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Pew Research had this study where they found 71% of the single women over 40 were not looking to date and 39% of the women 18-39 were not actively interested in dating. This creates this large gender gap on online dating platforms which is another reason I think a lot of guys get frustrated online. There is about two or three times as many men as women in a given age cohort and I think that leads to a lot of frustration in actually meeting anyone online. I thought it might it might be interesting to hear from both the men and women who have dropped out of the dating pool, why that happened.
I am also curious what it means to you to drop out of the dating market. Have you sworn off dating permanently or if the right guy or girl showed up in your life would you be willing to date him or her? Because I see a difference between not being interested in being in any type of romantic entanglement period and not being willing to make the dating effort to actually find someone to go out with. Is this low frustration tolerance with the dating process or is this just some antipathy toward the other gender and the idea relationships with the other gender?
My own working assumption here is that a lot of the women who aren't actively looking for a relationship would be up for it if a guy asked them out in a respectful fashion where they felt that they were being treated with respect by a guy who was showing interest in them as individuals, but they may feel burned out of the dating process so they kind of give up on actively dating because the guys they are meeting on line dating platforms are pushing for FWB/casual sex and they don't feel like their dating objectives can be met there so they drop out of actively dating and looking for a partner.
Am I right?
If you are interested in reading the entire study you can find it here. I found it all kind of interesting.
Pew Research had this study where they found 71% of the single women over 40 were not looking to date and 39% of the women 18-39 were not actively interested in dating. This creates this large gender gap on online dating platforms which is another reason I think a lot of guys get frustrated online. There is about two or three times as many men as women in a given age cohort and I think that leads to a lot of frustration in actually meeting anyone online. I thought it might it might be interesting to hear from both the men and women who have dropped out of the dating pool, why that happened.
I am also curious what it means to you to drop out of the dating market. Have you sworn off dating permanently or if the right guy or girl showed up in your life would you be willing to date him or her? Because I see a difference between not being interested in being in any type of romantic entanglement period and not being willing to make the dating effort to actually find someone to go out with. Is this low frustration tolerance with the dating process or is this just some antipathy toward the other gender and the idea relationships with the other gender?
My own working assumption here is that a lot of the women who aren't actively looking for a relationship would be up for it if a guy asked them out in a respectful fashion where they felt that they were being treated with respect by a guy who was showing interest in them as individuals, but they may feel burned out of the dating process so they kind of give up on actively dating because the guys they are meeting on line dating platforms are pushing for FWB/casual sex and they don't feel like their dating objectives can be met there so they drop out of actively dating and looking for a partner.
Am I right?
If you are interested in reading the entire study you can find it here. I found it all kind of interesting.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I can't know most women's reasoning but my guess is they (we) get discouraged when they keep encountering guys who don't want to properly date and have relationships, only interested in sex.
I think it's not so much that most guys only want sex, but the dating platforms prove most successful for men with high narcissism and psychopathy, and those are the men willing to manipulate, lie, and deceive to get what they want (often casual sex). So women who seem to keep finding narcissist after narcissist aren't imagining it, they likely really are if they are using dating apps.
But to speak to my own experience. I dropped out for 6-7 years because of having been assaulted and such.
I didn't have much issue with dating and casually dating before my assaults but I think there are a few ways I'm an outlier. Not to claim "I'm not like other girls" but I am not the norm in ways.
1. I'm less "agreeable" than most. (From the Big 5 personality test)
2. My risk aversion is very low
3. I have a dopaminergic personality (easily bored, novelty seeker, adventurous/risk taker type)
So the stable marriage type relationship isn't necessarily something that would work for someone like me so the casually dating scene works better. But being assaulted still isn't fun and probably happened because of my low risk aversion. So for me, my main concern while using dating apps is to be cautious not to get in situations in which I can be assaulted. But am I looking for marriage or even a traditional relationship? Probably a steady companion most of all, but even that might be hard to find if the guys' objectives are to run through as many casual partners as possible.
Last edited by moongirl00; 04-20-2021 at 02:43 AM..
I was never in any sort of dating pool. I don't see any value in complicating my life or creating opportunities for pain, conflict and disappointment by looking for a partner. The only people I was ever capable of loving in this life are a) my own flesh and blood b) have been dead for years and c) didn't have a hope of understanding me either.
Do I get lonely? Sure, but I'd rather put up with that than try to make room for two in a world where (this) one doesn't belong or fit anyway.
Pew Research had this study where they found 71% of the single women over 40 were not looking to date and 39% of the women 18-39 were not actively interested in dating. This creates this large gender gap on online dating platforms which is another reason I think a lot of guys get frustrated online. There is about two or three times as many men as women in a given age cohort and I think that leads to a lot of frustration in actually meeting anyone online. I thought it might it might be interesting to hear from both the men and women who have dropped out of the dating pool, why that happened.
I am also curious what it means to you to drop out of the dating market. Have you sworn off dating permanently or if the right guy or girl showed up in your life would you be willing to date him or her? Because I see a difference between not being interested in being in any type of romantic entanglement period and not being willing to make the dating effort to actually find someone to go out with. Is this low frustration tolerance with the dating process or is this just some antipathy toward the other gender and the idea relationships with the other gender?
My own working assumption here is that a lot of the women who aren't actively looking for a relationship would be up for it if a guy asked them out in a respectful fashion where they felt that they were being treated with respect by a guy who was showing interest in them as individuals, but they may feel burned out of the dating process so they kind of give up on actively dating because the guys they are meeting on line dating platforms are pushing for FWB/casual sex and they don't feel like their dating objectives can be met there so they drop out of actively dating and looking for a partner.
Am I right?
If you are interested in reading the entire study you can find it here. I found it all kind of interesting.
Funny, this past year or so, I had been considering dating younger women because I meet so many women over 40 that don't want to date nor have a man in their life, typically due to their jadedness of past relationships or marriages.
Maybe this has driven some 40+ men to pursue younger women...not exclusively though, because they may come across a 40+ here and there that'd be willing to date.
However, I recall this one woman over 40 that's only had one divorce under her belt, and is content with hanging with only her gal pals and her teen daughter, nothing more. They tend to get their emotional needs met by family members and same-gendered friends (she purposely avoids male friendships as the men tend to want more). I figured a caveat with her was she possibly has a FWB or something, and she said that's a big "no" to that.
They usually are heavily involved with their kid's after school activities as well. They completely fill their time with their kids' activities .
Most men, however, no matter what age...are always looking to date and/or have a romantic partner.
My previous post about "single, but not looking" in a singles group and not including men in women only events, is kind of a reflection of this. It's almost as if they have an axe to grind.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 04-20-2021 at 03:40 AM..
Have you sworn off dating permanently or if the right guy or girl showed up in your life would you be willing to date him or her?
Can you swear off something you never did to begin with?
As for the second part of your question, I doubt there is a right person who'd show up in my life. It would be up to them to convince me they were the right person, and I wouldn't let them get close enough to try.
If anyone needs me, I'll be over here waiting for the worms.
Most men, however, no matter what age...are always looking to date and/or have a romantic partner.
I can't get my head around this. Do people not learn from their own or from observing others' mistakes, or are they so afraid of being alone that they forge ahead and carry on looking anyway? Surely there comes a point where enough is enough or does the heart overrule the brain every time?
There's a brief passage in Frankenstein where the creature, comforted by the heat and light from a fire, thrusts his hand into the flames. He soon learns how much this hurts, realises what a bad idea it is and decides not to try it again. For me the same rules apply to dating, trusting people and opening oneself to them. The rewards, whatever they might be, aren't worth taking the risk.
I can't get my head around this. Do people not learn from their own or from observing others' mistakes, or are they so afraid of being alone that they forge ahead and carry on looking anyway? Surely there comes a point where enough is enough or does the heart overrule the brain every time?
There's a brief passage in Frankenstein where the creature, comforted by the heat and light from a fire, thrusts his hand into the flames. He soon learns how much this hurts, realises what a bad idea it is and decides not to try it again. For me the same rules apply to dating, trusting people and opening oneself to them. The rewards, whatever they might be, aren't worth taking the risk.
Some of these people in dating have a tendency to make bad decisions in romantic partners.
Some of these people in dating have a tendency to make bad decisions in romantic partners.
Precisely, and they keep making them because, to some, even the most unsuitable partner is preferable to being by themselves. Where does this come from? Why do many people believe they've failed in life without a relationship?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
Pew Research had this study where they found 71% of the single women over 40 were not looking to date and 39% of the women 18-39 were not actively interested in dating. This creates this large gender gap on online dating platforms which is another reason I think a lot of guys get frustrated online. There is about two or three times as many men as women in a given age cohort and I think that leads to a lot of frustration in actually meeting anyone online. I thought it might it might be interesting to hear from both the men and women who have dropped out of the dating pool, why that happened.
I am also curious what it means to you to drop out of the dating market. Have you sworn off dating permanently or if the right guy or girl showed up in your life would you be willing to date him or her? Because I see a difference between not being interested in being in any type of romantic entanglement period and not being willing to make the dating effort to actually find someone to go out with. Is this low frustration tolerance with the dating process or is this just some antipathy toward the other gender and the idea relationships with the other gender?
My own working assumption here is that a lot of the women who aren't actively looking for a relationship would be up for it if a guy asked them out in a respectful fashion where they felt that they were being treated with respect by a guy who was showing interest in them as individuals, but they may feel burned out of the dating process so they kind of give up on actively dating because the guys they are meeting on line dating platforms are pushing for FWB/casual sex and they don't feel like their dating objectives can be met there so they drop out of actively dating and looking for a partner.
Am I right?
If you are interested in reading the entire study you can find it here. I found it all kind of interesting.
I’m not actively pursuing dating right now because I’m burned out from trying to date. I’m just tired of putting effort and money in and it not amounting to anything. Right now, I’m trying to build my social circle here in the Triangle, which the pandemic made very difficult, and travel more. Maybe doing both of those would help better prospects come around than what I find in the apps. My tolerance for the BS of dating is at all time lows.
Personally l think those figures or stats or whatever th , are pretty skewed. What they say as to what they really want can be a very very different thing too.
l know since divorce l could've remarried 3 times by now , women still seem to want a relationship and commitment to me that's for sure. And any single women l've met l know would also love one , bar two in friend circles l know of well that have just given up looking.
Not sayin some wouldn't anymore , of course there'd be some , l've never met them though apart from that 2.
ps , not to mention go out to any venue and there's certainly no shortage of single women looking , no doubt about that.
Last edited by randomx; 04-20-2021 at 08:24 AM..
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