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So I started this relationship 7 yrs ago. On the pretense, yes, if after 1 or 2 yr's we're still great, we'll get married and do it as a family. He said yes.
I wasn't looking at that time. In fact was done with men! I was prepared to be alone the rest of my life. We met and fell in love....Otherwise, I"d not given him the time of day. I was the realtor he was the customer...
Then I was 38, With a girl in 7th grade and a boy just starting preschool.
I was on a starting over on a new life and new career at that time NOT looking and broke! Just getting back on my feet so to say after a divorce.
Long story short, I'm now 45. Girl, 20 with a baby (I have him, 3 now) and son in 6th grade and I'm with same guy. (The one I was supposed to marry). I assumed.
I had imagined our relationship of marriage as family, married and doing the whole family thing together. We're both older, and would get older together. I put all of me into the relationship with him.
I fell in love with a semi retired guy much older than me. His kids grown and gone. Dahhhh. Dumb me. I still have the growing kids and not gone yet.
He loves me, I love him. He's great, I'm great.
We never got married because :
\
It was, daugther too old. Wait for her to get older... son too young, wait for him to get older. Then, I'm not settled into making good money yet, wait for my career to make me money, wait for me to own my own home, wait for me to get settled in my job and steady income,I'm traveling too much and / but QUIT, because my boss is a crook now and I need to start my own business. I did, and started my own business, own my own home, daughter older, son older, made lots of money! Damn! Lots of money! BUT now daughter had a son. Yikes! Now it's WAIT for my grandson to go away. Till he's 22. He's 3 now. Daugther and Dad abondended him, other family not taking responsibility, he has me.
I'm now 45, 46 this year. Boyfriend will be 60 in Jan. He has a beautiful home surrounded by forest. He's a builder and can tweak things to his liking. Me, I'm a single mom trying to get breakfast done, ironing done and wish to god I had grass to water, at my paid off home but I need someone to plant it and wish I had doors to cover my washer and dryer!
If I need something done, I hire someone. They screw me to the wall because I'm a real estate person, so rich to afford it. So now, I just don't don't get things done. My house is falling apart.
You know? I love my guy. I've asked from time to time for just a promise ring. Just a promise we'd marry Some Day. Don't get me wrong, he's a considerate guy or I'd not be with him, but damn! Something is missing. At year 6 he gave me a ring. It was, you know? I was going to throw this away, I have NO idea where it came from. Do you want it? (a ring) Today, I'm thinking, that ring meant nothing to him, today, it means nothing to me. I took it off.
There was a really hot guy last winter that wanted to marry me. Family and all. It happens in my business. I was not inst. but it brought back to the fore front, you know? Right now, I'm hot and off the market. I'm not looking for someone else, but you know? By the time my life is PERFECT for my love, I'll be 55 and he'll be 70! Now we're getting into a age diff!
Do I stay off the market until he's 70 and I'm no longer hot? so to speak?
Wait and take the chance then , ok, we can get married? Ok, by then I have breast cancer or need hip surgery? Then wait again?
Maybe my life still wont' be perfect, wait some more? By then I'm ready to throw in the towel and move on. By then why?
AT that point who the hell would want me I wonder?
We crossed this bridge a few months ago. I layed everything and more on the line with him. Of course, then it was great. Oh Yeah, it's me and you babe! A few months later, we're back to status quo.
I live here, him there. Come on over babe when you can! We'll get serious when the baby is gone!~ He don't come here because the baby makes him crazy. I have his house key for the first time in years. I've never needed it. Want to give it back. What the hell do I have it for? 7 years I've never needed his house key.
We have so much history together. But my whole idea of why I got into this realtionship 7 years ago was because I thought it would be US and history for then on. Not our life, his life, then my life with kids.
Not my struggles while he watches and waits and watches. That we'd be making history together.
I'm emotionally detaching from him. Today's excuse is because of the baby.
He's not going to raise another baby. Fine. But, would things have been diff. had we married before the baby? Before teen daugther had him? What's next?
So for anyone that took the time to read all this, your input please?
Why should he buy the cow, if he's getting the milk for free?
He's made it perfectly clear that he isn't going to marry you, so since you can't even get him to fix the doors on your laundry room, what's the relationship doing for you?
You seem prone to being used by people, since now you are stuck raising a child your daughter should be taking responsibility for. Stop letting others take your power away.
You cannot be faulted for hoping for a good relationship with this guy, but after a year or so with no wedding, you should have cut him loose. Don't waste any more of your life.
Why should he buy the cow, if he's getting the milk for free?
He's made it perfectly clear that he isn't going to marry you, so since you can't even get him to fix the doors on your laundry room, what's the relationship doing for you?
You seem prone to being used by people, since now you are stuck raising a child your daughter should be taking responsibility for. Stop letting others take your power away.
You cannot be faulted for hoping for a good relationship with this guy, but after a year or so with no wedding, you should have cut him loose. Don't waste any more of your life.
I agree.
Keeperk, this man is not going to marry you! You'll either stay with him on his terms or he'll mysteriously vanish into thin air.
I dont hold out much hope that you'll dismiss him because your still in the "Love Zone". Excuse after excuse.............if marriage is important to you........it's time to lay down the law and stick with it! Why should he change? he's gotten away with it for soo long. Personally I'd rid myself of this misery, as without saying any words.........his actions alone say Your Not Good Enough! I say Adios Little Man!
Reading your post made me wonder what you are waiting for? The man has told you by word and deed he is not ready to commit. Excuses are just words with no action behind them. Do you WANT to continue to wait for him?To say your life is just right now we can be together. Don't hold your breath waiting for this to happen. My thought is he will continue to make excuses.
Why should he buy the cow, if he's getting the milk for free?
He's made it perfectly clear that he isn't going to marry you, so since you can't even get him to fix the doors on your laundry room, what's the relationship doing for you?
You seem prone to being used by people, since now you are stuck raising a child your daughter should be taking responsibility for. Stop letting others take your power away.
You cannot be faulted for hoping for a good relationship with this guy, but after a year or so with no wedding, you should have cut him loose. Don't waste any more of your life.
Perfect answer post.
If dudes propose to you in your business (guess there is a realtor fetish or something?) then you must still have some hot stuff and some things going for you. This guy won't ever commit to you.. Might as well see what someone else can bring into your life!
I'm surprised you've been with him this long. He obviously does not want or even like to be around kids, or so it sounds. You have kids and are now raising your grandchild.
I give you credit for raising your grandchild. Was adoption ever mentioned to your daughter? I do not suggest it now, the boy is probably like your own. I would probably do the same thing.
Anyway, back to the problem.
I have to agree that he doesn't need to buy the cow because he gets the milk for free. Sounds like it's been the perfect "relationship" for him. He doesn't even offer you help at your house and he is a builder. That alone should tell you something. If he cared, he'd send one of his guys over to do things for you. When you love someone, you want to help them when they are in need; not turn your head.
You obviously do not need this man, so what is the real reason you put up with it?
Yea, he wont be marrying you.. you are basically prolonging reality. Drop him, he will never marry you.. it sounds like he has given you more excuses then you can shake a stick at.. and the funny thing is.. you have met all of them.. and when you meet them he adds new ones...
The addage .. why pay for the cow.. when the milk is free is a good one in this situation. It is harsh but the reality.. drop him like a loser that he is..
Well, say you do wait for several more years and he finally marrys you. Then you have the hip replacement or breast cancer as you say. Would that mean he'd ditch you? There seems to be conditions placed on this relationship and that's not a healthy place for your body, mind, or soul. You need to cut the strings attached to him and allow yourself to focus on your needs. It will hurt, but so does being in this so called relationship.
Yes I would say this person is not the right one for you. I'll leave it at that for the time being.
I wish you well
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