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I think it was out of line and you should have refused to remove your friend. I'm guessing this behavior will continue whenever you are friends with anyone she perceives as a threat.
Do you have any advice on what I should say to her?
Do you have any advice on what I should say to her?
I would ask to talk and say that you want to lay ground rules for friends. You will have to figure out what this is as I don't know how many female friends you have or how you interact with them. I think if you come to an understanding, you can head of future repeats of her telling you what you can or can't do. Just be proactive. An example of a ground rule: It is okay to have a female friend but you will not go out one on one without your girlfriend. Or, you can be friends on social media but you won't communicate extensively through private messaging. I would decide what freedoms you want and deserve before you talk to her and be firm. Maybe you don't want any ground rules. It's up to you. Just decide how you want things to work and discuss it so she's not nitpicking and deciding for you as you go.
Edit: I would also like to add that she is speculating. She doesn't know what the other girl was thinking and you need to tell her that she was out of line and that going through your friends looking for signs is not healthy. Tell her that in order for your relationship to work she needs to trust you.
Maybe you should get rid of this girlfriend, and date the *love ya* friend instead...
Just kidding.
You deleted that harmless friend 5 months ago. You and your girlfriend have been together 1 year. So, for half of your relationship, your girlfriend has made this non-issue, an issue. That's not great.
If nothing else has happened between you that would make her not trust you, then she is bringing her past relationship baggage into you guys' relationship. I am pretty sure this kind of jealousy thing has happened with her in her past. Does she ever mention a past boyfriend that cheated on her, or there was a problem with her ex having friends that are girls?
I can foresee there will be more jealousy and insecurity issues in your future with her.
Why assume this issue is because of something you did? You would NOT be the first person who didn't realize someone had a romantic interest in them. So what if you didn't see the signs??
NOW you've cut off all communication with her. What matters is going forward, not living in the past. You haven't done ANYTHING to deserve your current GF's mistrust.
This behavior makes her sound younger than 26. It doesn't really matter if this other woman was madly in loved with you and you didn't pick up on that, unless she's concerned that another woman will take a liking to you and you won't notice that either and.......nothing happens and it's all good and I guess we can't have that then
She's putting a spin on retroactive jealousy, which is especially difficult to deal with because it's extra irrational. I can't tell you what to say except that anything you say to ease her mind may feed into or validate her jealous behavior, which is a bad idea.
Do you have any advice on what I should say to her?
I do.
"GF, your constant harping on this topic has got to stop. I've never given you a reason to not trust me. Drop the subject or I don't see us going forward as a couple."
Maybe you should get rid of this girlfriend, and date the *love ya* friend instead...
Just kidding.
You deleted that harmless friend 5 months ago. You and your girlfriend have been together 1 year. So, for half of your relationship, your girlfriend has made this non-issue, an issue. That's not great.
If nothing else has happened between you that would make her not trust you, then she is bringing her past relationship baggage into you guys' relationship. I am pretty sure this kind of jealousy thing has happened with her in her past. Does she ever mention a past boyfriend that cheated on her, or there was a problem with her ex having friends that are girls?
I can foresee there will be more jealousy and insecurity issues in your future with her.
Past bf cheated and I think she also mentioned once that a bf left her to be with his "best friend". So she told me from her experience "the best friend always wins when it comes to picking between him and the bf".
This behavior makes her sound younger than 26. It doesn't really matter if this other woman was madly in loved with you and you didn't pick up on that, unless she's concerned that another woman will take a liking to you and you won't notice that either and.......nothing happens and it's all good and I guess we can't have that then
She's putting a spin on retroactive jealousy, which is especially difficult to deal with because it's extra irrational. I can't tell you what to say except that anything you say to ease her mind may feed into her jealousy, which is a bad idea.
I think that's her concern. She fears that another woman will come and like me and either
A. I won't notice it and wont set boundaries
B. I will keep the woman around for the attention.
Maybe you should get rid of this girlfriend, and date the *love ya* friend instead...
Just kidding.
You deleted that harmless friend 5 months ago. You and your girlfriend have been together 1 year. So, for half of your relationship, your girlfriend has made this non-issue, an issue. That's not great.
If nothing else has happened between you that would make her not trust you, then she is bringing her past relationship baggage into you guys' relationship. I am pretty sure this kind of jealousy thing has happened with her in her past. Does she ever mention a past boyfriend that cheated on her, or there was a problem with her ex having friends that are girls?
I can foresee there will be more jealousy and insecurity issues in your future with her.
A past bf of her did cheat and another left her to be with his "best friend". So she told me "when it comes between a girl best friend and the girlfriend, the best friend always wins".
Past bf cheated and I think she also mentioned once that a bf left her to be with his "best friend". So she told me from her experience "the best friend always wins when it comes to picking between him and the bf".
None of which is your cross to bear. You can be sympathetic without taking any responsibility for her reaction to stuff you didn't do.
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