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Some other broad observations. First if you are an introvert, focus your dating efforts on women who are also introverts, when you finally do get into a relationship, dating someone who has a similar level of extroversion or introversion makes it easier to find activities you both like doing together as a couple.
Second, realize that introversion will be a bit of a handicap at the getting women to agree to go out on dates with you part of dating, its a huge advantage once you actually are doing something one on one with her. In order to get a woman to agree to date you, she is going to want to get to know you, the vast inner dialogue that introverts have where they spend more time thinking about things tends to make you a more interesting person to talk with when you start revealing more aspects of your self.
Some other broad observations. First if you are an introvert, focus your dating efforts on women who are also introverts.
Ive never really isolated introverts or extroverts, but may be you’re right.
[/quote]Second, realize that introversion will be a bit of a handicap at the getting women to agree to go out on dates with you part of dating[/quote]
I’ve definitely felt this. 5 dates in 3ish years (recent pandemic issues aside) isn’t exactly a great statistic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than not trying. It just feels like I need practice. Problem is I need to go on more dates to get comfortable, but each date is far from the last that it’s an extremely slow process. At least, that’s how it feels regarding my social skills.
@fleetiebelle I do have friends that I talk to. It’s easy once I’m actually friends with people, I’m struggling with the making new connections part because it takes a really long time for me.
I am reading about improv. It makes sense in my head, but we’ll see what happens in practice. Once the pandemic ends, I hopefully I can get out there and try. Thank you for the suggestion, @moongirl00!
Ive never really isolated introverts or extroverts, but may be you’re right.
Second, realize that introversion will be a bit of a handicap at the getting women to agree to go out on dates with you part of dating[/quote]
I’ve definitely felt this. 5 dates in 3ish years (recent pandemic issues aside) isn’t exactly a great statistic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than not trying. It just feels like I need practice. Problem is I need to go on more dates to get comfortable, but each date is far from the last that it’s an extremely slow process. At least, that’s how it feels regarding my social skills.
@fleetiebelle I do have friends that I talk to. It’s easy once I’m actually friends with people, I’m struggling with the making new connections part because it takes a really long time for me.
I am reading about improv. It makes sense in my head, but we’ll see what happens in practice. Once the pandemic ends, I hopefully I can get out there and try. Thank you for the suggestion, @moongirl00![/quote]
First there is a difference between being an introvert and being shy. Introversion has to do with whether you gain or lose energy in the presence of other people. Introversion has to do with sensitivity to dopamine. Generally you can't change this disposition that much.
Shyness or social anxiety is more of the fear of an adverse social judgement. I personally am introverted, but not shy at all. If you are shy generally the preferred treatment is exposure therapy. So if you have some anxiety about dating the best way to overcome that is exposure therapy. If you have done any speed dating, it would be really good for just personal growth.
Also one other thing I would consider try to restructure your life to do things in a more social manner. If before you were getting exercise by going to the gym, pick an activity that is more social, that you would enjoy where it would be socially appropriate to meet and get to know them, so you can either ask them out or to have these people introduce to people they think would be a good match. So if you think you might like Tango, try that out if you might like training for a marathon, check out team in training, or maybe go to cross fit or take horseback riding lessons, but pick activities that you might enjoy that would make you a more interesting person, where you can just be more social.
Ask yourself this question, in the past week how many hours did I spend in activities where you could meet new people?
Second, realize that introversion will be a bit of a handicap at the getting women to agree to go out on dates with you part of dating
I’ve definitely felt this. 5 dates in 3ish years (recent pandemic issues aside) isn’t exactly a great statistic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than not trying. It just feels like I need practice. Problem is I need to go on more dates to get comfortable, but each date is far from the last that it’s an extremely slow process. At least, that’s how it feels regarding my social skills.
@fleetiebelle I do have friends that I talk to. It’s easy once I’m actually friends with people, I’m struggling with the making new connections part because it takes a really long time for me.
I am reading about improv. It makes sense in my head, but we’ll see what happens in practice. Once the pandemic ends, I hopefully I can get out there and try. Thank you for the suggestion, @moongirl00![/quote]
First there is a difference between being an introvert and being shy. Introversion has to do with whether you gain or lose energy in the presence of other people. Introversion has to do with sensitivity to dopamine. Generally you can't change this disposition that much.
Shyness or social anxiety is more of the fear of an adverse social judgement. I personally am introverted, but not shy at all. If you are shy generally the preferred treatment is exposure therapy. So if you have some anxiety about dating the best way to overcome that is exposure therapy. If you have done any speed dating, it would be really good for just personal growth.
Also one other thing I would consider try to restructure your life to do things in a more social manner. If before you were getting exercise by going to the gym, pick an activity that is more social, that you would enjoy where it would be socially appropriate to meet and get to know them, so you can either ask them out or to have these people introduce to people they think would be a good match. So if you think you might like Tango, try that out if you might like training for a marathon, check out team in training, or maybe go to cross fit or take horseback riding lessons, but pick activities that you might enjoy that would make you a more interesting person, where you can just be more social.
Ask yourself this question, in the past week how many hours did I spend in activities where you could meet new people?[/quote]
These are all great suggestions. I often find myself asking, how many times have I spent doing something social.
Usually, it's almost none.
But I am getting better at it. There was a time (2 years ago) when I went 2 weeks without saying a word (my job was very isolated and email based plus I lived by myself)...
I'd say I'm more shy than introverted. And all of this has started to make more sense in the last month or so, upon reflection.
I'm excited to get out there again and just waiting for this quarantine to end so that I can.
If your social skill need work generally its much easier to improve them with same sex friends. With guys, there is no sexual agenda, so its usually easier to learn how to banter and joke around with guys. If you act but hurt around guys, you will lose social status, but you can also learn and watch how to tease and playfully mock your friends to change their minds and that skill was readily transferable to women.
I'm pretty good at this with people but occasionally, I come across people that I just can't connect with. I'm not sure what the difference is but I feel like all of my words are being judged, it's hard to come up with subject matter to discuss, etc.
What I realized is that it's when they are nervous and have no sense of humor (or appear not to). It instantly makes things awkward. Humor is used to keep conversations light and moving along and it bonds people.
However, if I put myself in their shoes where they might see me as intimidating, or they're just super nervous, they might not be able to lighten up enough to recognize a joke or recognize the humor in a situation or discussion.
What's the solution? You need to take the pressure off yourself. You're probably getting too uptight about wanting everything to go well that you come across as too serious, unfriendly or uninterested. So instead of setting up formal dates where it's just you and the other person with all the We Are In A Date pressure, try meeting people casually. The best way is to volunteer for something you are passionate about. Animal shelter, homeless shelter, coaching a kid sport, museums, roller coaster enthusiasts, whatever your thing is. Get involved in their online forums and chats and communicate constantly, learning the mood of the group, etc. If they have gatherings, go to them, but with no agenda other than talking to people with similar interests. Or if you're volunteering, go to the meetings, fundraisers etc. That's how banter develops. When people get excited about a good cause or shared interest, their guard is down & friendships naturally develop. Out of that, someone will stand out and that's when you casually invite them to get something to eat afterwards, all casual. Banter will come easily then because you'll have common interests, inside jokes!
Tldr: volunteer or join a group where the people share the same interests as you, meet people casually, improve social skills & banter will follow.
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