Tired of Waiting (long-term, guys, love, attractiveness)
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Hey all.. I’ve been dating a guy for 2 years.. physically he’s perfect... but emotionally there have been challenges..
When I met him he didn’t have himself all together but eventually things got better for him and he got a great job and a new place.
In between all of this... we’ve dated and he says he wants to marry me but I’m growing concerned and think I may be wasting my time. We’re both in our 40s but he doesn’t have a car ... he keeps saying he’s getting one but no evidence of him trying - and I’m getting tired of driving him for dates.
I’ve never met his family and only met his kids one time in the entire 2 years. When I ask he says he has no problem doing so but never sets a date or sets a date and doesn’t mention it again.
He has no boundaries with the mother of his children but says he’s working through them. She has called him in the middle of the night claiming his daughter has had bad dreams or chatting with him about issues with their children. I’m talking 1 or 2 am.. I’m in bed with him and he answers.
I feel like we live 2 separate lives because he’s kinda weird about things like me staying over his house the whole weekend and going on vacation together (says we can plan but he doesn’t have the money right now).
I’m getting tired of talking to him about these issues and feel like I should leave.. but he always pulls me back in with promises of marriage. Tell me if Im going overboard or being too nit picky.. I’m back and forth. Thanks!
After two years it sounds like this man has no real connections to you and you don't have connections to his family or child - you are nowhere near ready for marriage even though you feel "enough time has passed".
Even your first comment about him being great physically but not otherwise was enough to tell me that neither of you are emotionally in a place for marriage (to each other, anyway!). Find another guy....
After two years it sounds like this man has no real connections to you and you don't have connections to his family or child - you are nowhere near ready for marriage even though you feel "enough time has passed".
Even your first comment about him being great physically but not otherwise was enough to tell me that neither of you are emotionally in a place for marriage (to each other, anyway!). Find another guy....
Well said... That’s the root cause of my frustration. I feel that we have no real connection and have wasted my time after 2 years but he feels that everything is going well. And you are right.. I’ve ended the relationship and on the path to healing now.
You said he got a great job and a new place. I think you should ask him why the "great job" doesn't pay him enough to buy/own a car, or at the very least--to go on a vacation. Really? He can't afford a vacation? Where is his money going? If you two have discussed marriage, you need to know what his money management skills are like, which involves asking where he's allocating his income.
Some of it may be going to his kids. Maybe that's why he can't afford a vacation or a car. If the truth is, that he's stretched thin due to child support, you need to ask yourself, if that's the kind of scenario you want to marry into. Would you be ok with buying him a car, or paying for a vacation for both of you? There's nothing wrong with that, if you can afford it.
Assuming you want to stay with him, after this thread is finished...
Well said... That’s the root cause of my frustration. I feel that we have no real connection and have wasted my time after 2 years but he feels that everything is going well. And you are right..[b] I’ve ended the relationship and on the path to healing now.
Good decision! Consider not putting 2 years into another relationship that is not good for you.
Ruth that’s a great question and one I’ve asked myself and him. I’m aware of the business he’s in because I’m in the same business and he makes a lot of money. I’m not sure why he has continued to struggle with money. I’m a single mom and able to do quite well for myself in this business. One minute he says he’s saved a bit, then the next month he says he’s struggling. I’m thinking he’s either lying or spending his money on things he’s just not willing to divulge. That’s yet another red flag.
@SWFL_Native - I totally get the parenting part as I co-parent as well, but I don’t get chatting away in the middle of the night about non-emergencies - that just screams a lack of boundaries IMO
Not at all. His boundaries are different than yours, thats all. He's perfectly happy staying connected with them. And I dont see any indication he will change that. He's happy with it.
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