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I am on the rocks with a three year relationship, but the thought of breaking up terrifies me because I am so scared to be alone and to not have him in my daily life. You get so used to speaking on a daily basis and always having someone to tell things to, I can't imagine just losing that. I am scared that while we have had our fair share of problems, there's a chance I never find someone better and that I regret my decision. He's the best partner I've ever had, but it's really the only realistic relationship I've ever been in. I don't think I'll ever be able to decipher if this is "it" for me with no other relationships to compare it to. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm so scared of being alone again- how do you work through these feelings?
You adapt. It's just getting used to the situation. It doesn't happen all at once. I'm actually enjoying the peace and quiet. I can decide to do anything I want and not have to run it by someone. It's awesome.
You adapt. It's just getting used to the situation. It doesn't happen all at once. I'm actually enjoying the peace and quiet. I can decide to do anything I want and not have to run it by someone. It's awesome.
THIS. It takes time. After a 3 year relationship, it could take up to a year to get comfortable. Doesn't mean it will take that long to start feeling better, but it does take time. If you have friends and family to talk to and get together with, it will be easier.
Part of it is you have to learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company. Might sound cliche, but create your own happiness within and you will find that being alone won't be so scary, if at all, if anything it might be fun. I have been single for a long long time, and let me tell you I am as happy as ever. Yes, I would love to find a partner to settle down, and go on dates here and there but looking for a partner that complements me.
If I stay single for the rest of my life I am totally okay and know I will be happy as well. Part of that is I have created a fulfilling life with lots of hobbies and thing that are healthy for my soul. I have about 70 tropical plants in my apartment that I adore and really keep me busy, I write short stories on the side, I do photography as a hobby capturing city scenes and places I travel, I stay active and outdoor, working on starting my own side business, I love cooking different ethnic foods and do a lot of reading. While I can't do it as much due to the pandemic, I also love to travel. To round it out I have worked to make sure the friends I keep are amazing, loyal and loving as well as family.
Guess what? Everything I mentioned above that makes me so happy, are things that I do alone on a constant basis and are not reliant on having a romantic partner. For me being alone or single is not scary, because I have already built such a happy life for myself as is. A romantic partner would just be the icing on the cake. You need to forge that path for yourself.
A really good friend of mine asked me once how is that I can do trips alone. He told me he could never travel alone he would get so lonely. My response was how could I not? Because I love myself and love spending time with myself, I become so present when traveling alone and love the experience rather than wishing or wanting someone to be there. And trust me sometimes traveling with someone else is worse than traveling alone....
If you fear being alone, truly ask yourself why? What is so scary of having a life where I spend time with mostly myself? Ask yourself why that is so scary, because in the end it shouldn't be. Perhaps it's more you are scared of who you are. That's okay but take the steps to change that. Trust me, it will be the greatest gift you will ever receive, moreso than any romantic partner can fulfill. The gift of creating your happiness and not relying on someone else to make you feel less lonely or happy. Having a LTR is something that I think is great, but it should be because you are lonely but rather you have found someone that complements your already fulfilling life.
I’m not sure how you can say he’s the best partner you’ve ever had, based on the other post you made with your dissatisfaction and unhappiness in a 3 year LDR.
You need to do the right thing and let him go. You have career and educational goals to pursue which will bring you into contact with so many new people as you mature into a fully formed adult. All you are doing right now is keeping him around because he’s familiar.
It may not seem obvious right now, but in hindsight you’ll wonder why it took you so long to make better choices for yourself. Many of us can relate to that.
You adapt. It's just getting used to the situation. It doesn't happen all at once. I'm actually enjoying the peace and quiet. I can decide to do anything I want and not have to run it by someone. It's awesome.
It's all about adjusting and adapting. Something humans are wired to do.
You need to learn that you and only YOU are your strongest resource. It may take time but you need to learn and accept yourself for who you are, BY YOURSELF. It also helps to understand that we cannot control what happens in life or what other people do. Completely surrender to that and embrace it. We can only control ourselves and how we respond to things. It also helps to think about the benefits of being single and independent. Do things that you love and keep your mind busy. You're going to law school so you'll adjust in no time.
I am on the rocks with a three year relationship, but the thought of breaking up terrifies me because I am so scared to be alone and to not have him in my daily life. You get so used to speaking on a daily basis and always having someone to tell things to, I can't imagine just losing that. I am scared that while we have had our fair share of problems, there's a chance I never find someone better and that I regret my decision. He's the best partner I've ever had, but it's really the only realistic relationship I've ever been in. I don't think I'll ever be able to decipher if this is "it" for me with no other relationships to compare it to. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm so scared of being alone again- how do you work through these feelings?
Do you have no one else in your life to talk to on the regular?
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