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We hear in the news all the time about sexual predators, but 90% (just a guess, not an actual statistic) or so of those cases involve violence and control/abuse of their victims. But does that alone determine who is a sexual predator? No! There are many sexual predators out there that are going unpunished and their victims stay silent because they weren’t physically assaulted nor were they controlled/abused but they were manipulated. I am a victim of a manipulative sexual predator and here’s my story.
January 2018 I met a man at my place of employment. He was sweet, funny, and awkward. He had a friend/acquaintance of his ask me if I was seeing anyone and at the time I wasn’t nor was I interested in dating. Fast forward a few months and that same man had tried getting with a few of my coworkers but none of them took the bait so to speak but as I often saw him at work while on a smoke break I would talk to him and we became confidants of sorts... I had started seeing someone as a friends with benefits situation that was getting out of hand (more like a stalker) and would talk to the man about it. Upon his suggestion, I ended that “relationship” only to start the same type of relationship up with him on November 11th, 2018.
As our friends with benefits arrangement continued we started dating. And after less than 6 months of dating he started manipulating me by telling me he was thinking of marriage, moving in together, and starting a family with me and that’s when I fell in love with him. I fell so hard in fact, that on the day of our 6 month “anniversary” I proposed to him and he said yes. That bliss however was short lived though as he decided we were moving too fast because I wanted to meet his family and tell them we were engaged since I thought we were going to get married. But he made it clear to me that he still wanted to get married and start a family just not tell his family as they would disapprove... according to him his family had high standards and I wouldn’t meet those standards.
Fast forward to January 31st, 2020 after a few break-ups (one in particular was because he was toying with his ex telling her he would leave me for her) and getting back together we talked in length about trying to have a baby together. I told him at several points in our relationship that it wasn’t impossible for me to have children but it was highly improbable and he told me several times that he couldn’t father children. But, we had agreed to at least try and try we did several times that weekend and the following two weekends. On February 23rd, 2020 I went to the ER due to a really bad bronchitis flare up where we both were told I was pregnant. I personally was excited and overjoyed but he had a completely different reaction... he acted as if the world was ending. So, I gave him a few weeks to adjust to the fact that he was going to be a father and on March 11th, 2020 he met up with me at the ER again because I thought I was having a miscarriage due to work... my boss had me dumpster dive (knowing Iwas pregnant) for a $100 lotto ticket that wasn’t input in the system correctly and as soon as I landed in the dumpster I felt a very painful tearing sensation in my abdomen. While we were waiting in the ER he told me that if I did miscarry we could always try again, but thankfully I didn’t miscarry and simply pulled an abdominal muscle.
A week or so later he called me all excited saying he figured out the solution to our “problem”... put the baby up for adoption. Now, in my opinion the only problem we had was the fact that he was trying to hide the pregnancy from his family. And after he told me to put the baby up for adoption I made sure that wasn’t a problem anymore... I broke up with him and briefly explained the situation to his landlady/pseudo mom so she could keep an eye on him as he tends to get depressed when he’s been dumped.
Now you’re probably wondering what about this story makes him a sexual predator and here it is. After we broke up he stopped talking to me for a while and suddenly started talking to me again. He told me he had been forbidden by his family to have any communication with me and that he was on lockdown by his verbally and mentally abusive landlord and landlady per his families instructions but that he still loved me. He also told me he had no access to his tax refund to get food & cigarettes and he even went as far as to tell me he was considering suicide because of how he was being treated. So because I still loved him and believed him I would help him out financially via my cardless ATM access so he could get $20 from my bank account for what he needed. After he got what he wanted from me he would go back to giving me the silent treatment for a little while and repeat his manipulation tactics. He kept doing that a few more times... occasionally “sneaking” out to meet up with me to get what he wanted.
And I recently found out (last night) that he’s with another woman now playing the same game with her that he did with me... making her believe that he wants to marry her and such (he’s only been seeing her a few months at most) while still telling me he loves me, just like he did with his previous ex while we were together. I did warn his landlady that he’s praying on his new girlfriend/fiance now so that she might be able to warn the new girlfriend/fiance before she too ends up pregnant, and the landlady confirmed that he’s a lying piece of **** that manipulates women for sex, rides to friends, and money and that’s pretty much all he cares about. And if that isn’t a sexual predator then what is?
We as women, deserve justice when it comes to sexual predators like him and for the most part we don’t get that because those who punish sexual predators don’t punish his type because he’s not violent nor controlling/abusive and they don’t see the pattern due to most women not reporting it. It shouldn’t take a pattern to punish them. And sadly, I doubt I will get my justice since he was only a lying manipulative bastard and he’s good at keeping his exes from feeling like victims... I probably wouldn’t have thought of myself as a victim if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I do intend to file a report with the Oclawaha Police Departments at some point today but like I said, I doubt I will get any justice for myself. So, I am asking that my story be told for other women to hear and possibly learn they are not alone and have the right regardless of the outcome to seek justice against their own sexual predators.
That's not a sexual predator. Sounds like he's just a piece of ****.
As for you, well... I'll keep my comments to myself, other than the fact that you don't particularly sound like a winner yourself. What exactly are you going to complain to the police about? That he broke your heart? That he's a womanizer?
Not to mention, "we as women?"
These behaviors seem FAR more common in women than they are in men.
Last edited by kibblenbitz; 04-22-2020 at 12:27 PM..
We hear in the news all the time about sexual predators, but 90% (just a guess, not an actual statistic) or so of those cases involve violence and control/abuse of their victims. But does that alone determine who is a sexual predator? No! There are many sexual predators out there that are going unpunished and their victims stay silent because they weren’t physically assaulted nor were they controlled/abused but they were manipulated. I am a victim of a manipulative sexual predator and here’s my story.
January 2018 I met a man at my place of employment. He was sweet, funny, and awkward. He had a friend/acquaintance of his ask me if I was seeing anyone and at the time I wasn’t nor was I interested in dating. Fast forward a few months and that same man had tried getting with a few of my coworkers but none of them took the bait so to speak but as I often saw him at work while on a smoke break I would talk to him and we became confidants of sorts... I had started seeing someone as a friends with benefits situation that was getting out of hand (more like a stalker) and would talk to the man about it. Upon his suggestion, I ended that “relationship” only to start the same type of relationship up with him on November 11th, 2018.
As our friends with benefits arrangement continued we started dating. And after less than 6 months of dating he started manipulating me by telling me he was thinking of marriage, moving in together, and starting a family with me and that’s when I fell in love with him. I fell so hard in fact, that on the day of our 6 month “anniversary” I proposed to him and he said yes. That bliss however was short lived though as he decided we were moving too fast because I wanted to meet his family and tell them we were engaged since I thought we were going to get married. But he made it clear to me that he still wanted to get married and start a family just not tell his family as they would disapprove... according to him his family had high standards and I wouldn’t meet those standards.
Fast forward to January 31st, 2020 after a few break-ups (one in particular was because he was toying with his ex telling her he would leave me for her) and getting back together we talked in length about trying to have a baby together. I told him at several points in our relationship that it wasn’t impossible for me to have children but it was highly improbable and he told me several times that he couldn’t father children. But, we had agreed to at least try and try we did several times that weekend and the following two weekends. On February 23rd, 2020 I went to the ER due to a really bad bronchitis flare up where we both were told I was pregnant. I personally was excited and overjoyed but he had a completely different reaction... he acted as if the world was ending. So, I gave him a few weeks to adjust to the fact that he was going to be a father and on March 11th, 2020 he met up with me at the ER again because I thought I was having a miscarriage due to work... my boss had me dumpster dive (knowing Iwas pregnant) for a $100 lotto ticket that wasn’t input in the system correctly and as soon as I landed in the dumpster I felt a very painful tearing sensation in my abdomen. While we were waiting in the ER he told me that if I did miscarry we could always try again, but thankfully I didn’t miscarry and simply pulled an abdominal muscle.
A week or so later he called me all excited saying he figured out the solution to our “problem”... put the baby up for adoption. Now, in my opinion the only problem we had was the fact that he was trying to hide the pregnancy from his family. And after he told me to put the baby up for adoption I made sure that wasn’t a problem anymore... I broke up with him and briefly explained the situation to his landlady/pseudo mom so she could keep an eye on him as he tends to get depressed when he’s been dumped.
Now you’re probably wondering what about this story makes him a sexual predator and here it is. After we broke up he stopped talking to me for a while and suddenly started talking to me again. He told me he had been forbidden by his family to have any communication with me and that he was on lockdown by his verbally and mentally abusive landlord and landlady per his families instructions but that he still loved me. He also told me he had no access to his tax refund to get food & cigarettes and he even went as far as to tell me he was considering suicide because of how he was being treated. So because I still loved him and believed him I would help him out financially via my cardless ATM access so he could get $20 from my bank account for what he needed. After he got what he wanted from me he would go back to giving me the silent treatment for a little while and repeat his manipulation tactics. He kept doing that a few more times... occasionally “sneaking” out to meet up with me to get what he wanted.
And I recently found out (last night) that he’s with another woman now playing the same game with her that he did with me... making her believe that he wants to marry her and such (he’s only been seeing her a few months at most) while still telling me he loves me, just like he did with his previous ex while we were together. I did warn his landlady that he’s praying on his new girlfriend/fiance now so that she might be able to warn the new girlfriend/fiance before she too ends up pregnant, and the landlady confirmed that he’s a lying piece of **** that manipulates women for sex, rides to friends, and money and that’s pretty much all he cares about. And if that isn’t a sexual predator then what is?
We as women, deserve justice when it comes to sexual predators like him and for the most part we don’t get that because those who punish sexual predators don’t punish his type because he’s not violent nor controlling/abusive and they don’t see the pattern due to most women not reporting it. It shouldn’t take a pattern to punish them. And sadly, I doubt I will get my justice since he was only a lying manipulative bastard and he’s good at keeping his exes from feeling like victims... I probably wouldn’t have thought of myself as a victim if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I do intend to file a report with the Oclawaha Police Departments at some point today but like I said, I doubt I will get any justice for myself. So, I am asking that my story be told for other women to hear and possibly learn they are not alone and have the right regardless of the outcome to seek justice against their own sexual predators.
After all of that, including a jarring pregnancy miscarriage, and your still vying for this guy? All because he has sex with you? You seem more like a sexual predator that he does. Either way, neither of you qualify. You didn't love him. This is not love. Love is...
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
This is so so crazy yet seems real. Please please have some respect for yourself. Don't treat your body like a trash can allowing anyone to put any dirty thing inside it they want to. Best to get tested for STD's. Consider this a warning to heed if you get out of it healthy. Be appreciative of that. Just reading about this is scary.
Start loving yourself enough not to believe you can keep a boyfriend. You are worth it. Whatever hobby you like, met others there as friends. Don't date. Or start a meetup group maybe. Board Games, anything positive. Attend a bible based church. After a year or so, if you both have been spending time together, see where that goes. Advance to go to coffee together. Graduate to dating then slowly, marriage. Love takes TIME to develop, strong feelings do not. They come and go. Best of luck to you
The guy seems to be a jerk. But, report him to the police? For what?
I'm actually a sex offender probation officer. I deal with real sexual predators. He sounds extremely manipulative and controlling, and also extremely self centered. But, report him to the police? For what? Seriously?
You have a warped sense of reality.
Use this as a learning experience. But, there are "users" of both sexes. He was one of those. Even if he was emotionally abusive, that doesn't equate to a crime the police investigate - not unless there are some other things going on.
Work on yourself so you don't fall into such a codependent relationship again. Work on your self esteem. If you don't, you'll just fall for the wrong guy again. Picture in your mind - what real love looks like. It sure doesn't look like what you described.
Nowhere in your post did you say he abused you physically or sexually. He didn't force himself on you. You were not a minor (under aged) when this happened. What exactly will reporting him to the police accomplish? There is no crime.
Point one, he is not a sexual predator and if you believe that you truly have warped perceptions, and a hefty sense of self, given your own proclivities.
Point two, nails are meant to be hammered. If you don't like getting hammered don't be a nail.
Your ex was/is not a sexual predator, but a garden-variety user and player. You have no business wasting police time and perhaps giving your ex-boyfriend an arrest record for sexual crimes that he did not commit. Calling yourself a victim of sex crimes at the hands your ex is an insult to those men and women who have been sexually abused. B.S. like this discredits those who already have an uphill battle when it comes to trying to bring their abusers to justice. It's shameful to paint yourself a victim of sexual predation.
To deliberately try to bring a child into what was already a world of drama and instability (you had, by your own admission, broken up several times before attempting to conceive) was unconscionable. What did you mean by making sure that your pregnancy was "no longer a problem" after he told you to give your unborn child up for adoption? If you did what I assume you did, why on earth did you keep this guy around? Loan him money for cigarettes? Keep letting him use you for a convenient booty call?
At worst, your ex took advantage of your lack of will and the inability to say "no" when most women with any sense would have kicked him to the curb and permanently lost his number.
I sincerely hope that you learned a valuable life lesson from these experiences with your ex and can now move forward to making better choices when it comes to selecting a partner. You have value and can do better than a man like your ex.
Not a sexual predator and naming him as such diminishes the real pain of women, children, and men that have been victims of a sexual predator.
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) was unconscionable. What did you mean by making sure that your pregnancy was "no longer a problem" after he told you to give your unborn child up for adoption? If you did what I assume you did, why on earth did you keep this guy around? Loan him money for cigarettes? Keep letting him use you for a convenient booty call? 