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So when it comes dating I can be kind of like a cat. I like my independence and I like my space. While I am an ambivert, I am similar to introverts in the sense if you text me, please do so when it's something of quality and not just because you need attention or want to talk about meaningless things. I hate long pointless unimportant conversations over text, ESPECIALLY if I am about to see you or just saw you in person.
I started talking to a guy on an app on Friday. We hit it off pretty well, and continued chatting into Saturday. He kept messaging me all day, which was okay. After just one day of chatting he wanted to set up a date for the following day (Sunday). Told him I couldn't so we set a date for Monday.
I thought from there communication would settle down more now that we had a date locked in. But Sunday morning he started texting me again, but nothing important just "Good Morning" "What do you have planned for the day" etc. After a morning of chatting back and forth I continued with my day. Then in the evening he started to text me again asking me and telling me non-important things like he was having pizza for dinner, how was my Sunday. And while I appreciate it him asking, it's just a bit much for me and I think unnecessary.
Fast forward to yesterday, where we had our date. I was very attracted to him physically, we had a lot in common, and overall it was a good time BUT he was exhausting. He's definitely the anxious/hyper type. After two hours on the date, I felt more exhausted than energized even though I still had a good time. Right after the date he started to text me again asking me a bunch of questions. He then asked me through text if I saw him when he first walked into the restaurant and a bunch of other strange questions. So this morning he texts me "Happy Tuesday!". And I just don't feel like responding at the moment. I feel like it's too much.
Because my friends have told me I can seem a little cold and standoffish, I wonder if maybe I am overthinking this, or do you think he is a little too intense? I kind of want to text him that if we can lessen communication, because I just value in person communication. I don't see the value in texting with someone every day all day unless it's something important or of quality. I did like him, but honestly, if he is always like this I don't know if it could work out. Exhausted from someone after two hours is not the best sign, even though, like I said, I had a good time with him.
I mean, you are who you are, but you do sound like you have a VERY high barrier for entry, so to speak.
If he’s texting too much, let him know. You can say it nicely, such as, “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. You may find that Im not used to Texting as much as we have been. Mind if we tone that down a little?”
I mean, you are who you are, but you do sound like you have a VERY high barrier for entry, so to speak.
If he’s texting too much, let him know. You can say it nicely, such as, “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. You may find that Im not used to Texting as much as we have been. Mind if we tone that down a little?”
Thank you for this. That barrier of high entry, part of it is I really enjoy being on my own, and I like my space. So I get a little scared of letting someone in who is going to be a little too dependent or needy. But I also know sometimes I misinterpret that too. I have an extremely fulfilling life already WITHOUT a boyfriend and a lot of peace, so I just get very cautious of who I would let into my life in that capacity.
I mean, you are who you are, but you do sound like you have a VERY high barrier for entry, so to speak.
If he’s texting too much, let him know. You can say it nicely, such as, “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. You may find that Im not used to Texting as much as we have been. Mind if we tone that down a little?”
Agreed.
Back in the day, there were people who didn't like being on the phone. And they would just express that in a nice way. Same idea for text. Just tell him.
So when it comes dating I can be kind of like a cat. I like my independence and I like my space. While I am an ambivert, I am similar to introverts in the sense if you text me, please do so when it's something of quality and not just because you need attention or want to talk about meaningless things. I hate long pointless unimportant conversations over text, ESPECIALLY if I am about to see you or just saw you in person.
I started talking to a guy on an app on Friday. We hit it off pretty well, and continued chatting into Saturday. He kept messaging me all day, which was okay. After just one day of chatting he wanted to set up a date for the following day (Sunday). Told him I couldn't so we set a date for Monday.
I thought from there communication would settle down more now that we had a date locked in. But Sunday morning he started texting me again, but nothing important just "Good Morning" "What do you have planned for the day" etc. After a morning of chatting back and forth I continued with my day. Then in the evening he started to text me again asking me and telling me non-important things like he was having pizza for dinner, how was my Sunday. And while I appreciate it him asking, it's just a bit much for me and I think unnecessary.
Fast forward to yesterday, where we had our date. I was very attracted to him physically, we had a lot in common, and overall it was a good time BUT he was exhausting. He's definitely the anxious/hyper type. After two hours on the date, I felt more exhausted than energized even though I still had a good time. Right after the date he started to text me again asking me a bunch of questions. He then asked me through text if I saw him when he first walked into the restaurant and a bunch of other strange questions. So this morning he texts me "Happy Tuesday!". And I just don't feel like responding at the moment. I feel like it's too much.
Because my friends have told me I can seem a little cold and standoffish, I wonder if maybe I am overthinking this, or do you think he is a little too intense? I kind of want to text him that if we can lessen communication, because I just value in person communication. I don't see the value in texting with someone every day all day unless it's something important or of quality. I did like him, but honestly, if he is always like this I don't know if it could work out. Exhausted from someone after two hours is not the best sign, even though, like I said, I had a good time with him.
While this guy may have looks going for him he definitely doesn’t have emotional independence going for him.... way too much. Like you said once the first date was locked in you would think he would take his foot off the gas a little with the text message but no. No matter how attractive this guy is, he will drive you off with his neediness and being tooooo emotionally available. This is the classic example where the women will start to wonder doesn’t he have something better in his life then me, especially early on, you don’t want to be the best thing going for him in his life where you are given all this needy attention, it’s too much and like you said, it’s exhausting.
And really “Happy Tuesday”??? Anyone who pays attention to the day of the week like would turn me off. What’s next him texting you TGIF? Who cares what day of the week it is, that’s so lame. Yea yea you might say it’s an excuse on his part to reach out you say, blah blah so unnecessary and lame I say.
Jeez...
You aren't cold or distant. Guy seems to be desperate and clingy. Red flag to me.
I would politely ask to cease that neediness.
It couldn't be his "fault", though. Just reading this forum made me realize that generally, women want that kind of attention and non-stop communication, so maybe he just wanted to make sure that your needs are met. Who knows, maybe he is exhausted too.
Clear it with him and assure that less is more.
If he is the needy type, then consider your choices. I wouldn't put up with that.
Back in the day, there were people who didn't like being on the phone. And they would just express that in a nice way. Same idea for text. Just tell him.
All valid points. I suppose once I communicate that, if he can't handle it then I know this is a no-go.
Maybe this is too simplistic, but in my experience, either a potential romance and/or friendship clicks on at least some level (personality match and/or sexual chemistry) right at the start, or it doesn't. And if it doesn't click right at the start, repeated exposure to the person usually does not help.
So why try to force it? There are probably at least thousands of people out there that someone will find very compatible, so why continue a relationship in which you just don't feel comfortable? However, in any case, I would be honest, instead of just leaving the other person wondering what he did "wrong" -- and this applies to all kinds of relationships.
Btw, this does not mean that any kind of spark must ignite at the beginning or "forget it", but I am just saying to let things develop (or not) naturally. To give an example of what I am talking about, I have now been married for 35 years to someone I worked with for over two years before we had our first date! (In short, we went from being co-workers to being friendly to being friends, and then we had our first romantic date -- but then it was only seven months after that that we moved in together!)
Last edited by katharsis; 02-11-2020 at 10:19 AM..
You JUST met this guy. He's probably trying to signal his interest. If you like him, tell him your preferred level of contact and see if he can respect that.
Jeez...
You aren't cold or distant. Guy seems to be desperate and clingy. Red flag to me.
I would politely ask to cease that neediness.
It couldn't be his "fault", though. Just reading this forum made me realize that generally, women want that kind of attention and non-stop communication, so maybe he just wanted to make sure that your needs are met. Who knows, maybe he is exhausted too.
Clear it with him and assure that less is more.
If he is the needy type, then consider your choices. I wouldn't put up with that.
He’s putting her needs on a pedestal way too early on in the relationship then. This early on its more of an interview process to figure out if there is chemistry and capability, not about fulfilling her needs.
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