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It's not; you're simply in an emotional tailspin about it. You purchase a ring she'll love (within your budget) in the same way you'd make any other large purchase (i.e. a car, for example).
If one can 'pony up' for a car or vacation - what's the big deal about a ring? If you have to be dragged, cajoled, or tricked into it, don't propose to anyone obviously.
The surprise often comes via an unexpected time for the proposal - or by way of a bigger/better diamond than one was expecting; viewing together, I would think, is more about understanding her tastes i.e. shape of diamond and so on. That said, most of us wouldn't be interested in pursuing a woman who would 'drag' us to Tiffany's to tell us what type (or especially cost of) a ring they want. It's much more enticing to lead her in by the hand, unexpectedly - because we want to.
Almost everyone I know who got a ring (many I know did not want engagement rings at all) went shopping with her fiancé. Some women don’t want diamonds at all and prefer other stones. I feel like women who want the over-the-top surprise engagement rings are high maintenance and there are going to be more issues down the road.
Sometimes other considerations are important, too. For example, wanting to be certain that one's diamond was not mined with slave labor.
So what happens to that YouTube worthy suprise proposal? When was the last rom-com you saw when the couples picked out rings together
Oh good grief. You're making this much too hard. There are ways to propose without the "official" ring.
1. Buy a token ring, propose and present it to her, and tell her it is a pledge...that you want to have the fun/joy of picking out the real one together.
2. If the fairytale surprise proposal is so important to you and you are pretty sure she'll say yes, take her to lunch/early dinner, blindfold her, drive to a jewelry store you've already scoped out, and propose to her in front of the ring counter. Tell her you've brought her there to pick out just the right thing. Caveat: If I wasn't sure I don't think I'd like to find that out kneeling in a jewelry store.
If she's going to be upset that you don't have that perfect ring for the big moment, something's missing between you.
BTW, there's lots of web fodder on the subject to give you ideas:
The first thing you need to figure out is whether your girlfriend is even the kind of person who would enjoy or respond well to a big surprise proposal. There are plenty of women who find that kind of thing uncomfortable or gauche. Plus, unless you've already fully confirmed that her answer would definitely be "yes," event proposals, particularly ones in public, force the person into a position where they feel pressured to say yes, and may later roll back on their agreement.
So if she's not the type to enjoy a surprise, might as well just go ring shopping together. Or, if she does like a big proposal surprise, but has a sense of humor, you might do the big proposal with a jokey placeholder for the ring, then go shopping together.
If you're determined to surprise her with a ring, and she doesn't, say, have wishlist or something, the next best thing would be to enlist the help of someone who is good at this sort of thing and knows her taste, perhaps a sibling or close friend.
The first thing you need to figure out is whether your girlfriend is even the kind of person who would enjoy or respond well to a big surprise proposal. There are plenty of women who find that kind of thing uncomfortable or gauche. Plus, unless you've already fully confirmed that her answer would definitely be "yes," event proposals, particularly ones in public, force the person into a position where they feel pressured to say yes, and may later roll back on their agreement.
'Surprise proposal' doesn't automatically translate to a public proposal (or an unexpected one), or You Tube, for that matter, lol. Curious - how old is OP?
You could propose with a fake ring as a stand in, while telling her that the two of you will shop for her real ring.
You beat me to it. If the proposal video is so darned important, buy a $10 ring on eBay. Later you can go out and buy a ring together. And what a perfect time to have a meaningful financial discussion.
This is easily navigated and something I would encourage all couples to do before they get married. Set an appointment with a financial planner. Have them outline the major milestones a couple need to consider prior to tying the know:
funding retirement
funding vacations
saving for a home
saving for education for children and professional development
funding autos
repayment of any loans
creating an emergency fund
life insurance
And then start allocating your savings etc. Once you understand the basics of finance, and money is put into its proper context, most adult women I know opt to allocate the majority of financial resources to things other than a ring.
Understand the two areas of most strife in marriage are financial and sexual. This will put you on a firm footing with one of the two, and by making her a partner in this decision, you will alleviate a lot of stress. My observation is most women marry with the intention of starting a family and often opt to start and education fund immediately with some of what could have been ring money or prefer to allocate it toward travel, pre-children. On the other hand it may also reveal things that may give both of you pause; either way it is a win.
FYI, my first wife (rest in peace), a CPA picked out two $99 dollar rings, and then we used the rest of the money to start up a side business, my second wife (rest in peace my love) opted to wait 10 years for her wedding ring, at a time when we had a low multiple 7 figure net worth and had a custom ring built for her. It was 5-10 grand and cannibalized some rings from two of her grandmothers.
My brother's first fiancee complained about the ring he bought for her (it was at least a carat) and wanted to exchange it/upgrade it.
He did not end up marrying her.
A woman who really loves YOU absolutely will not care about the ring IF you put some thought into the purchase and made an effort to get her something lovely.
Me personally, I would rather have a larger stone that is not a diamond (ruby or sapphire) vs. a smaller diamond, but that is just me.
Something like this I'd definitely want to pick it out myself, so NO pressure on him to do a thing there except buy it...I don't want to be surprised w/ something like this. So we'd definitely buy it TOGETHER...just as I would a car & house.
I do want to take my time & look around thoroughly & enjoy looking around. But now w/ this COVID, who knows when or how often we'll get to look around. Heck, we're still just really going to the grocery stores & walking in the park for exercise.
With the rise in cases & fiance' & I both having underlying health issues that affect our immunities, we're not quick to just go out there to do anything.
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