Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hello,
I am a male in his mid 30s, based in France. I have been into online dating for about three months now. I got a reasonable weekly number of matches on a few dating apps, and went on dates with about twenty girls and women, both younger and older than me.
Unfortunately, I am quite frustrated with the fact that, whenever I run into someone that I am interested in and who shows some interest in me, I run into the same pattern:
- We have two (or three) dates which appear to flow well and naturally to me
- We kiss multiple times on the last date
- She slowly disappears over text messages in the few days after the last date
I am aware that this may be due to factors that are independent of me (other guys that she is dating at the same time, ex boyfriends who come back, etc). However, this is a recurrent pattern, and I wonder whether there is something in my behavior that is causing this, and making these girls run away.
I know that this is extremely hard to tell, because you were not there during the dates, but I would like to ask you:
- how can I find and single out the 'cause(s)' of this and work on them?
- did this happen to any of you, and how did you manage to fix it?
Please help!
Thank you!
Last edited by pierre_84; 05-31-2020 at 04:48 PM..
No seriously though last example of that for me was last Sunday.
It happens, and in my experience it seems to happen more like this if I manage to look better at the dates, my theory is that if she is physically attracted to the guy she'll go along with kissing etc, and if she didn't feel a connection she breaks it off later, while if the guy isn't pulling off the looks well, they'll just ghost after the first date or already in the messages.
A few women will actually text and say "hey I didn't feel we had a spark sorry" or something, which is something like a nice rarity of honesty and backbone these days I guess.
Edit; one thing you could do if you aren't compeltely ghosted, but they leave a "thx, no thx" note, is to ask them, in a nice way to please be honest because you had a similar experience and you'd like to improve on yourself. Maybe one of them will give you a reason (most wont), just like when job interviews don't go all the way in spite of seeming OK. If you ask you might get an answer, even if you usually don't.
Edit; one thing you could do if you aren't compeltely ghosted, but they leave a "thx, no thx" note, is to ask them, in a nice way to please be honest because you had a similar experience and you'd like to improve on yourself. Maybe one of them will give you a reason (most wont), just like when job interviews don't go all the way in spite of seeming OK. If you ask you might get an answer, even if you usually don't.
What do you mean, why come back for a 2nd or 3rd date? Because they want to get to know the OP. If I read his post correctly, the kissing only begins on the 3rd date, which makes me wonder (since you bring it up...), if the OP is pushing for kisses on the 3rd date, like it's a rule for him. Who initiates the kissing? Is it spontaneous on the part of the women, because they feel like they're getting closer to him, or what exactly is going on?
If several of them have said something along the lines of: they didn't feel a connection with him, maybe he's either a bad kisser, or they felt rushed into kissing....?? We have no way of knowing.
Are there no relationship forums in France? This problem likely has a cultural element we have no context for.
Good point. OP, I wonder if it's such a good idea to ask les Americains a delicate question about what may boil down to French customs. Although in America, there really would be no single answer to such a question, because every woman is different.
Good point. OP, I wonder if it's such a good idea to ask les Americains a delicate question about what may boil down to French customs. Although in America, there really would be no single answer to such a question, because every woman is different.
I have heard French women are even harder to seduce than American women. They know the Frenchman's tricks!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
