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That in and of itself is a red flag. Tell us again why you accept emotional crumbs from a man who won't introduce you to his family? What is he hiding from you (or is he hiding you from them, lest they reveal key tidbits of information)?
The fact that you mention his physical attractiveness in your initial post while downplaying his relative lack of other positive attributes is very telling as to why you tolerate being treated as an afterthought.
What are you getting out of your relationship with this man other than empty promises?
It wasn’t all about looks - from what I saw he seemed pretty loyal and consistent as far as communication, spending time and told me he loved me all the time - but our relationship never got past that “dating” phase into anything deeper and his actions didn’t match his words. After awhile, you want progress and that’s where we kept hitting a brick wall. And I learned from this that just because a person isn’t overtly abusive or nasty ... doesn’t mean there’s not some sort of emotional neglect or abuse going on.
It wasn’t all about looks - from what I saw he seemed pretty loyal and consistent as far as communication, spending time and told me he loved me all the time - but our relationship never got past that “dating” phase into anything deeper and his actions didn’t match his words. After awhile, you want progress and that’s where we kept hitting a brick wall. And I learned from this that just because a person isn’t overtly abusive or nasty ... doesn’t mean there’s not some sort of emotional neglect or abuse going on.
Yes! And I’ve ended it even though he is pleading with me to come back. Thank you all for giving me the strength! I’m no longer stuck in someone else’s timeline!!
It wasn’t all about looks - from what I saw he seemed pretty loyal and consistent as far as communication, spending time and told me he loved me all the time - but our relationship never got past that “dating” phase into anything deeper and his actions didn’t match his words. After awhile, you want progress and that’s where we kept hitting a brick wall. And I learned from this that just because a person isn’t overtly abusive or nasty ... doesn’t mean there’s not some sort of emotional neglect or abuse going on.
Ruth that’s a great question and one I’ve asked myself and him. I’m aware of the business he’s in because I’m in the same business and he makes a lot of money. I’m not sure why he has continued to struggle with money. I’m a single mom and able to do quite well for myself in this business. One minute he says he’s saved a bit, then the next month he says he’s struggling. I’m thinking he’s either lying or spending his money on things he’s just not willing to divulge. That’s yet another red flag.
I realize this is a moot point, now that you've ended the relationship (congrats, btw!), but there's got to be more to the story than this. There must be child support involved. If there isn't, then there's massive fiscal irresponsibility involved, it would seem: impulse buying, or something--perhaps gambling, or who knows what.
In any case, step back for a moment, and notice how just a few days ago, you were "tired of waiting" for the relationship to deepen, and were expressing frustrated hopes that it would progress to marriage. This, in spite of these indications, that he's either not good with money, or has monthly expenses he's not telling you about. One of the top two causes of divorce is differing money management styles; one partner is disciplined, the other is spendy. This match wouldn't have worked out anyway, because of that, not to mention everything else.
So my point is, the next time you find yourself in a relationship, instead of mushing on toward marriage for marriage's sake, evaluate the situation and your partner. Think: is this truly a good match, or are there some fundamental differences here, that won't work out long-term? You were overlooking a biggie. Learn from this, to avoid making a big mistake next time. He did you a favor in being so non-committal, btw.
Just out of curiosity, why was he weird about you staying the whole weekend?
I have no idea... I stayed Saturday night and when Sunday morning came I wanted to go out for breakfast or get some groceries and cook.. he said he wasn’t hungry and then asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day . I took that as my cue to leave. I then told him I wish we could’ve spent the day together, and he agreed. When I got home he sent me a text saying he was sorry about me leaving but that was the only day he had off and he just wanted to relax and veg out. Well why couldn’t we do that together? I thought it was strange! Needless to say I didn’t push the issue anymore after that. He just got this new place in December and Ive only stayed over twice.
In any case, step back for a moment, and notice how just a few days ago, you were "tired of waiting" for the relationship to deepen, and were expressing frustrated hopes that it would progress to marriage. This, in spite of these indications, that he's either not good with money, or has monthly expenses he's not telling you about. One of the top two causes of divorce is differing money management styles; one partner is disciplined, the other is spendy. This match wouldn't have worked out anyway, because of that, not to mention everything else.
So my point is, the next time you find yourself in a relationship, instead of mushing on toward marriage for marriage's sake, evaluate the situation and your partner. Think: is this truly a good match, or are there some fundamental differences here, that won't work out long-term? You were overlooking a biggie. Learn from this, to avoid making a big mistake next time. He did you a favor in being so non-committal, btw.
This is indeed fact! I wanted more of a commitment from him before starting to get in detail about finances but it was something I thought about with me having investments and him coming to the table with questionable financial practices... believe me I noticed a pattern and it all started to become a concern at the end. He works in sales where sometimes money is up and down but 2 good months should get you a pretty good nest egg to prepare for those down times.
I have no idea... I stayed Saturday night and when Sunday morning came I wanted to go out for breakfast or get some groceries and cook.. he said he wasn’t hungry and then asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day . I took that as my cue to leave. I then told him I wish we could’ve spent the day together, and he agreed. When I got home he sent me a text saying he was sorry about me leaving but that was the only day he had off and he just wanted to relax and veg out. Well why couldn’t we do that together? I thought it was strange! Needless to say I didn’t push the issue anymore after that. He just got this new place in December and Ive only stayed over twice.
So you guys were together for two years and never spent a whole day together?
Was he staying over your place since December?
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. I took that as my cue to leave. I then told him I wish we could’ve spent the day together, and he agreed. When I got home he sent me a text saying he was sorry about me leaving but that was the only day he had off and he just wanted to relax and veg out. Well why couldn’t we do that together? I thought it was strange! Needless to say I didn’t push the issue anymore after that. He just got this new place in December and Ive only stayed over twice.
