on the other side of the fence until this last piece of info. You knew going in he was going to bug you and you confirmed that.
Probably time for the "I don't think we have the same communication needs" conversation. You never know, maybe he's the same way and has been told by anonymous message boards that he needs to be more interactive and appealing to women. Or, he's just like that in general and it's time to move on.
The date had already been set by the time this photo was sent. I think I just tried to go in with an open mind. I mean no one is perfect, but it was something that definitely I noted.
Last edited by thinkertinker; 02-11-2020 at 10:46 AM..
As to whether you are being too particular or sensitive to this, I'd ask you to do a bit of self-reflection. Just a little. Ask yourself if you've been in an irritable mood for any other reasons, or in other areas of your life, in the last few days? Because hey, sometimes that happens and every little bit of input is annoying, and it's just a mood. But we can be too close to see the forest for the trees, yes? Just think about it a little bit.
Self reflection?? Huh?
I would be EXTREMELY irritated and annoyed by a guy who texted me all day long!!
I think one thing I forgot to mention that was a red flag, was on Saturday, he sent me a selfie that I had not asked for. I didn't see it right away, but because I didn't respond to his selfie right away, he texted me "So I take it you don't like my photo?"I responded when I finally saw it and told him it was fine I just hadn't seen it when he sent it. Mind you it had only been 10 minutes since he had sent it.
Now that I look at all of this, he does come off as really needy.
Oh my.
Yeah, OK I admit, that's pretty unappealing behavior.
But then I'm not really a "selfie" kind of person. I guess some people are into that. I'd be staring at his photo thinking, "WTF do you think I am, your Instagram or something?"
It's making him look really desperate for validation, all this. Like maybe he needs to find a woman who is equally desperate for validation and then they can go validate each other.
Oh and yes...be patient! And keep a sense of humor, too.
I think one thing I forgot to mention that was a red flag, was on Saturday, he sent me a selfie that I had not asked for. I didn't see it right away, but because I didn't respond to his selfie right away, he texted me "So I take it you don't like my photo?"I responded when I finally saw it and told him it was fine I just hadn't seen it when he sent it. Mind you it had only been 10 minutes since he had sent it.
Now that I look at all of this, he does come off as really needy.
HUGE red flag.
It seems that he has some very unpleasant personality. Narcissistic, needy and thinks that he is irresistible.
Sends selfie and wants to be complimented right away or gets upset?
Childish!
Self reflection?? Huh?
I would be EXTREMELY irritated and annoyed by a guy who texted me all day long!!
Me, too!
SHE was wondering if she was being too sensitive. What I suggested, is how she can answer that question, for herself.
Kind of, "Would this always annoy me, or does this just particularly annoy me today because that's the mood I am in?" I have to ask myself those questions sometimes. Nothing wrong with being in a mood. It's a pretty human thing, after all. I know I found myself abnormally short with my coworkers at the office last week when I had a cold.
I'm not assuming this is the case. I'm just pointing to how she can ask herself if it's part of the picture, or it isn't. I would not know...but she might.
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