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Here's the thing. Ultimately the OP is going to have to simply say, "I am not moving to California," and let the chips fall where they may.
OP, that means consequences, no matter how you slice it. Because either he says, "Fine, have a nice life," or he resents you for the rest of your marriage together. The third option, the one where he accepts this and forgets his entire dream. This is the least likely of the three scenarios.
I'm not harshing on California. I travel there a lot on biz and it's a great place in a lot of ways. The weather's fantastic on the coast and the scenery is beautiful. So I can totally understand the attraction. But California has some deep-seated problems, mostly self-imposed, that have made it a challenging place to move. The high cost of living makes it especially tough for a young couple starting out unless one of you is a bang-up tech person. There's a reason why there has been such middle-class flight from the state over the past ten or so years. Demographers actually have a word for what's going on there: The Hollowing Out.
So unfortunately, you are the linchpin in all this. If your husband only has middling career prospects, it might be that he's not tethered to reality with this move. And it's up to you to be the adult in this situation. However, if he is indeed a world-beater in his career and gets a really good offer, you might need to make the move for a few years and see how you like it.
OP, I'm questioning feeling claustrophobic from mountains. Really? Is that a thing? Elevators, yes. MRI machines, of course. Plane seats? Who doesn't? But mountains?
Is he talking about a temporary move, as in 2-3 years? There should be some compromise if that's the case. If not, and he's moving to make more money - does he not realize he'll be spending it, and more, living in California?
Couples face this situation all the time. You really have to weigh everything and make a decision based on factors that haven't even been mentioned, so it almost sounds like he's doing this on a whim and you're pushing back with a knee jerk reaction.
A move should involve much more than, 'I want to' and 'I don't want to.'
OP, I'm questioning feeling claustrophobic from mountains. Really? Is that a thing? Elevators, yes. MRI machines, of course. Plane seats? Who doesn't? But mountains?
Is he talking about a temporary move, as in 2-3 years? There should be some compromise if that's the case. If not, and he's moving to make more money - does he not realize he'll be spending it, and more, living in California?
Couples face this situation all the time. You really have to weigh everything and make a decision based on factors that haven't even been mentioned, so it almost sounds like he's doing this on a whim and you're pushing back with a knee jerk reaction.
A move should involve much more than, 'I want to' and 'I don't want to.'
I live in the South, in the foothills of the Appalachians. A woman I worked with was from west Texas, a landscape as flat as a fritter. She always said the same thing.
I live in the South, in the foothills of the Appalachians. A woman I worked with was from west Texas, a landscape as flat as a fritter. She always said the same thing.
I honestly don't understand how people can feel claustrophobic from mountains, and be able to sit in any room.
I honestly don't understand how people can feel claustrophobic from mountains, and be able to sit in any room.
She felt the same way about trees. If you live in the South the trees are tall and they are everywhere. The way she explained it, in that part of Texas you could literally see miles and miles. But I understand your point.
She felt the same way about trees. If you live in the South the trees are tall and they are everywhere. The way she explained it, in that part of Texas you could literally see miles and miles. But I understand your point.
Most people on the Navajo Nation feel that way about trees. When they go to the Northwest, or anyplace with big tall trees, they feel hemmed in "Too many trees! You can't see the sky!", they wail. Most of the Southwest is Big Sky country.
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I honestly don't understand how people can feel claustrophobic from mountains, and be able to sit in any room.
I have a Swiss friend, who gets really tired of being hemmed in by mountains, much more closely than in LA. Little villages in tiny, narrow valleys walled in by massive Alps. Every year, she takes her vacation to a part of the world that is huge, wide-open spaces. One year, Mongolia, including the Gobi Desert. Another year, a vast high plateau in Tibet. I wouldn't be surprised, if she's been to the Kalahari in southern Africa. She really needs that outlet.
She felt the same way about trees. If you live in the South the trees are tall and they are everywhere. The way she explained it, in that part of Texas you could literally see miles and miles. But I understand your point.
Funny, I have family come to visit from Texas who said the same thing about mountains- they are used to seeing off everywhere. I am actually the opposite. As I have always lived in places with mountains I feel weird not seeing them.
She felt the same way about trees. If you live in the South the trees are tall and they are everywhere. The way she explained it, in that part of Texas you could literally see miles and miles. But I understand your point.
That kind of makes more sense to me though because trees can feel like they're on top of you. I've been on patios where there's so much shrubbery and so many trees around it that you do feel like you're in an enclosed room.
Which brings me back to that room thing....lol. I've known two people who were claustrophobic. One of them lives in a state with mountains all over the place and the other used to visit a state with mountains all over the place as a favorite vacation spot. But I suppose everyone is different.
Funny, I have family come to visit from Texas who said the same thing about mountains- they are used to seeing off everywhere. I am actually the opposite. As I have always lived in places with mountains I feel weird not seeing them.
As someone who lives in a flat state with tall buildings everywhere, I love driving on highway where you can see off into the distance for miles. I get that part - I just don't get the claustrophobia from mountains thing.
As someone who lives in a flat state with tall buildings everywhere, I love driving on highway where you can see off into the distance for miles. I get that part - I just don't get the claustrophobia from mountains thing.
Right, I don't either.
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